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I hate October! (rant)

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  • I hate October! (rant)

    Where do I start?

    It will be six years this Halloween since David got MS and ended up in a wheelchair. Halloween used to be such a happy time for us, my grandma and two nephews (1 from both of my sisters) where all born on Halloween.
    Now this same grandma was admitted to the hospital yesterday cause we thought she had been suffering small strokes, however we found out that she has two malignant masses on her brain that probably originated from somewhere else, will find out more today after more tests. She will be 86 Monday.
    On top of that David has been haveing severe bouts of depression/anger issues. Plus his gallbladder needs to be removed Nov. 15th. We went to schedule that with the surgeon, left the hospital to go get a bite to eat and he drove his power chair off the curb at the restaurant and fell out. Thought everything was ok, had couple of employees help me get him back in the chair. Wasn't until bed time that I realized his leg was swollen three times its original size, back to the ER, for them to tell us its just bruised. However woke the next morning to a call from the radiologist who said get him back to the ER, its broke. Broke his femur right above the knee, just put a knee imobilizer on him but now hes stuck driving around with his leg straight out, once again not able to get into the shower, or in or out of house on his own, doorways are harder to manipulate, really helps with the depression if you know what I mean. All this just in time for deer hunting season.
    My sub at work is quiting so I am limited to finding a replacement to cover for me so I can have days off.
    Daughter who helps take care of David in the mornings starts her clinicals after Christmas so she won't be able to help, gotta find someone else. Put add on Craigslist and care.com got 4 responses but no one will give me a call back or email the phone numbers.
    Got so much to do outside before the snow flies but no time to do it all.
    One neighbor just had a stroke, the other is going to have surgery Nov. 18 cause her bladder is dropped, and they both have been such great help to me in the past. Gotta find time to help them in return.
    I am just tired, plain and simple flat out tired. Sleeping pills aren't helping. Woke up at 1:30 a.m. in a panic attack. Which is happening more and more frequently lately.
    I know there is probably more thats been happening but I can't think of any right now.
    I really just don't know how much more I can handle, I so miss the days when David would take charge and even just roll over and hold me and tell me it is going to be ok.
    Thanks for listening.
    Lisa

  • #2
    Oh Lisa, I am so verry sorry that you are going through what sounds like a very rough patch. For what it is worth, anyone would be overwhelmed with all you are trying to manage. Sending you hugs of support, and wishing it didn't have to be the cyber version and that we could just meet for coffee, a good cry, a held hand, whatever would help.

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    • #3
      Hang in there Lisa

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      • #4
        Lisa, I am just so sorry that these things have happened at all, let alone all at once. Wish I had some concrete help to offer. May you, Dave and your grandmother be able to find the help and strength you need. (((((Lisa)))))
        MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

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        • #5
          My heart just aches for you. This would be overwhelming for anyone! Do you have any kind of a support group? We have a very, very loving church family who help us through the rough spots. I wish we could do something to ease your burden.

          C5/C6 47 yrs.
          C5/C6

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          • #6
            Oh man, the October Panic Attacks. I feel for you. When bad shit happens in the same month, over and over, how can you NOT get punchy?

            I have no advice, but empathy and sympathy I offer in full. So sorry. FWIW, you're not alone. I woke up today realized October is almost over and nobody has died. Had a panic attack because everybody is alive!

            Unfounded fear, superstition, whatever it is...All I know is my brother died in October. My mother too. And I'm wildly looking around trying to brace for the blow I feel coming.
            Blog:
            Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

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            • #7
              I know this is of no help but I really can see why you hate October!

              Here's to better times ahead......

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              • #8
                Oh dear Lisa, I hate Oct too. It is 3 Years since Dave's SCI and our world turned upside down.
                I fully understand the 1:30 AM panic attacks. The meds don't help me either.
                I was going to suggest askng your neighbor to help with the lawn, and then you said he had a stroke-good grief-everything is upside down in your world this month.
                The news about the gramma and then the broken leg.
                ((((Lisa))) You are our tough little warrior, but even warriors get tired.
                Oct. is nearly over and hopefully Nov will be better.

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                • #9
                  the power is in you hang in there............

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                  • #10
                    Nothing in life is easy and yet we're still all here pulling for better days. Some very hard tests to pass but somehow we manage just like you will. And the deer, they don't care if David's leg is straight out, they'll still be there. You've been through a lot, October is almost over. God bless you all.

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                    • #11
                      My sister-in-law has a saying for times like this..."If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all." Why can't all this bad luck become positive, good luck...with that much luck you'd surely win the lottery.

                      We are here to listen. Sometimes it helps to know that people do care. Hoping for better days for you and yours.

                      NL (GJ's wife and caregiver)

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                      • #12
                        That is a severe amount to handle! Don't even think of attempting it on your own!
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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                        • #13
                          Ouch, that is a lot. Hope as time passes these next few days some of this is lifted.

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                          • #14
                            Thanks to each one of you. Just getting home fro. The hospital now. Still know nothing more about grandma, they didn't get the MRI done till this afternoon. Furious with her care, they haven't rolled her once, nor changed her unless we asked etc etc.
                            I told David the same thing about the deer...he had told me as his new hunting buddy they didn't care what I looked like so I had to tell it right back do him.
                            I will somehow manage to keep going on just wish it would lighten up a little. I truly appreciate all of your kind words, I knew my cyber friends would understand.

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                            • #15
                              That is just dreadful about your grandmother's care - the nursing supervisor should be all over that situation! The last thing you need is to have to worry about your grandmother while she is under professional care, for heaven's sake! I hope some unexpected help comes your way very soon, Lisa.
                              MS with cervical and thoracic cord lesions

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