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I'm crabby and (gulp) nasty

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  • I'm crabby and (gulp) nasty

    This weekend is seven years. In some ways I'm lucky, I'm incomplete and ambulatory for short distances. Problem is severe chronic pain, nothing helps, tried it all. When I walk i can go 100 to 1,00 yards before I collapse or stumble from pain, spasms. Can't stand for more than 5-10 minutes before I go down. Can't sit or even lie comfortably anymore.

    While I have some certain "peace" with where/what I am, minimal sleep and constant pain has had me suicidal on and off for 6 years but also turned me into an extremely difficult, crabby and (painful to admit) sometimes nasty aggressiveguy.

    So few friends left I'm trying desperately to keep them but I really can't seem to help it. I meditate, exercise, eat well and on good days am OK but honestly I have 2-3 good days then 9-14 bad to awful days.

    Shrink turned me on to meditation and it does help but my friends expectations may be too high abut frankly I don't have much to give. Honestly I don't know if I'd keep me as a friend.

    Really sad, i continue to downward spiral and really don't want to.

    all that I am is all gone, sad

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  • #2
    Bill, I know words don't help the pain. I know positive thoughts don't rebuild nerves. But please know your friends here, are here to stay.


    • #3

      I am at three years... but I can understand what you are going through...

      I too am in constant pain... and have also tried everything out there, pain stimulation, radio-frequency injections, pain meds, etc. Nothing works.

      I also seem to be becoming crabby, hard to be around, at least for my poor... super-supportive wife. I fake it around my friends... but I am loosing the battle there too... I've gone from being super outgoing to bordering on being a shut in... I am still struggling to come to terms with that transition...

      Dark thoughts... yeah... I get that too... Seem to be there more lately than ever...

      Do what it takes to get through the day, Bill

      I am Wishing you more good days than bad.



      • #4
        If my magic wand wasnt cracked, Id wave it all away for you. its cracked though.

        Is there a way for you to retrain impulsive responses? like with anger managememt. you may not be able to alter the stimuli around you, but you can retrain the way you respond to those stimuli. it takes time, and lots of effort, but can improve your stress tollerance. people are creatures of habit, and it can get addicting in a way, or habit forming to respond with anger. anger can cause a rush of hormones that are just as addictive as any drug. If you feel almost sedated after, warn and wiped out after an explosion, maybe you are addicted to your own anger, and you need to retrain your self in how you respond to the things that irritate you into a rage.


        • #5
          It always has amazed me that with all you suffer you avoid somehow come across as your avatar. I wish I had any comfort at all to offer.


          • #6
            Bill, have you tried marijuana?


            • #7
              I am there now i am unable to walk at all can stand up for a few minutes depending on time of day i am loosing function. Right hand is completely useless now it has been steadily geting worse doctors have said there is nothing they can do. The question of why me never really goes away but my answer is simply why not me? I keep busy reading and other stuff... gardening is good seeing stuff you planted coming up, planning what you will plant next week or month, I grow lots of stuff in pots, I bought some bulbs and while the weather is to cold yet i have them to pllant a pet, by having stuff to look forward to and talk about with friends will keep them interested and you will be too busy to feel sorry for yourself. If you keep busy trying new stuff


              • #8
                I'm at 30 years of worsening pain, lousy mood, and no life. Somehow, I'm not crabby. I guess I direct all my anger inward.

                Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


                • #9
                  I concur.


                  • #10
                    Thinking of you today! I am sorry you are hurting!