Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How do you forgive youself

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How do you forgive youself

    My sci was my fault I was drinking and driving and lost control of my car its always in the back of my head that I did this I caused this huge burden on everyone how do I get over this feeling like I deserved what happened.

  • #2
    We are not perfect. We are not God. We all make mistakes. In my mind, the only thing unforgivable is if we do not learn from them.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
    http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

    See my personal webpage @
    http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

    Comment


    • #3
      There was no cause for my paralysis (Transverse Myelitis) and I still feel guilty!

      Natural reaction.

      It's not your fault medicine can't fix you ... yet. Just keep saying that because it's true.

      If you feel like you 'owe' something, maybe educate within schools and youth groups etc on the dangers of drinking/driving?
      Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

      T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

      Comment


      • #4
        there's a difference between "deserved" and "responsible for".
        http://www.dsportsman.com

        Comment


        • #5
          I feel exactly like Lynnifer. It is not a cause for my paralysis. First my parent made me feel guilty, now my children do. And most people I know and soon I get paranoid or maybe I already am
          TH 12, 43 years post

          Comment


          • #6
            Ali-w, I have a similar story which happened 34 years ago and have had like thoughts in the past. As I am sure that you are aware, the past is gone.
            The only impact a person has is on present events. I tend to think that everything happens for a reason and a persons destiny is not always on the easiest pathway.
            I try to have a positive impact on the environment around me and lead by example. Strangers that wouldn’t have given me a second thought as an able bodied person now tend to approach in a positive manner. Is this part of our destiny? This SCI process most times is more of a emotional/mental battle than physical.......Stay strong!
            1977 - C5 ambulating Quad

            Comment


            • #7
              I climbed in a fountain, slipped and fell. A 40 yr old that should have known better, but whatever. Hopefully you didn't hurt anybody else-that would be hard to live with, and I know ppl that live w/ it every day.

              Bad things don't only happen to bad ppl. So you used poor judgment-who hasn't? It's only our poor judgment is on display forever. Luck, fate, whatever causes us to make the bad choices, it's just our job to carry on best we can.

              I'm sorry you feel this way. Guilt is a learning tool, but pretty useless in the arsenal you'll need to get on with it. I think talking to kids about your experiences is a great idea, whether at schools or juvenile rehabs. It feels good to give back.
              Blog:
              Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ali-w View Post
                My sci was my fault I was drinking and driving and lost control of my car its always in the back of my head that I did this I caused this huge burden on everyone how do I get over this feeling like I deserved what happened.
                I was headed home and was alone, not drinking and not speeding. The road was damp from a summer shower. I entered a curve and my back end started to slide. As the car turned backwards, I slid off the road and hit a concrete culvert. (The year before mandatory headrests!) The result was a C5-C6 fracture. I kept trying to find someone to blame but it was obvious that my finger kept pointing to me. I finally accepted the fact that I did it and could blame no one except myself and that is was an accident. It was hard to swallow at first but I finally made peace with myself.

                Good luck.
                Millard
                ''Life's tough... it's even tougher if you're stupid!'' -- John Wayne

                Comment


                • #9
                  I've been doing dangerous activates all my life. [I consider drunk driving to be a dangerous activity] Rock claiming, Parachuting [300 feet up when chute opened] Extreme tree climbing, Flying etc. When one engages in this type of activity, shit happens. Flying down canyons with corners 18 feet apart, under Bridges 20 feet high, landing on the side of mountains. We both were doing dangerous activates. If one really thought about how dangerous driving is every one would stay home. I try to get fliers to fly safe. When flyer's see me in a chair, they tend to think twice about safety. Theres nothing we can do about the past. Rehab the best you can and let your friends know what you have learned. Time to role on.
                  T12L1 Incomplete Still here This is the place to be 58 years old

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My husband broke his neck nearly 3 years ago falling from a tree. He was shaking a branch to get apples to fall. The branch he was pulling and shaking snapped and he fell backwards about 12 feet and is a C3 complete.
                    He had a bad day recently and said "why was I so stupid and reckless...?"
                    When he was young he drove drunk, rode bikes, was in a helicoptor crash and did many reckless things, but it was something so innocent that caused his injury.
                    Ali, I would tell you to be grateful no one else was hurt. That would be a greater guilt.
                    Good luck.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      We need to be more compassionate with ourselves. Blame is an ego exercise that keeps you revisiting the past. As Jett said, the past is gone. Now early on I had times when I'd have a crystal-clear moment and go, I can't believe I did that, but I didn't dwell on it. At 33 years post injury this weekend, this is the new normal and I don't have those crystal-clear flashbacks anymore.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Jett View Post
                        Ali-w, I have a similar story which happened 34 years ago and have had like thoughts in the past. As I am sure that you are aware, the past is gone.
                        The only impact a person has is on present events. I tend to think that everything happens for a reason and a persons destiny is not always on the easiest pathway.
                        I try to have a positive impact on the environment around me and lead by example. Strangers that wouldn’t have given me a second thought as an able bodied person now tend to approach in a positive manner. Is this part of our destiny? This SCI process most times is more of a emotional/mental battle than physical.......Stay strong!
                        I certainly don't agree with all of this -- namely, I don't believe in destiny, or anything fatalistic -- but I like and endorse your spirit and sentiment.
                        stephen@bike-on.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Chad's accident was his "fault" too. I put it in quotes because a million variables conspired to make the events of that day happen as they did, not just the events that he controlled. With that being said, as the AB wife of a paralyzed man, I still am amazed that he doesn't seem to relive that day over and over again ... I think that I would. But its been 23 years, and he says that he only really thinks about it on anniversaries of his injury and if he's having a horrible day.

                          I like the person's response above saying that there is a difference between deserving it and being responsible for it. Wise words.
                          Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by betheny View Post
                            I'm sorry you feel this way. Guilt is a learning tool, but pretty useless in the arsenal you'll need to get on with it. I think talking to kids about your experiences is a great idea, whether at schools or juvenile rehabs. It feels good to give back.
                            Take this to heart. These words are a gift.
                            stephen@bike-on.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ali-w View Post
                              My sci was my fault I was drinking and driving and lost control of my car its always in the back of my head that I did this I caused this huge burden on everyone how do I get over this feeling like I deserved what happened.
                              By accepting the fact that you didn't. We all make errors in judgment. Most do what you did and don't suffer any or much less severe consequences.

                              By the way, and I know I'll get flak for this, but drinking alcohol impairs your judgment, so why do you blame yourself for driving under the influence? I've never understood this. Laws against drinking and driving are good incentive to make people ensure they have a ride home, but once you're drunk, you don't know how to make critical thinking choices.

                              People text or talk on their cellphones while driving and are usually not drunk when making this decision. That's what I consider a sound judgment, despite possible negative outcomes.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X