Depression after Spinal Cord Injury

[RJP]

Meds

I have taken anti depressiants since I was injuried 4 yrs ago. Mainly for nerve pain but i remember telling the doctor before my surgery that if I cant walk dont bother doing the surgery. I have my moments were when I cant do something and I get pissed and fell useless but it passes and I move on.

[AzBill]

I couldn’t resist this thread today, it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I can agree with much of what tskushi26 said back on the 18th.

Depression is a tough subject and in many of our cases, goes deeper than we even know. I use anger rather than depression because I function day to day with work and life, but shove aside the anger I have when I can’t do all the things I used to. This happens with both the things from before the SCI and even from things in my early SCI days (28 yrs post)

Early on, the big things saddened me for sure, walking, running etc. Then the alternate ways we live, bowel, bladder etc. had a big effect on my happiness. I could overcome these issues for a long time, convincing myself that my life wasn’t all that terrible.

As I aged and my body continued to fall apart, my anger worsened. I am independent to a fault. I live alone and do everything for myself and as a c5-6, it isn’t as easy as it used to be and I now feel like I have nothing more to prove – to myself or anyone else.

At the sight of things I used to do, I crash hard. These aren’t necessarily the AB things from years ago, but the reality that even as a WC user, I’m able to do less and less every year. The little things I did ten years ago from the chair are tougher now and the day is coming when they will be out of reach too.

This is where the anger gets to me. And it’s so true that only we can relate to each other. Believe me, this site helps. Especially right now. I decided to check in here because I’ve recently started to address this anger issue within myself once again. A new relationship is forcing me to hopefully make progress – the person isn’t forcing me, but I’m forcing myself so I don’t screw up yet another relationship.

What a big help this is – looking forward to reading more. Good luck all.

[AKspacey]

I was majorly depressed basically the first 2 years. I cried every night for almost the first 6 months. I thought once I got out of the hospital and rehab, and got home things would get better. It never did. I finally was put on Cymbalta, it didn't seem to help.

I was a cutter when I was in my teens, and the year after my accident I got back into doing that. It helped more than any pills ever did.

But now 5 years later, I feel only slightly depressed I suppose. I found the perfect thing that drug me out of a dark place. My niece came to live with my parents, which where I lived. She was 3 months old and had a mom that was a herion addict and could care less. And she needed me, and I needed her.

2 years after that little girl moved in, I'm helping raise her, and she truely is the light in my life. Everything I do is for her. And she makes me want to get up in the morning and just be a better person in general. Some days things still get me down, but the days that I"m smiling and just happy to be alive surpass those.

[Craig80]

Due to the circumstances surrounding my accident I had a lot of anger, it was the form of depression I prefered, hard as hell on the people in my life though. Never took antidepressants, except in the form of reckless behavior. I lost my anger a few years ago, someone wanted to make it go away, and did. I see it as each of us handle it the best they can in their own way.

[Evonne]

My SCI will be 4 yrs in Sept. And I have been on and off anti- depressants since then, I take Cymbalta for my nerve pain but spike in Abilify for the depression. I went off the Abilify for 8 months but last month found myself needing to get back on it.

Evonne

[SharonD]

2 years after that little girl moved in, I'm helping raise her, and she truely is the light in my life. Everything I do is for her. And she makes me want to get up in the morning and just be a better person in general. Some days things still get me down, but the days that I"m smiling and just happy to be alive surpass those.[/QUOTE]

WOW, I loved reading this. How wonderful for you to recognize the gifts in your life. You needed her and she needed you. She is a very lucky little girl!

[Sarah's Mom]

Depression....for me...heck yes! Sarah...not so much. I am sure that she has had her moments....but I have had many more! No medication for Sarah. Her saying is... "It is what it is". She is a strong young woman! I am so proud of her! I am the weak one. She would tell you that I can cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I can cry over this madness easier than that. I am still in disbelief 2 1/2 years later. But my daughter makes me stronger. Seeing her grasp living independently is awesome! Every day she is trying new things and doing so much more without having me around. Life is going great for her right now!

[starlight]

I was misdiagnosed w/ depression while in inpatient rehab but even the psychiatrist has since admitted that diagnosis was more "convenient" than accurate.

Unfortunately, I was on the antidepressant for almost a year before I finally wised up and realized it was doing nothing for me but making me gain weight.

[cyfskid]

I cant remember my childhood(it was rehab based and I have blocked it out)

The only thing my disability stops me doing is being the person I would and should be

but i have a likeable life

the fact have really good(assholes say it walking) leg function depresses the fuck out me i cant handle being inbetween the wheeling world and the ab world 1 or the other please im begging you (this causes self harm)

my hand function used to depress me because i was told there was nothing i could do or that it would be a waste of time(my mum thinks amputation will be the best thing and she said 1 of my private therapists backed her up he doesn't)

[steve garro]

I think I am not depresssed, but it's hard to get through the day without something bumming you out, it's how you manage to pull out of it that makes it or not.
AB people complaining bums me out. Why complain to me? I'll gladly trade you.
People who disable themselves perplexes me to no end - WTF, people?
All my friends who just disappeared makes me sad at points, but I have extra time for my "real" friends.
People who you have not seen for years who drive by your house every day & never stop by and then you go out to a rare dinner or concert & they want to bombard you with.......them.
Mostly.......It's not that I'm morose or in a bad mood - this is just as fired up as I can be & be in this much FUCKING PAIN!
I'm dealing here, folks - I'm doing the best I can. How about a "good on ya" or a "you look so good" or a "atta boy" instead of "wow! that looks hard!" "I don't know how you do it" or "boy - at least you're alive - what a miracle!"

[SharonD]

Steve, I really get frustrated when individuals say to Robbie or me "I dont know how you do it" or "that looks so hard I wouldnt be able to do that". How the heck do they know???? Do we really have any other options at this point????

Sarahs Mom, I just went off my meds after being on them for a few years. Robbie hasnt needed them but I did. I feel pretty good now but it was a rough couple of weeks.

[lonecoaster]

I said no, but i have had moments. Really don't have time to deal with my head right now, I may some day.

[KellyMc]

I was surprised to find out I was taking Ativan for anxiety when I was in Rehab. Because I didn't think I was depressed or anything. I had to convince the psychologist that I was ok and finally I was allowed to get off of it. The story was that I was given Ativan when I got discharged from the hospital ( I went straight from hospital to rehab ) and they were just continuing the medication!

[KellyMc]

To follow up on my previous post, I got depressed a few weeks after injury - if crying over any and everything is considered depression. No I didn't get back on any antidepressant med. Everything was going so fast I didn't have time to react until later, I have slow reaction time.

[Maryland Prime Minister]

I was on it before my accident for a year. After my accident and dealing with a life changing event, I spiraled out of control. I quit eating and drinking, also lost over 90 pounds. Upon visiting my doctor, he changed my depression medication and put me on megestrol. It did the trick and has helped with my depression. Yes, there are some days I get down but not to the point that I was.