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I hate almost everybody and everything about this f'ed up sci life

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    #91
    Originally posted by infinity View Post
    i miss being happy. like, really happy. it seems like a 'good' day is simply categorized by being one where i'm not profoundly sad.

    i miss caring. because being numb is easier.

    i miss stupid things like curling up on the couch for a movie marathon and making pancakes and sitting in the grass. i miss laying upside-down on my bed and wearing ridiculous high heels and trying on dresses with friends in stores way beyond our budget. i miss having friends in general.

    i miss daydreaming about trips i want to take. i miss tickling my cousins. i miss being asked to babysit. i miss curling my hair and going tanning and getting pedicures. i miss dancing around in my underwear.

    i miss my self-worth most of all.
    Awesome list and I agree with all of them. I'd add one thing as a guy: I miss putting my head on a desk during class and thinking of sex with a huge boner in my pants.

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      #92
      Originally posted by gypsylady View Post
      Dear Muriel Hows Ireland ? My aunt is from there

      If a friend doesnt know you after your accident ( Cowwards )
      these people probably were not true friends in the first place .

      Sci injuries plain out stink I wish there was something I could do to take pain away from you and make you feel better .

      Hiyaz anban I hear you Buko time's I've been told the same infamous phrase
      " but look at all you can do ! "
      I ask them Like what do you think is my all ?
      With a smirk on my face !


      I miss my Fav pairs of old jeans

      Sincerely ;
      GL
      Gypsy Lady the weather in ireland this summer was lovely for a change..but Ireland is in severe economical trouble and its only getting worse, unemployment is rising every day and young people, and families are having to emigrate to try and get work...all our government want to do and keep doing is rob the poor and sick and feed the rich..and it will not get better for a long time.

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        #93
        "BUT look at all you can do" If I didn't live in almost

        Originally posted by anban View Post
        I miss putting my jeans on in less than five seconds. Shower sex... any sex. I miss going through drive-up coffee stands. I hate not being able to get up early on Saturdays. I miss blending in. I hate people who say, "but look at all you can do!" Like I need them to hand me a fucking consolation prize. All those comments do is make them feel better about pitying me.
        constant state of chills this would be the phrase to cause my blood to boil. Your words could not be more right, fuck this life, we exist, not live. Son-of-a-bitch I can't cope with the loss of my physical being. I just wish I could get a do-over. I know formerly walking paras have good reason to be pissed, but it does not compare to being a hi level quad. I haven't had a day that I didn't wish I could find a painless way to start over.

        Sci, it only gets worse.

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          #94
          Being a quad is not all it's cracked up to be.

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            #95
            Being a quad sucks lol it surely does
            I miss so many things I forget the names of the things I forgot
            Then when I remember the things I forgot I forget the previous thought
            I had in mind !
            Inconclusively it is relatively a shitty life I live as a quad but as long as I dont shit on myself then I am much happier .
            Holy Shitzaboly it's BatShit
            GL

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              #96
              i just wish i never woke up after this happend. im 17 and i cant do anything for myself anymore, i just dont get the point in life anymore. but every morning i try and put on a smile,but it gets harder everyday.
              work hard play hard

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                #97
                Originally posted by james18 View Post
                i just wish i never woke up after this happend. im 17 and i cant do anything for myself anymore, i just dont get the point in life anymore. but every morning i try and put on a smile,but it gets harder everyday.
                I feel the same way. Death would have been far easier.

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                  #98
                  Originally posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
                  I feel the same way. Death would have been far easier.
                  Not as interesting though. I picture quiet and dark.

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                    #99
                    i'm glad i didn't die. but being in this limbo is hell. i miss getting up and making avocado/cheese omelets, flying my plane, riding my bike, hiking and camping, taking care of others, my job. hell, i miss me. i f'in miss me. that other me. who could do anything. i feel like i'm grieving, really for the first time, for her.

                    after the accident i just kept looking for ways to be her again. i went back to work, had a kid, did things for ppl, etc. but, she's gone. she's as gone as my family. it's taken me all these yrs to try to say good-bye. i didn't even know that i hadn't really done that. or that i really need to do so. i'm not super woman, or super quad and i'm not her. i'm not mom or engineer. i don't know what i am. who would think, after 24 yrs of injury, i could feel like this. i don't know who i am or what to strive for any more. i want to be left alone. i'm not brave, a role model, nothing. never wanted to be. but ever since my injury and return to work, seems like everybody else wanted me to be that.

                    just read anna quindlen's new novel: Every Last One. said a lot to me about things like our public faces and our privates ones, the things we take for granted and the things we lose. i read this novel in a day. anyway. that's all.

                    http://www.amazon.com/Every-Last-One...6089083&sr=1-1
                    Last edited by cass; 3 Oct 2010, 3:10 AM.

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                      Eloquently put Cass. It struck a few chords, especially the saying good bye thing. I struggle with that one. Early on in rehab some therapist or counsellor type person tried to tell me that the only way to move forward was to acknowledge that the pre sci me had died... but that just didn't feel right on account of still being alive and still being me. 17 years on I realize I'm still me in thought only, the ghost of me, a much lesser me. No one else just a fucked up remnant of what might have been if the language of movement had not been stripped away. A half told story.

                      Gee I'm sick of being limited to the use of language to express myself. I want to dance, not fucking talk about it.

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by cass View Post
                        i feel like i'm grieving, really for the first time, for her.
                        It didn't occur to me fiften years later to do that! Some counsellor told me that and I thought it was genius! But it's like PTSD, it's never really over. It subsides and then raises its ugly head again from time to time, just to let me know it's still there and that it always will be to my death bed.
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by brocko View Post
                          Eloquently put Cass. It struck a few chords, especially the saying good bye thing. I struggle with that one. Early on in rehab some therapist or counsellor type person tried to tell me that the only way to move forward was to acknowledge that the pre sci me had died... but that just didn't feel right on account of still being alive and still being me. 17 years on I realize I'm still me in thought only, the ghost of me, a much lesser me. No one else just a fucked up remnant of what might have been if the language of movement had not been stripped away. A half told story.

                          Gee I'm sick of being limited to the use of language to express myself. I want to dance, not fucking talk about it.
                          It felt like a death. That was harsh for you to be told that, but I think it's fine for us to feel it.

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by lynnifer View Post
                            It didn't occur to me fiften years later to do that! Some counsellor told me that and I thought it was genius! But it's like PTSD, it's never really over. It subsides and then raises its ugly head again from time to time, just to let me know it's still there and that it always will be to my death bed.
                            Yes, I always had that notion that I was in grief over the life I lost, but that I was also grieving for myself, too. I'll picture that fifteen-year-old boy who didn't see what was coming to him. It's sad.

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by brocko View Post
                              No one else just a fucked up remnant of what might have been if the language of movement had not been stripped away. A half told story.

                              Gee I'm sick of being limited to the use of language to express myself. I want to dance, not fucking talk about it.
                              the language of movement. i couldn't have put it better. dogs, cats, all animals have that. you're exactly right. we've lost it. well, actually we still have it, but only other dis ppl can understand it.

                              dowdy, where are you? the language of movement. this is genius. ty, brocko.

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                                Be back tomorrow or probably sometime time soon shoulda been to the hospital, nutso bloody fucking idiot of a carer fucked my neck thats the last time i have trained urse do my care,

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