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Theraputic or Devastating... I don't know

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    #31
    Originally posted by Shannon View Post
    Paul, Morgan is scum and a coward. In your situation the guy pointed his gun at you and fired. In my situation the driver didn't point his car at me and intentionally run into me. I just don't understand people like Morgan.

    So how many years did he end up serving?

    BTW, nice work talking to the high school kids. I always wanted to do that but never had the courage.
    Sentence to 10 years in prison was out in five.
    The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom
    --General George Patton

    Complex problems need to be solved collectively.
    ––Paul Nussbaum
    usc87.blogspot.com

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      #32
      My daughter and I were rear-ended by a garbage truck on a local highway, and the driver lied and said a hit and run dump truck driver hit us. It was heavy traffic and no one saw the impact, but no one saw a dump truck either. Two plus weeks later he crumbled under the threat of paint chip testing and confessed. I had to go to his sentencing (not really a sentence), and he cried and apologized etc. But the real test for me was dealing with my then 11 year old daughter's anger toward him. I didn't want her to live with anger and hate, and so we decided to just forget and forgive and set it behind us. I believe we are both better for it. We drive by the accident scene almost every day and it is rearely mentioned. For whatever it's worth...
      2012 SCINetUSA Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
      Please join me and donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

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        #33
        I appreciate the support.

        Why would a person such as the man who hit us NOT contact the other party to apologize? Obviously there are lots of reasons, but would there be any legal reasons 32 years later?

        I'm having extremely conflicting feelings today about what I think of him. Everyone does make mistakes. However, what was he doing at 9:00pm driving drunk with his 7 year old kid in the car with him? Why didn't he have insurance? He was 33 years old at the time. He should have known better.

        Sigh. I'm pissy today about the whole thing. According to his daughter's blog, they've traveled to Australia, Panama, and CA all within the last year. And what have I done in the last year? I had major back surgery and was in the hospital for a month and then in bed at home for 2 months.

        It just isn't fair. He spent only 2 years in prison. He currently has a daughter who is the same age as my daughter. While he's taking her on fabulous vacations, my daughter worries herself sick over my health. I wanna go to freakin' Australia, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford it. I'm still paying off my hospital bills... I just got a new manual chair because my other one was 6 years old and I have to pay $600 for it... For $600 I could buy a round trip ticket to Australia. And then there's all the other expenses that goes with SCI.

        I think he should have to pay my medical bills. I don't care if that means he doesn't get to go on dream vacations. Lots of people never have vacations like that. He's had TWO big ones in less than 1 year!

        This sucks. I think I liked it better when I didn't know anything about him.

        Thanks for listening to me whine.

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          #34
          I think I'd print what you just wrote out and leave it at his booth at the market.
          If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


          Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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            #35
            Hi Shannon,
            In reply to your questions..
            No, I no longer hate the driver but am kind of indifferent and not in a hurry to see him again. I am relieved to hear that his licence was revoked, I feel guilty that he needs to attend court and be sentenced-kind of feel sorry for him. Have heard that he wants to plead guilty and make things easy for us but still feel no guilt looking for best care and equipment irrelevant of price and seeking reimbursements of costs through his car insurance company as i feel if accident didnt happen i wouldnt be spending this money.
            Also there have been alot of articles about noirin in the local paper and it has been 'in his face' so i feel he is aware of his actions.
            No, he didnt apologise to noirin-she was in a different hospital and it would take a brave man to come to visit. I am kind of thankful that he didnt.
            Not sure if this helps but i understand all the emotions in your posts and wish you some peace. Take care.

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              #36
              Whatever the reason, causing some one a SCI would totally devastate me. You want to believe he is a good guy and ‘worthy’ of your forgiveness, that something positive has happened and it’s all not just a waste.

              You may also be twisting a knife that has be jabbing him dally for 32 years by ‘rubbing’ his nose in your injury. Do you want to make him aware of your misery? He may be a total non repentant danger to society, will that change the desired outcome or what you would do (expect an apology, scream, put it back in the box) after or during a meeting?

              Think it’s healthy to want to forgive though whatever you want from this meeting it must be under control and your purpose and motivation are clear in your mind and the desired outcome is not predicated on his response.

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                #37
                I doubt that meeting this guy would end up giving satisfaction to anyone. He'd be annoyed that anyone would want to bring up the subject, he wants to forget it - he figures he's already paid more than he should have had to - 2 freaking years out of my life, by god, go away and stop bothering me, lady. Totally wrong of course - you've paid a hell of a lot more, your daughter is paying, and it will never stop. But there you are.
                On the other hand, I suppose there's some small probability that he would be all apologetic? I don't know. There've been no signs of that.
                He needs to read a story about a little girl who was horribly injured by a drunk driver. The driver was able put the whole thing behind him in two years; the little girl never. You might write that story and send it to him. At least he might get some small understanding of what the result of his actions was. He probably thinks you're in a wheelchair, so what? You might tell him what SCI really means. It might help you as a catharsis, to write that. But I wouldn't expect an answer.
                I don't think there's a happy solution. He's still a POS.
                - Richard

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                  #38
                  There are a lot of injustices in the world and we cannot undo history. "Eye for an eye" justice is considered uncivil. I am not a particularly spiritual guy, but I have to believe in a final judgment day in the hereafter when adjustments and corrections are made. It helps to dissipate my anger and move on.
                  Last edited by SCIfor55+yrs.; 31 May 2010, 10:40 AM.
                  You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
                  http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

                  See my personal webpage @
                  http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

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                    #39
                    I met accident with truck. Our tiny maruti car got crushed between truck and tree! I did once met Truck driver in court . My feelings towards him was anger , felt to scream and scold him. but i choose of not confronting. its all destiny and felt that its of no use to scold and scream. i would vent out surely but again, old burns will become fresh and no peace. but that drunker devastator, inspite of 4 years of prison, he just hd 2 years. thats annoying.
                    ChemistOnline.in

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                      #40
                      I called him yesterday. I expected him to hang up on me when I told him who I was, but he didn't. We talked for probably about 10 minutes, and he said that I could call him back anytime. He was very nice. He apologized and said that he has spent his life trying to make up for what he did. What he has done , I don't know. I should have asked I guess.

                      Yesterday I was thinking about how good it felt to talk to him. I felt this tremendous weight lift off my shoulders when I was done talking to him. But now today I keep replaying the conversation in my head, and I'm doubting his sincerity. He said all the right things, but there was no emotion at all behind what he was saying. It was like he was telling me what he knew I wanted to hear.

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                        #41
                        Hi Shannon, For some reason I was thinking about this thread yesterday and wondered what you did.
                        It took great courage to call him in my opinion.
                        I think I'd be replaying the conversation back in my head also.
                        What would you like him you say or do? Do you think you will ever contact him in the future?

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                          #42
                          Hi Linda,

                          I wanted him to acknowledge that he screwed up and I wanted him to apologize. He did both. At the time it felt very good, but like I said, I'm doubting his sincerity today. There was no emotion at all on his part.... but maybe that's just because he is a guy. : D

                          By the end of the conversation, I felt sorry for him. And that's fine. I want to feel sorry for him. I guess I want him to feel some remorse.

                          I think I'm just angry at the unfairness of the whole thing, not at him, but he's the easy one to blame.

                          I don't know if I'll contact him again. I think I might email him and thank him for talking with me. I am thankful that he did that. He could have easily blown me off.

                          I'm thinking about this way too much.

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                            #43
                            Shannon, I think you showed true grit. I also believe that this is something you do for yourself and not the drunk driver.
                            The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom
                            --General George Patton

                            Complex problems need to be solved collectively.
                            ––Paul Nussbaum
                            usc87.blogspot.com

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by Shannon View Post
                              I called him yesterday. I expected him to hang up on me when I told him who I was, but he didn't. We talked for probably about 10 minutes, and he said that I could call him back anytime. He was very nice. He apologized and said that he has spent his life trying to make up for what he did. What he has done , I don't know. I should have asked I guess.

                              Yesterday I was thinking about how good it felt to talk to him. I felt this tremendous weight lift off my shoulders when I was done talking to him. But now today I keep replaying the conversation in my head, and I'm doubting his sincerity. He said all the right things, but there was no emotion at all behind what he was saying. It was like he was telling me what he knew I wanted to hear.

                              Maybe he was telling you things that he has said to himself thousands of times and was in shock that this time he was actually saying them to you. Like I may have mentioned earlier in this thread, the guy who ran over me tearfully apologized to me after court and I told him to set it aside and move on with his life. At least maybe that allowed me to forget about him. He didn't have any place in my life before so why let him in after...or something like that.

                              I hope you find some peace soon.
                              2012 SCINetUSA Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
                              Please join me and donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

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                                #45
                                Originally posted by swh2007 View Post
                                He didn't have any place in my life before so why let him in after....

                                What a powerful statement.

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