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    Loss of anonymity

    One odd thing that bugs me about being in a wheelchair is that people always remember me. I miss just running to the store and not looking my best or being charming and it was OK because no one would notice or remember me anyway. Now it seems people always remember me so I feel like I always have to look nice and behave well. (I generally always was inclined to look nice a behave well--but I didn’t feel like I had to). Once my husband and I went to a store to look at some furniture. We talked to the sales guy for some time about the details of the fabric choice etc. We left to go home with a fabric swatch and then call back. About 30 min. later I call and am talking to the same guy. I say, “My husband and I were talking to you about __(fill in details__ 30 min ago and I’m calling to order...” They guy had no idea who I was-- it was like he had zero memory of us. Finally, I said I was in a wheelchair and BANG! He remembers everything about us. Well this is a bit of a meandering rant ...but, do you ever wish the chair wasn’t so memorable to people and they remembered you for more important stuff? And do you ever wish you could just be more anonymous? (yea, I know, they are mutually exclusive wishes.)

    #2
    Originally posted by Lilli View Post
    One odd thing that bugs me about being in a wheelchair is that people always remember me. I miss just running to the store and not looking my best or being charming and it was OK because no one would notice or remember me anyway. Now it seems people always remember me so I feel like I always have to look nice and behave well. (I generally always was inclined to look nice a behave well--but I didn’t feel like I had to). Once my husband and I went to a store to look at some furniture. We talked to the sales guy for some time about the details of the fabric choice etc. We left to go home with a fabric swatch and then call back. About 30 min. later I call and am talking to the same guy. I say, “My husband and I were talking to you about __(fill in details__ 30 min ago and I’m calling to order...” They guy had no idea who I was-- it was like he had zero memory of us. Finally, I said I was in a wheelchair and BANG! He remembers everything about us. Well this is a bit of a meandering rant ...but, do you ever wish the chair wasn’t so memorable to people and they remembered you for more important stuff? And do you ever wish you could just be more anonymous? (yea, I know, they are mutually exclusive wishes.)
    I hear you lilli, I always just start off with, the one in a wheelchair, and they always remember me quick

    another unfair thingy, is it's easy for them to rememeber me when we meet again later, hard to forget me, but I always feel bad when I can't remember them
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

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      #3
      Yes I miss that. I hate not being able to blend in or slip in late to a meeting. You can not spy on anyone or get away with anything. No diguising either. Really shot my private detective work to hell.
      If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


      Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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        #4
        Private detective! Ha! Ha!
        Brucee, yes, everyone seems to know who I am, I can't remember everone's name. Not long ago at this thing downtown a friend was waiting to talk to me while others were standing around chatting with me.. he says "you are a hard to get to, you're so popular."
        I didn't used to be, I think people just want to be "supportive" or something - nice I guess -but weird.

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          #5
          I found it hard to be anonymous before my injury since I am English living in rural Georgia AND my ears stick out too much giving my face an "original" appearance.

          Plus my name is one sylable and means "stain on one's clothes".

          So if anyone has met me even one time they are like "Mark...!" and I am struggling to place their face, and will have no chance at remembering their name.

          And THEN - I got an SCI...??!!!!

          Now, NO ONE forgets the strange looking english dude in the wheelchair called Mark.....

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            #6
            Originally posted by Lilli View Post
            Private detective! Ha! Ha!
            Brucee, yes, everyone seems to know who I am, I can't remember everone's name. Not long ago at this thing downtown a friend was waiting to talk to me while others were standing around chatting with me.. he says "you are a hard to get to, you're so popular."
            I didn't used to be, I think people just want to be "supportive" or something - nice I guess -but weird.
            popular yes, but also you're a captive audience nowadays also
            We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
            Ronald Reagan

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              #7
              Originally posted by MarkB701 View Post
              I found it hard to be anonymous before my injury since I am English living in rural Georgia AND my ears stick out too much giving my face an "original" appearance.

              Plus my name is one sylable and means "stain on one's clothes".

              So if anyone has met me even one time they are like "Mark...!" and I am struggling to place their face, and will have no chance at remembering their name.

              And THEN - I got an SCI...??!!!!

              Now, NO ONE forgets the strange looking english dude in the wheelchair called Mark.....
              You , my friend are unforgettable for so many reasons.

              I have a rather different set of circumstances in my life. I grew up an identical twin. Nobody ever knew for sure who I was unless I had a name tag on (and dont think Mike and I didnt change them up a few times too).

              Even with family, we were rarely called by our names, but answered to "twin", "fella" or "shit head".

              When I got sick, I unfortunately got my own persona, a dubious destinction. Now with Mike using the chair, and my "ALS Accent", a lot of people think he is me. The only place I go anymore is to the hospital for dialysis, and the boys in the meat wagon pick me up and deliver me . I always make an entrance now!

              Now they can tell us apart by the wheels we drive, chair or gurney. Now that we are both on the vent, maybe I can talk Mike into doing dialysis for me like I used to take algebra tests for him??? The only other problem I have is that he has about 100 lbs on me now. I'm working on that tho!
              Veni.Vidi,Velcro...I came, I saw, I stuck around.

              Vidi, Vici, et Veni, et Veni, et Veni...

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                #8
                popular yes, but also you're a captive audience nowadays also

                "captive audience nowadays" LOL too true!
                Last edited by Lilli; 24 Feb 2010, 4:33 PM. Reason: added clarity

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                  #9
                  Haha MarkPals you remind me of that Bill Cosby skit where one kid thinks his name is "Jesus Christ!" and the other kid think his is "Goddammit!".

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by TAM63 View Post
                    Haha MarkPals you remind me of that Bill Cosby skit where one kid thinks his name is "Jesus Christ!" and the other kid think his is "Goddammit!".
                    damn, i was thinging of that exact skit when I read his post,, nooooo i'm jesus christ, i loved cosby's stand up routine
                    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
                    Ronald Reagan

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I hear you...to some degree we all watch people but yet at times people come and go without notice...Not so when you end up in a chair...I do not guess anyone wants to be ignored all the time but to be just another face in the crowd sometimes is nice....I like to cycle and instead of just some guy on a bike I am "That guy" that pedals that three wheeled cycle with his hands...there are people that cycle more than I do, and I cycle a lot, but they are just some guy on a bike and I am more like a local celebrity and I do not want to be, at least not for that reason....

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                        #12
                        might sound bad, but I would love being able to, when I was in a crowded room, listening to a very boring person, just be able to say, excuse me, turn and walk away
                        We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
                        Ronald Reagan

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                          #13
                          I have have experienced this, but it is the other side of the problem that I dislike. It is people who come up and start talking to me about when they met me or saw me before but I am certain they did not. It is that "everyone in a wheelchair looks alike" syndrome. lol
                          You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
                          http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

                          See my personal webpage @
                          http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by SCIfor55yrs. View Post
                            I have have experienced this, but it is the other side of the problem that I dislike. It is people who come up and start talking to me about when they met me or saw me before but I am certain they did not. It is that "everyone in a wheelchair looks alike" syndrome. lol
                            or the dude that comes up to you and says, wow i know how you feel, i broke my leg and spent a week in a wheelchair, a stranger that thinks we have so much to bond with
                            We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
                            Ronald Reagan

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                              #15
                              being noticed and remembered can be and is a very powerful thing and all should use it to their advantage.

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