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  • #46
    Originally posted by Wesley View Post
    depending on how difficult it is to get to traffic court, I would consider going and simply explaining the situation.
    1. You are a high level quadriplegic, unable to drive and dependent on much of your driving being done by friends and relatives
    2. Your friend, the driver, it is unable or unwilling to pay the fine or a portion of it.
    3. You accept the responsibility for the ticket and ask the judge to use his/her discretion to amend the fine.
    Thanks. I took your advice yesterday did look into going to traffic court. Unfortunately, physically it is going to be virtually impossible for me to go to traffic court right now. I am waiting for a call back to see if I can get a different date. If that request gets turned down, I will just pay the fine.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Eileen View Post
      Legally, it is your responsibility, unfortunately, but she really is acting like a douche bag over this. Personally, I would have a hard time getting past the emotional hurt of her saying or implying she was doing you a favor since she was acting like a friend and attending the concert and having dinner out. That is not doing a favor, that is friendship. Years ago a friend and I were drag racing late at night (stupid, I know, but this was really a lifetime ago) and for whatever reason she was the one pulled over by the cops, who seemed to think that she was speeding and I was not. Nothing could be further from the truth, but they just happened to catch her when she pulled around me to pass. We met around the next curve and knew how lucky we were that they thought it was just a single person speeding instead of what was really going on. They gave her an expensive ticket which we split the cost of. That is the least I could do, and it is the least your friend shoud do for you.
      Drag racing? I am immensely impressed at how bad ass that is Eileen lol. No judgements from me. I have my own list of things that "seemed like a good idea at the time" but now just make me want cringe when I look back.

      About my friend, I think you hit the nail on the head. I realized last night I am less upset about her refusing to pay the ticket than I am about her comments about driving me being a favour. I am more hurt than angry.

      But in terms of getting past it, I am a bit stuck. I was thinking about that old cliche of there being a fine line between love and hate. We have been friends since we were 4 years old. That's a long time. As I said earlier, that makes it tougher to just cut her out of my life. I know I have said and done hurtful things to people I love and they have let it go.

      But on the other side of that, its true that her using the word "favour" really was a low blow given the circumstances. It was humliating. I feel very conflicted. The ticket, as annoying as it is, can be easily resolved by paying it. What she said can't. So I really don't know what I am going to do about it.

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      • #48
        To be the devils advocate, you and your friends went out for a day of fun. Being unable to use your friends car (not accessible to you) your friend drove your car with you and another friend as passengers. If you had taken your friends car that is registered and insured to her, she would have been responsible. Does that then mean that when she drives your car she can neglect to follow basic traffic laws because you are the registered and insured owner? If she would have been pulled over for speeding, running a (non camera) red light, not fully stopping at a stop sign, etc. the ticket would have gone to her. Seeing as red light cameras use the information from the registration on the license plate, the ticket came to you. YOU were NOT the one driving, and that can be proved. It sounds as if you were not visible in the car period, so I don't think they can hold you responsible for the ticket. Go to court and fight it. You have nothing to lose and the worst case is that you have to pay the ticket as originally written. More likely is that they will throw the ticket out or reduce the fine so that you don't have to fork over as much money.
        Good luck and keep us updated.
        ~Mandy~
        SCI as a result of spinal surgery
        TiLite Aero Z!!!

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        • #49
          Yeah but she has stated that she won't go to court. Basically she's letting the guilty person steal $285 from her, get a ticket on her record that she didn't commit, have her insurance cost increase, and do nothing about it. Someone I consider a friend wouldn't treat me that way. You could at least call the police station and explain it was a different person driving so they can ticket the right person.
          Andrew

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          • #50
            Originally posted by SoulScream View Post
            Yeah but she has stated that she won't go to court. Basically she's letting the guilty person steal $285 from her, get a ticket on her record that she didn't commit, have her insurance cost increase, and do nothing about it. Someone I consider a friend wouldn't treat me that way. You could at least call the police station and explain it was a different person driving so they can ticket the right person.
            Just to correct a few things you wrote:

            1. I didn't say I won't go to court. I said it would be very difficult physically for me to do so. Impossible actually. With -30 celcius weather, 3 feet of snow and ice, and unsafe road conditions, I can't go outside. Judge me for that if you want. But I don't have the luxury of mobility outside of my home right now. I did write earlier that I called about getting an extension on the court date. However if the extension request is not granted, yes I will pay the $285 because legally the ticket was issued in my name.

            2. The police can't change the ticket. The ticket was given out according to proper guidelines. Even if I go to court, the ticket can only be reduced or thrown out. She can't be ticketed.

            3. I called my insurance company. I was told this ticket won't raise my rates.
            Last edited by orangejello; 12-10-2009, 12:11 PM.

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            • #51
              I respect your decision if you decide to pay. The old sayings "the best things in life are free", "love people more than things" are ones I try to live my life by. Friendship should come before money any day. I realize you're more hurt by the statement, I would be too. However there are many times I've blurted out things unintentionally with little thought, we all do. Just go with the thought that this is what happened. After a 25 yr old friendship also ask what she really meant, tell how you feel. Don't let it fester(msp?) inside you.

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