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It finally has come to this.

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  • #16
    I had this reaction during one bout of UTI. The infection became sepsis or so I was told, and I had a very high temperature 103+. The shakes as I called them occurred so quickly. Because the shakes stop, does not mean the infection or what ever is wrong, has passed. Get someone to help.


    • #17
      Wow This was a bad situation, sorry it had to happen to either of you! High quadriplegic life is not something in some people's cards, there's no shame in that though, because at least in my eyes if it's bad enough to make you dependent it really shouldn't be. But the way he apparently treated you, is not OK! If this kind of disabled lifestyle was never for him ( if you know yourself and your principles it's not hard to tell whether it is or isn't, the it took me five-years bullshit is for people that were going to "cope" with it anyways), then it's his responsibility as a man to let you go. And maybe him saying those hurtful things and acting the way he did, "blaming" you , was his frankly cowardly and indirect way of telling you that. But when you lose so much, and/or have so little pushing someone away, or blocking emotions can be daunting, but it's for other persons best interest. I know this from first-hand experience, hurt myself so bad and failed to recover anything I am almost entirely dependent, it's A pathetic life style and repulsive existence in my eyes, that won't change its who I'am it's only the proper way to look at such a thing for me. And because I knew that, and because they refused to let nature take it's course and let me die at the time! dating or bringing someone into something I find repulsive or something I hate is not an option. Even it feels nice at the time. to my surprise when a great, beautiful girl did take interest in me,understood me, almost impressed with my mentality :/ we connected everything and for the time it lasted it was nice, made things "better". But despite my efforts feelings developed, and I had to rip the Band-Aid off along with everything was very difficult, definitely the only time clinical depression took over. Obviously added additional pain,but I did this, I despise iti'm not going to involve someone else, it was best for both us... But I was direct with it, I establish it right away, when emotions flared up too much I ended it ( although I didn't end it fast enough ). Marriage of course is a much more complicated situation, but I believe if we can analyze ourselves to know that this isn't an option and obviously it is in the way that he's going to continue, but coping isn't so he should've been more direct, to avoid hurting someone else because of the disability, does enough as it is. If anything marriage makes it more necessary to come to that realization.

      Now I can't speak for him, but when you mention the motorcycle something came to mind. I've done similar things myself, bought things I cant use or too expensive etc. Aggression, stubbornness, pride, toughness, principles etc can really prevent someone from "progressing" to the disabled lifestyle. So yes he probably should keep his money, spend it "wisely" on pills, catheters, diapers etc because that's the reality of it, that's the lifestyle you're going to live after a serious injury. And that's a no-brainer for a lot of people they buy diapers and hey they keep them dry so they're happy. But maybe he's like me, overwhelmed with shame, disgusted by the "reality" sees a great disgrace in fully committing to the life. It's likely he knows the motorcycle isn't in the cards, but he sees something that has even a shred of respect in it,maybe causes a Little flicker of self admiration I don't know big difference from buying diapers, cripple beds and piss pads. Either way if he feels that way he's not going to commit to coping, as I said he should've let you know that, and done it properly not by blaming or pushing away indirectly...

      But sounds like you've moved on and things are better for you, that's good,I just wish it went smoother sadly this kind of situation happens after SCI tho.
      Last edited by JamesMcM; 03-25-2016, 10:33 PM.