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Got fed in public for the first time today

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    Got fed in public for the first time today

    Unable to eat after midnight, I was famished enough after my tests to eat in the hospital cafeteria. So among all the young male doctors, one of whom (though nobody specific yet) I always assumed will end up being my partner, I felt myself devolve from the invisible that Betheny has described so well to just infantile (or aged), and totally out of the running. Do folks with lousy hands just not go out to eat, learn somehow to use adaptive silverware, or just let someone feed you?

    #2
    I can't feed myself and for a long time I refused to eat or drink anything in public beyond things like a drink that came with a straw.

    But the thing that changed my mind and got me to at least consider eating out was I saw a husband and wife having an anniversary meal when I was in one of the best places to eat in my city and I was miserable and refusing to eat anything but a milkshake because I was too self-conscious. I think the wife must have had MS. Anyway they were sitting side by side and he was feeding her and although I was staring at them (nice, I know ), the thing that struck me was that nobody else seemed to be noticing them. How they were sitting it really was barely noticable at all he was feeding her. In fact my brother, who was sitting right beside me never noticed at all until I pointed it out. Then we were both staring. Sigh. Anyway they were having a really good time. After that I started to feel less self conscious about it. I still won't go order something that might be complicated or messy or take a long time when I go out. But I do eat out fairly often, sometimes a few times a week.

    I don't know how bad your hands are. I think it's really hard at first if you have to rely on somebody else to eat, even partially. Almost 4 years into this, it still bothers me but not enough that it prevents me from eating out.

    Comment


      #3
      You know what? Everyone gets so worried about what people are thinking, when in reality most peple may think about you for a few minutes, and then go right back to thinking about themselves. Dont let others stop you from enjoying a meal out. Enjoy every mouthful. I have a peg tube and havent eaten real food for 3 yrs. Before I had to stop eating I had no use of my hands so it wasnt pretty when I ate out but I enjoyed every mouthful. It was always an adventure especially with "friends" who couldnt find my mouth, but could find my ear. lol Go out and eat a big ,juicy burger for me and enjoy every mouthful.

      All the best,
      Mark
      Veni.Vidi,Velcro...I came, I saw, I stuck around.

      Vidi, Vici, et Veni, et Veni, et Veni...

      Comment


        #4
        People get embarrassed.It's natural,it's human...

        Although I don't need help now,those feelings are still with me from my first month(s) of sci.First,I had no way to do so,I had to depend on the hand of another.I would hardly eat,it was a hard pill to swallow.As I regained some function it was still hell.I had huge plasticware attached to a strap eating off a plate that was raised close to my face.I still managed to make a huge mess even with a towel length bib.I wanted independence,but not at that price.It was still torture.I was fortunate to move on but it seems like the madness was yesterday.

        It seems we're always looking for normalcy but what really is normal?It didn't sink in that people probably weren't really staring & giggling as I thought until I met a friend in rehab with spastic CP.His muscles kept him jumping & jerking in his chair.Arms whaling,he couldn't feed himself.Even with his food drenched bib,he was the light of the show.Not because of how he ate,but because of him,his conversation,his intellect,his humor.You were likely to get spit on,but he was the first one I wanted to sit by.I think too that people are more likely to zero in on someone sulking because of their limitations rather than just ignoring them & enjoying themselves.

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          #5
          I don't worry much whar people think nearly as uch as just managing wjat I need.But when it's men I'd like to date it changes the ballgame.

          Comment


            #6
            Hi Random,
            My hands are good enough to be able to manage easy stuff, but I never order anything that needs to be cut into pieces outside. Lately I have started to allow one person to tackle it for me cause I am sick of eating things for convience instead of desire. Nobody notices, and now if I really wanted something I would just ask the kitchen to cut it up before they even brought it to me.

            Comment


              #7
              Random,

              If all a guy gets out of who you are is that your hands don't work so well, then he is NOT the guy for you, no matter how hot, cute, handsome or sexy...

              Every once in a while, even I get the "woe is me's" and I call my dear bf and tell him that I am having to ride the electric cart at WalMart...crying...and he tells me...

              Honey, I love you, getty over it!

              He's such a keeper!

              Comment


                #8
                ...and NO, I am not telling Random to get over it! So don't anybody go reading stuff into my words here...or throwing darts of flame at me!!!

                I know that needing to be fed is a BIG deal...and I wish I could fix it....

                Teena

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                  #9
                  I get sad that guys don't look at me the same way anymore and wonder if anyone will ever find me attractive again.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Teena, your words may be only happy for you, and gave me hope. Does he have a brother?

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Randy, I don't understand why you aren't feeding yourself, is it something to do with your recent accident?

                      If food needs cutting I get someone to cut it for me, otherwise I just thread the fork or spoon through my fingers and dig in!

                      I may be kidding myself but these days I don't think Joe Public takes any notice which is a nice change from twenty years ago.

                      As for your date, order a big steak and he'll be too busy cutting it for you to worry about how you're eating it!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I remember when I was newly injured I would not eat in front of any one, I would only let certain people feed me. Now I could care less, I don't like it but it is one of the least of my worry's .
                        Dave
                        C5/C6 complete
                        http://www.davegrotzinger.com
                        http://www.daves-webdesign.com

                        "I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me guaranteed..." - Eddie Vedder

                        Comment


                          #13
                          You're probably making too big of a deal about it. People might watch for a second and then go on with their business. I can feed myself, but whenever I do something that might be embarrassing I just think to myself "Hell, people are probably proud of me for doing the things I do & having the courage, rather then them looking down on me & being judgemental."
                          Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Yes Jonathan, my recent injury pretty much shot my hands and arms too, because I've never been one to do things halfway. So I guess I need just to find a way to make feeding me an alluring prospect for a guy. I would ask the kitchen to cut it, but plate to mouth still is not a pretty, or even always successful, endeavor. But my tongue is pretty much the only dexterous thing I've got left. I guess until I find a guy as good as the one OJ saw, I'm going to have to find a way to make that work for me.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Random View Post
                              Yes Jonathan, my recent injury pretty much shot my hands and arms too, because I've never been one to do things halfway. So I guess I need just to find a way to make feeding me an alluring prospect for a guy. I would ask the kitchen to cut it, but plate to mouth still is not a pretty, or even always successful, endeavor. But my tongue is pretty much the only dexterous thing I've got left. I guess until I find a guy as good as the one OJ saw, I'm going to have to find a way to make that work for me.
                              Well to be fair I am assuming that they were a couple that has been married for some time as they looked to be in their 60s. Not that it matters if they had been married a long time or not, but there did seem to be that dynamic going on.

                              However speaking from my own experience, I have had many different friends and family help me eat when I am out. It's typically not a problem for them or me--we just do it without even thinking about it, although I can sometimes feel overly self conscious even if nobody is looking at me. If I was on a date though, with somebody that I barely knew, I probably would have a much more difficult time with it. I don't know that I could ask a date feed me. But its nothing to do with being worried other people were watching.

                              But then again we do what we have to do, right? I can be too self-conscious for my own good sometimes.

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