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    Coping with Loneliness and Isolation

    How do you deal with it, if it's something that is an issue in your life?

    #2
    I pretty much just watch a lot of TV. I also work full time, so that helps with feeling lonely. I don't know your circumstances, I hope you don't sit in the same place all the time and never leave. If this is the case, then I would recommend that you try to get out and do something like go shopping or cruise around your town and see what everyone is doing. If you are unable to do this, then I can only suggest that you try to keep busy and try not to think about things that bother you. I know it's hard to do, but anything you can find interest to do with help.

    I also spend some time on the net and watching porn.LOL

    Can you post your situation?

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      #3
      I have an ambivalent relationship with lonliness. I feel it, sometimes quite acutely, but then I am also so tired and often in a great deal of pain and at times like that I don't much feel like "putting on the happy face" and having to fake it. I have a therapist who talks about trying to be more "authentic" but I still have a difficult time imagining sharing my day to day travails with much of anyone, so the mask of "I'm fine" is automatic, and exhausting. My cats serve as my confidants, twenty-four hour a day best buds, and sometimes even my crying buddies. CCC has helped with some of the lonliness, and I am grateful to have found it. I went from once upon a time watching virtually no televison to now watching quite a lot. It started to scare me when I realized I knew the daily lineup when once I didn't even know the shows, let alone their time slots. I have relaxed about that some and figure I am doing the best I can and that I always held myself to a too high standard.

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        #4
        I try to get out with my PA the three days she is working and drink coffee or eat a snack. I am not fond of tv, but I like movies and shows but only when I can choose when to see it.

        I use a lot of time on my laptop, I am here, on facebook and two Norwegian forums.

        The problem for me is that I can't go visit anybody, everybody is living on the fourth floor without lift and when I don't go visit, they don't visit me either. And most of the places my friends use to go it is not accessible so I can't join them. And then I never meet any people either so I feel stucked.
        TH 12, 43 years post

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          #5
          I havn't felt loneliness since when I was first hurt. I guess I put it on other things to keep me busy. I'm a big gamer which really helps, I mean your talking to people but your not actually there with them, kind of weird I know. But without the internet, wow I would be a totally differnet person, I don't know what the hell I would do in my spare time if I didn't have online games lol. I mean I like going out and hanging wtih friends don't get me wrong but that gets old fast as well, I need a break from the same old same old going out bar scene.

          Also It definatley helps when you live with other people. I use to live alone because I wasn't sure how people would adapt to me but I like it a ton better when I'm with people even though I need my alone time.
          Injured:10-16-04
          C7/C8, T1 incomplete;


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            #6
            Loneliness is inevitable. We in the disabled community just experience more of it, earlier, than most. When I pass through nursing homes I see an epidemic of loneliness in the sorrowful eyes of the elderly, gazing out windows, into the past. It breaks my heart.

            This space gives us an opportunity, as well. Loneliness urges us to fill up these moments--to acquire, to achieve, to become--but, really, what are we after? Lasting love? Security? Affirmation? These things are temporary. No matter how much we fill up our lives with people, love, family, experiences, and achievements, lonely windows still await. Everything we do, acquire, and cling to for security, will fall apart, and we're left with nothing, not even our cherished memories, which also fade and slip away.

            All we can do is sit in this unbearable emptiness, with this terrible silence, and feel our mind grasping at the wind--at fleeting moments and circumstances--and realize that there is no satisfaction to be found in this conditioned world; that we are change, incarnate, growing and falling apart, an amalgam of dust granted a moment of sentience; that we are the whole universe, briefly reconstituted, gazing back at itself.

            We are condemned. We will soon disappear. Loneliness is a symptom of recognizing the truth of our existence. It can be freedom, as well, though. Freedom from trying to hold on, from suffering over acquiring and achieving. And maybe, in the midst of that, we'll remember that we are the Earth and the atmosphere--the soil and the trees, the rivers and oceans--the stars, nebulae, and galaxies--the very elements of eternity, and even these painful moments can't keep us for long.

            "Six Kinds of Loneliness." http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.ph...k=view&id=1833
            "I'm lost. I'm no guide, but I'm by your side." - Pearl Jam

            "It decomposes, mendicant, therefore, truly, one calls this the world." -- Loka Sutta

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              #7
              You just need to stay busy. Work, gym, hobbies just life. Im as busy as any ab i know, busier actually. I really dont feel its an sci thing, i think its the person.. Self esteem is the biggie.
              Bike-on.com rep
              John@bike-on.com
              c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
              sponsored handcycle racer

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                #8
                Originally posted by orangejello View Post
                How do you deal with it, if it's something that is an issue in your life?
                I just got used to it after living it so long. I think having been gay in high school, and then paralyzed, I'd felt so uncomfortable in my skin for so many years in my adolescence that being alone or homebound was more of a blessing than it was a curse in ways. By the time I'd reached a place in myself that I was fully comfortable with myself being gay and paraplegic, I'd already been so used to the low-key life that I didn't aspire for more wholeheartedly, but only wistfully. I hope that makes sense.

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                  #9
                  These days I'm not coping very well. Being stuck on bed rest since December has been killing me and none of my friends come to visit me anymore. The only people I have that visit me are my family and caregivers, and my family doesn't even really like it because I might ask for help for something. All day yesterday I just felt really down, and today's not much better. I guess it's the fact that I got up yesterday to run to the doctors office and do a couple of other errands and today for an hour to run to the grocery store and now I'm stuck back in bed for the rest of the day with no one to visit me other than my caregiver who comes at night, but that's just not the same. That's why I'm thinking of finally migrating into a power chair so that I can get into my van and go out and do stuff on my own, that is if I can afford to get it converted. The now I need is a job and some friends, single friends and maybe even a girlfriend or two.
                  C-5/6, 7-9-2000
                  Scottsdale, AZ

                  Make the best out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Nobody knows that better than those of us that have almost died from spinal cord injury.

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                    #10
                    With all due respect, any sentence that starts with "You just need to" is a little glib and likely to have limited usefulness in helping some folks. We all applaud your effort and satisfaction with your personal situation, but each SCIed individual has a unique set of circumstances. I trust that you are attempting to be encouraging, but some may find your tone more scolding than inspirational. Some folks, despite their best efforts, will find their circumstances overwhelming and develop feelings of isolation. Some stay busy just trying to maintain a semblance of health.

                    I do agree that the issue is not entirely SCI, but goes to any individual and their situation. One can imagine how you would deal with a different set of circumstances that you have never experienced. In the end, it is just your imagination.

                    Originally posted by fuentejps View Post
                    You just need to stay busy. Work, gym, hobbies just life. Im as busy as any ab i know, busier actually. I really dont feel its an sci thing, i think its the person.. Self esteem is the biggie.
                    Foolish

                    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

                    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

                    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

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                      #11
                      Hi OJ,

                      they're definitely issues in my life... how I try to reduce them is by not living alone, I have 2 housemates & we have separate bedrooms/bathrooms/kitchen so we don't owe each other company or anything else, but there's always someone around if you need a chat... otherwise I think that in winter I might never see anyone...

                      Honestly when I started corresponding with poor old Ozymandias a while back, I was afraid he wouldn't understand me on the phone because I hadn't spoken English on the phone for so many years! and no voice mail or anything because no one would ever call me, not even solicitors :-(

                      As for how to cope psychologically, I can't say, I'm a model of asociability lol.

                      Lots of cats. Hence the username. Sometimes it would be nice to have a hug without claws and tuna breath, though.

                      No real answers. Just understanding. Certainly being back in school will help--when all else fails, you can talk about your homework.

                      Lori

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by fuentejps View Post
                        You just need to stay busy. Work, gym, hobbies just life. Im as busy as any ab i know, busier actually. I really dont feel its an sci thing, i think its the person.. Self esteem is the biggie.
                        I would definitely have to agree. I can't sit around all day waiting for the next day to come, but that is just me. In the early days of injury, I had not a clue how to deal socially and now most of my friends complain they can never reach me since I am always somewhere. Gotta' find a way to keep life moving--even if your body isn't. Foolish is correct though--all our situations are unique and many here cannot just "up and go." Guess in the end we all have to find our own outlets....
                        Last edited by Wheelieboy; 15 May 2009, 12:43 AM. Reason: reflection

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                          #13
                          OJ when I'm alone I like to crank up the stereo and listen to whatever music reflects the mood I'm in. I also find it soothing at the same time. And the louder the better!
                          "Music will always find its way to us, with or without business, politics, religion, or any other bullshit attached. Music survives everything, and like God it is always present. It needs no help, and suffers no hindrance. It has always found me, and with God's blessing and permission, it always will." Eric Clapton

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by Saorsa View Post
                            All we can do is sit in this unbearable emptiness, with this terrible silence, and feel our mind grasping at the wind--at fleeting moments and circumstances--and realize that there is no satisfaction to be found in this conditioned world; that we are change, incarnate, growing and falling apart, an amalgam of dust granted a moment of sentience; that we are the whole universe, briefly reconstituted, gazing back at itself.
                            I am so not a Buddhist.

                            C.

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                              #15
                              I make plans for the future. Or I'll get into a spot where I'm researching something ... that takes up a lot of time.
                              Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                              T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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