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C7 encountering some bullying in high end condo development

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    C7 encountering some bullying in high end condo development

    I'm a C7 complete (28 yrs post) living on my own in a higher end condo development. I'm on the ground level and usually leave the blinds open. The old ladies in my development are always looking in the windows and talking about the state of my unit. They have gone as far as following me to my door and insisting on helping me carry groceries in so they can get in and comment. It feels like concerted harrassment. Has anyone dealt with this legally/formally?

    On a slightly different but I think related front, I was in the hospital in January 2016 for five days and must have been asked about 10 times by health care providers whether anyone in my life or environment was controling/bullying/abusing me. They usually followed up with asking if anyone is doing anything to me without my consent or intimidating me because of my limitations.

    Perhaps SCIs fit under the umbrella of elder abuse laws as well? Any thoughts? I'm pretty tough and thick skinned but it has been ongoing for over 2 years. I don't mean to sound like a wuss either but it does wear on you after a while.

    #2
    When I have been in the hospital, for inpatient or out patient stays I have been asked verbally by the staff and/or by admission forms if I feel safe in my home environment. When I fill out new patient forms at a doctor's office I've been requested to respond yes or no to a question like, "Do you feel comfortable and secure, and not threatened in your home environment?" I've been told it is a required question. I don't know if it is required that you answer it.

    As for the "old ladies," they are likely curious, don't mean any harm, and probably genuine in their offers to help. I'd just thank them politely and say something like, "No Thanks, I'm good." Who knows, one day you just may be grateful for their offers of assistance. Open blinds, just naturally are an invitation to peek in, it is just human nature for folks to want to know what goes on behind those windows. Simple solution is to close your blinds, or get those top down, bottom up blinds that let light in on top and block the view of the casual passerby.

    Comment


      #3
      You don't say where you live in your profile, but I will assume it is in the USA. Yes, hospitals are required to screen you (and all patients) for abuse or neglect upon admission. You should expect questions about this from the nursing admission assessment, your physician history and physical, and any contact with a social worker. Failure to do such screening can put the hospital in violation of both federal law and Joint Commission accreditation standards.

      And yes, in most states, people with disabilities are considered to be in a special protected class, along with children and the elderly, when it comes to protection from abuse and neglect, and agencies such as Adult Protective Services (name varies by state) must receive and investigate any reports of suspected abuse or neglect made by legally mandated reporters. Legally mandated reporters include nurses, physicians, social workers, PTs, OTs, SPs, psychologists, etc. as well as others such as teachers and the police. That being said, I don't think you are being singled out in being asked the amount of questions you are reporting about this during a hospitalization. You might want to talk to AB friends who have been in the same hospital and find out that they have been questioned a similar number of times.

      I agree with gjnl that you might want to investigate getting blinds or screens that prevent someone from looking into your windows from the outside, esp. when your lights are on in your condo. Have you told these women that they are out of line, and they still persist???? If so, I would file a complaint with the condo association board. You should first check your CC&Rs and association regulations for what it says about violation of privacy between owners and/or tenants. Peeping Toms should be called out, and if necessary, you can also call the police and report this activity, regardless of whether or not it is on association property.

      (KLD)
      The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

      Comment


        #4
        Agree with the other posters. My Dad gets asked those questions about abuse all the time. Totally normal.

        My Dad is almost 75, and has a spinal cord injury. The most rude individuals that my father encounters by far are.... other seniors. They frequently stare, shake their head ("poor thing...."), speak too loudly about him within earshot etc... Fortunately, he tends not to notice. Sometimes it's all I can do not to walk up to them and say.... "Didn't your mother teach you it's rude to stare?"

        But honestly, most folks have good intentions. Often it's worth giving people the benefit of the doubt. It makes life better.

        Comment


          #5
          NL says she has been asked verbally and by a form the "Do you feel comfortable and secure, and not threatened in your home environment?" question when she goes for her annual mammogram.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by SCI-Nurse View Post
            You don't say where you live in your profile, but I will assume it is in the USA. Yes, hospitals are required to screen you (and all patients) for abuse or neglect upon admission. You should expect questions about this from the nursing admission assessment, your physician history and physical, and any contact with a social worker. Failure to do such screening can put the hospital in violation of both federal law and Joint Commission accreditation standards.

            And yes, in most states, people with disabilities are considered to be in a special protected class, along with children and the elderly, when it comes to protection from abuse and neglect, and agencies such as Adult Protective Services (name varies by state) must receive and investigate any reports of suspected abuse or neglect made by legally mandated reporters. Legally mandated reporters include nurses, physicians, social workers, PTs, OTs, SPs, psychologists, etc. as well as others such as teachers and the police. That being said, I don't think you are being singled out in being asked the amount of questions you are reporting about this during a hospitalization. You might want to talk to AB friends who have been in the same hospital and find out that they have been questioned a similar number of times.

            I agree with gjnl that you might want to investigate getting blinds or screens that prevent someone from looking into your windows from the outside, esp. when your lights are on in your condo. Have you told these women that they are out of line, and they still persist???? If so, I would file a complaint with the condo association board. You should first check your CC&Rs and association regulations for what it says about violation of privacy between owners and/or tenants. Peeping Toms should be called out, and if necessary, you can also call the police and report this activity, regardless of whether or not it is on association property.

            (KLD)
            I'm in MN. Wrt to being asked those questions by health professionals, I was just suggesting that the questions are being asked because children, the elderly and disabled are being taken advantage of, to enough of a degree, that they need to be protected.

            I have blinds but like to let the sun in occasionally. I have spoken to the individual old ladies and to them collectively. They deny looking into my windows. I've lived in several condos over the decades in different parts of the country and have found that old ladies are consistenly nosey in the US. I've actually heard them discussing the quality of someone in a wheelchairs homekeeping abilities.

            Our condo board is extremely rigid and has an insider relationship with the police. The condo association "rule enforcer" in our building is a member of the community police force citizen board which acts like a steering committee for the police force and has hiring and firing authority over officers. The point of all this is that going to the police is like going through our condo association. They're connected, they talk and the enforcer can turn up or lower the police's interest in complaints from our residents. These are the same folks that reported to the police that my seven year handicap placard had just expired a few days earlier, which resulted in a monster ticket that I had to go before the judge for (They knew the 19 year old vehicle was mine but were waiting to report it to the cops as soon as the date expired and did).

            The real issue is that it is an upscale building and appearances matter. It's not as easy for SCIs to play the keeping up appearances game as it is for ABs.
            Last edited by Patton57; 24 Sep 2017, 11:36 AM.

            Comment


              #7
              That really stinks about your ticket. That would really irritate me.

              But you sound a little.... paranoid? Are you worried they are going to ?kick you out for not keeping your condo tidy enough? They can't kick you out for that. What appearances are you worried that you have to keep up?

              You know these older ladies are bored and nose-y. You aren't going to change them. Kill them with kindness, or just ... let it go.

              Agree with the blinds that open from the top. That's what I use. You open the top, so the sun comes in.... but the bottom of the window is kept covered so people can't see in.

              http://www.jcpenney.com/p/jcpenney-home-top-down-bottom-up-cordless-cellular-shade-free-swatch/pp50010580006?pTmplType=regular&country=US&currenc y=USD&selectedSKUId=73685960117&selectedLotId=7368 596&fromBag=true&quantity=1&utm_medium=cse&utm_sou rce=google&utm_campaign=cellular%20shades&utm_cont ent=73685960117&cid=cse%7Cgoogle%7C004%20-%20home%20furn%20leisure%7Ccellular%20shades_73685 960117&gclid=Cj0KCQjwr53OBRCDARIsAL0vKrM4_p_Kp17P1 Z5Zo1lDvf9qaV94Z3ECits0U0lch1JDYcvMzxlUkU0aAnwKEAL w_wcB&kwid=productads-adid^206241217092-device^c-plaid^334374591990-sku^73685960117-adType^PLA

              And I would love a condo association that has a relationship with the police. Hopefully that means it is safer. I've had two break ins, and the police couldn't care less..... My neighbors WATCHED someone break into my place, and said/did nothing. I would have loved some nose-y neighbors that knew when something looked suspicious and might look out for me. Isn't that more likely where you are? Grass is always greener, I guess.

              Comment


                #8
                This sounds like an incredible opportunity to troll the Hell out of those noisy old bitties. Wanna peek through my windows?! I'll make sure you'll see something you wish you hadn't.
                "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

                "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Oddity View Post
                  This sounds like an incredible opportunity to troll the Hell out of those noisy old bitties. Wanna peek through my windows?! I'll make sure you'll see something you wish you hadn't.
                  That might lead to dating a bunch of grannies which is a little premature for me. Although it would certainly be a significant increase to the action I'm getting now.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by hlh View Post
                    That really stinks about your ticket. That would really irritate me.

                    But you sound a little.... paranoid? Are you worried they are going to ?kick you out for not keeping your condo tidy enough? They can't kick you out for that. What appearances are you worried that you have to keep up?

                    You know these older ladies are bored and nose-y. You aren't going to change them. Kill them with kindness, or just ... let it go.

                    Agree with the blinds that open from the top. That's what I use. You open the top, so the sun comes in.... but the bottom of the window is kept covered so people can't see in.

                    http://www.jcpenney.com/p/jcpenney-home-top-down-bottom-up-cordless-cellular-shade-free-swatch/pp50010580006?pTmplType=regular&country=US&currenc y=USD&selectedSKUId=73685960117&selectedLotId=7368 596&fromBag=true&quantity=1&utm_medium=cse&utm_sou rce=google&utm_campaign=cellular%20shades&utm_cont ent=73685960117&cid=cse%7Cgoogle%7C004%20-%20home%20furn%20leisure%7Ccellular%20shades_73685 960117&gclid=Cj0KCQjwr53OBRCDARIsAL0vKrM4_p_Kp17P1 Z5Zo1lDvf9qaV94Z3ECits0U0lch1JDYcvMzxlUkU0aAnwKEAL w_wcB&kwid=productads-adid^206241217092-device^c-plaid^334374591990-sku^73685960117-adType^PLA

                    And I would love a condo association that has a relationship with the police. Hopefully that means it is safer. I've had two break ins, and the police couldn't care less..... My neighbors WATCHED someone break into my place, and said/did nothing. I would have loved some nose-y neighbors that knew when something looked suspicious and might look out for me. Isn't that more likely where you are? Grass is always greener, I guess.
                    "Paranoia will destroy ya"... I hear ya

                    This condo development does a lot of implicit screening of it's tenants/owners. The realtors steer certain types of folks here. It's a hard building to get into because of the location and demand for its units.

                    That is an interesting take on the police relationship with the community. It feels more gestapo like than "oh look there's officer Dooley walking the beat for our safety and guess what kids he's got plastic shields to hand out for all the good little girls/boys". I'll try looking at them your way for a while and see if that works though.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      not helpful to you, but I appreciate you posting this. I am the same level injury and live in a very similar atmosphere. Because of a chosen few who consider my resistance to their attempts to invade my privacy as me being an asshole it has been trying at times. Luckily I'm not on the ground floor.

                      As others have said it is just human nature for AB's to fixate on us because we are visibly different. I find it interesting how different generations/age groups respond to a cripple's presence.

                      I value my independence more than anything and when someone threatens it no matter how good their intentions I try to explain to them that I wouldn't even get out of bed if I wanted everything accomplished for me.

                      I think I would just give in and move away, but it sounds like you are happy and well-situated in your current residence, except for a few bad apples. I feel sorry for those people that go out of their way to make your life miserable - ie. calling the cops.

                      Thanks for sharing!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by tooley View Post
                        not helpful to you, but I appreciate you posting this. I am the same level injury and live in a very similar atmosphere. Because of a chosen few who consider my resistance to their attempts to invade my privacy as me being an asshole it has been trying at times. Luckily I'm not on the ground floor.

                        As others have said it is just human nature for AB's to fixate on us because we are visibly different. I find it interesting how different generations/age groups respond to a cripple's presence.

                        I value my independence more than anything and when someone threatens it no matter how good their intentions I try to explain to them that I wouldn't even get out of bed if I wanted everything accomplished for me.

                        I think I would just give in and move away, but it sounds like you are happy and well-situated in your current residence, except for a few bad apples. I feel sorry for those people that go out of their way to make your life miserable - ie. calling the cops.

                        Thanks for sharing!
                        Where I live is freaking awesome. I can push to everything (yes everything), take a regular bus, take a WC bus or drive. My work commute is less than 10 minutes and I live right on the edge of a park. It's also safe. It's taken almost 29 years to get here but I truly like 95% of it. Perhaps I just have to allocate more skin to the interactions with people, so I can let it roll off me. I probably need to allocate some bucks and drive a more acceptable vehicle (Volvo, Audi, Infiniti, ...) and hire a cleaning lady to look the part. Thats not going to happen though.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by Patton57 View Post
                          The old ladies in my development are always looking in the windows and talking about the state of my unit.
                          Are they looking inside or just inspecting the condition of your windows? Regardless, what does this have to do with your disability?

                          Originally posted by Patton57 View Post
                          I probably need to allocate some bucks and drive a more acceptable vehicle (Volvo, Audi, Infiniti, ...) and hire a cleaning lady to look the part.
                          This definitely doesn't have anything to do with your disability.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by August West View Post
                            Are they looking inside or just inspecting the condition of your windows (AYS)? Regardless, what does this have to do with your disability?
                            This definitely doesn't have anything to do with your disability.
                            One lady followed me inside my condo after insisting all the way down the hallway that she wanted to see my place. At my door, I told her I really didn't want her coming in. She came in anyway. Her face sank when she saw my place. The next day there were maid for hire ads up on several of our community bulletin boards. Another one of my neighbors comes onto my patio several times a month. There's nothing on it. I guess they could be checking out the door and windows.


                            I'm a c7 and break my manual chair down on the drivers side of my car and truck several times a day. They take a beating. If I drove nicer vehicles they would take that beating. And it is a cumulative beating. My vehicles are 9 and 19 years old. If I wasn't disabled I would probably drive nicer cars.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Try having your door unlocked so your friend who's quad can visit (she can't manage the key) and having the residential arse open it while I'm in bed, swear at me, stare at me for a minute and then shut the door. That was two weeks ago. Not the first time this jerk has tried to intimidate me. Some just really hate people in wheelchairs ... this is one of those guys. His wife is so two faced that it isn't funny. On legal advice from a friend, I will no longer be speaking to either one of them ... I think that will shock the wife as I made her laugh all the time before.

                              Put up tint on your windows so you can look out, but they can't look in. If you ask the condo board, they're probably going to say no. If you have them up already, they might relent. OR put up a notice that you have video looking out the windows for security reasons. That oughta deter them!

                              I would directly confront one of the ladies that you don't like when people can see over you and into your condo and that others are not subjected to it .. or do like I used to do. Sit there with the key smiling until they leave after you said you need to get going.

                              Condo living was great for the first ten years, until this couple moved in and got themselves on the condo board - yes the arse is on the condo board!

                              If I could find someplace else to go, I would. I will always keep this place because I worked so hard for it - but would rent it out. Unfortunately not many in wheelchairs could afford the $1200 asking price for rent per month (and that's on the low side for a condo).
                              Last edited by lynnifer; 24 Sep 2017, 7:05 PM.
                              Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                              T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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