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Where is that delicate line with parents?

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    #46
    Hey, Becky. Sorry about the trouble w/your parents.

    Nashville can be very kewl. It's fertile ground for many up and coming artists.

    Had lived there for a couple of years until family issues beckoned and I returned to the city I call "home."

    You had mentioned you're still in school. If you have the grades and can swing it financially, there's Vanderbilt. Very decent school.

    Hope you follow your bliss, get a little distance (whether literal or figurative or both) from your family so you don't constantly hear why you can't do what you love.

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      #47
      Originally posted by bcsimpsons
      Todd,
      My mom originially did support me in my wish to become an opera singer however, since the injury, she has taken the road of, "you won't make it because you can't stand and sing". I will admit, it takes a lot more breathe support to hit a high A sitting down but the fact that I can do it should tell her something. I don't thinik its just the fact that she doesn't think the career choice is a good idea. She doesn't think my life will amount to anything unless I am able to walk like before. I try to keep telling myself that I can make something out of myself, that my life isn't going to go to waste but with each passing year that I try everything that I can and nothing has worked, the more upset and frusterated I get. I mean she has done so much for me, helped me through school, gave me a home to come back to after my injury. I feel that I somehow have to put up with this because of what I am putting her (and the rest of my family) though. Most days I wake up and wish that I hadn't.

      Becky
      Chicago, IL
      Hi Becky,

      I'm a bit late to this thread, but hope I might offer some insight. Your mom sounds similar to mine. I've been away from home now for 20 years, but to this day, there are still overtones of "you can't do that" in my mother's conversations with me regarding choices I've been making in my life. Prior to my accident, it seemed, she had the attitude that I could do anything, anything at all if I wanted it bad enough.

      It took me a long time, but I came to understand something about her. She came close to losing me in that accident, and as a result became a lot more protective of me than she ever had been before....cloyingly so, at times. It used to really drive me crazy until I realized that her trying to discourage me from trying new things was her way of trying to prevent me from getting hurt, being disappointed, etc if things didn't work out. She just wanted to keep me safe. Of course, she didn't see that her discouragement tended to hurt me worse than any actual results of the choices I'd made [IMG]/forum/images/icons/icon12.gif[/IMG]

      It sounds to me that the same kind of thing may be behind how your mom is treating you. She's right that life is going to be a lot more difficult for you in a chair than it would probably be if you're able to walk (if only because of other people's attitudes). However, she's obviously wrong that you won't ever make anything of yourself if you don't ever walk again (and is this her actual message to you, or just how you're interpreting it?) She just wants what is best for you, and is trying to help you and be supportive in the only way she knows how given circumstances that are somewhat new and unfamilliar to her.

      Have you talked to your mom about her attitude? To let her know how negatively it affects you? If you don't feel you can talk to her openly about it, counseling (as someone else suggested) might be a good idea to try to open up the paths of communication between you two. It won't make you a "bad daughter", and could really improve things for both of you.

      I hope this helps and good luck!

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        #48
        Originally posted by Le Type Fran├žais
        I was told many times career choices would be difficult. Let's be honest, what famous singer is in a wheelchair and also sings, does music videos and concerts? Choices are clearly limited for us.
        Just as an aside to this whole thread, our choices don't neccesarily have to be limited. At the time of my accident, I was in college, studying to be a journalist, with hopes of becoming a foreign correspondent, going to remote and exotic parts of the world, covering wars, etc. After my injury, I immediately thought that sort of career would be impossible, and changed my major to something that seemed more in line with life in a wheelchair. At that time, I hadn't heard of John Hockenberry (much less read his eye-opeing book). He ended up covering the exact kinds of stories I had once dreamed I might cover, going to the kinds of places I hoped I might visit. It wasn't easy for him (not by a long shot) but he made it work for him.

        Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something just because you're in a wheelchair. There are ways around most any obstacles, and while it may be much more difficult for you that it might be for others, you just have to find the way.

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