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  • Desire to get pregnant & thinking about using a sperm donor

    I really want to have a baby, but I am single and thinking about using a sperm donor. Anyone out there who has used a sperm donor to get pregnant? Any advice or thoughts?

    I have been injured (C5, incomplete) 12 1/2 years and am 35. I have been looking for Mr. right or Mr. Interested since my injury without any luck. I do not want to give up my dream of having a child and am getting older so do not want to keep looking for a partner. I live in a small city and it has been so hard to meet someone in person and I haven't had a lot of success online either (not sure why except for maybe I'm too picky). I have a great support system with my mom and aunt, who I live with and are my primary caregivers. My mom is more than willing to help me with the baby and is urging me to go with a sperm donor.

    I have spent the last 12 years of my injury dealing with chronic pain, which is a concern of mine and being pregnant, but I cannot keep waiting to find pain relief either. I also have been going through school and have my Masters degree and am a marriage and family therapist intern, working on the hours required to get my license. I feel I have worked hard to get a career I love and now want to have a family.

    So any thoughts or advice would be great!
    CJ

  • #2
    Sunny, I am in a similiar situation as you, 34 and would love to have children but it isnt looking like it is going to happen, but there is still some time.

    I personally wouldnt think of a donor for the following reasons. Firstly, I'm not comfortable with setting out being a single parent, I know there are no guarantees in life that even if i did meet someone and had a baby, wouldnt end up being single, but that would be different than bringing a child into this world being single. Secondly, being single and having one child, I would be so concerned if something happened to me, what other support that child would have.

    Have you thought about adoption or fostering? I have fostered teenage girls on several occasions and nearly always it has been a great experience.

    I find it almost heartbreaking that i havent had kids, but I believe that if it was meant to happen it would have by now, or still might happen.

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    • #3
      I can totally picture a few lil babies in your bungalow anna!!!! It must be hard in aussie though, those crazy singing outside your window probably keep em awake! Cheers lady...........Lex

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      • #4
        I think you should wait until you find a guy. It would be more meaningful. As I as well wish to have kids. Only 22 right now but in the future. Women come to me because surely right now I am not making an effort to find you. Save me the time!

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        • #5
          Sunny - I totally support your decision. I wish I had the courage as you!

          I would love to have a child ... but as you, have not met Mr Right. This seems to be a growing trend among the AB crowd anyway. The one thing missing for me is a familial support system and I work A LOT. My health isn't the best either.

          Sounds like you have your bases covered. You have a great potential for income, a home and family supports.

          I say go for it girl!!!!!!
          Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

          T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

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          • #6
            adopt
            Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

            I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

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            • #7
              I am jumping in here, I havent been reading or posting, but today I had a CC urge.

              I just adopted a little baby from Guatemala. I met several disabled parents adopting from Guatemala and they allow for single parent adoptions. I have to say, it was the BEST expierence of my entire life. I have to encourage anyone looking to start a family to at least look into it. There are so many healthy, beautiful babies who need homes so badly. And honestly, it is MUCH easier then fertility treatments and pregnancy (in my opinion).

              One down side is it does cost alot. But I know single parents of very modest means who have adopted. If there is a will, there is a way I think.

              If it sounds like something you would like to explore, let me know and I will email you our story and info.
              - Moody

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              • #8
                Thanks for the responses to my question.

                Yes I have thought about foster/adopt and that is still something I would like to do in the future. I would still like to have my own child, however, and am fortunate to have family support. I would not even consider this if I did not have the support from my family. I have always wanted to be a mother and really want the chance to have my own child and also would like to adopt a child because there are so many kids who need a family/good homes. I still hope to meet Mr. Right in the future and have a relationship with someone who can be a father to my children, but I am 35 and do not want to continue to wait to meet someone and become too old to have children. It's much riskier after the age of 35-40.

                CJ

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by SunnyCJ
                  Thanks for the responses to my question.

                  Yes I have thought about foster/adopt and that is still something I would like to do in the future. I would still like to have my own child,
                  CJ
                  I can honestly tell you, when you adopt, it IS a child of your own. There is no difference what so ever in your love for them or their love for you. I understand wanting to be pregnant and give birth, but using donor sperm has some MAJOR implications for your future child that needs to seriously be considered.
                  - Moody

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Moody
                    I can honestly tell you, when you adopt, it IS a child of your own. There is no difference what so ever in your love for them or their love for you. I understand wanting to be pregnant and give birth, but using donor sperm has some MAJOR implications for your future child that needs to seriously be considered.
                    I totally understand that your adopted child is exactly as if it is your biological child and think adoption is a wonderful choice. And yes I agree that using a donor is a heavy decision, not to be taken lightly or selfishly for the child's sake. Fortunately, there are some sperm donors now who are allowing the child to look for them and meet them at the age of 18, so I think that makes a big difference for the child.

                    CJ

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                    • #11
                      I have been alone with three children most of the time. It was not the meaning to be alone, but I never regret having children. But it is very hard to be a single parent with SCI. I think my children have lost a great deal, we could never do things together, thinks other children do with their parents and their father left to another country and the father of the smallest doesn't care.

                      But if you have a lot of time with them and money to pay other people to help out, it is easier. I think the time is important since so many parents don't have time so that is the advantage I have had in front of other parents. I have always been there for them since I have been working very little.
                      TH 12, 43 years post

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                      • #12
                        Never mind.
                        Last edited by Saranoya; 05-30-2011, 12:19 PM. Reason: removed because I didn't look at the date on the OP

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                        • #13
                          This is a 5 year old post brought forward by a spammer. Best not to respond to these as it makes it difficult to remove the spam and return the post to the archives.

                          (KLD)
                          The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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