Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

children handling sci of parent

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    children handling sci of parent

    My children seem to be handling my recent SCI ok but I worry about them. I know my daughter was embarrassed when we went out on a boat ride in a hotel and my chair had to be strapped on and I had to sit alone. This is normal and she is very compassionate and sometimes likes loading my chair so I don't have to. I just would like to find another youngster who is going through this so she doesn't feel so alone. She is almost 9. My son is 5 and he is adjusting well.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

    #2
    Originally posted by addiesue
    My children seem to be handling my recent SCI ok but I worry about them. I know my daughter was embarrassed when we went out on a boat ride in a hotel and my chair had to be strapped on and I had to sit alone. This is normal and she is very compassionate and sometimes likes loading my chair so I don't have to. I just would like to find another youngster who is going through this so she doesn't feel so alone. She is almost 9. My son is 5 and he is adjusting well.

    my son is 23 at the time of my sci in fact he was videoing me when we went down. he has his days as he is out of town a lot sometime i go to then he has to care for me.a son shouldn/t have to take care of his mother, but he does when the caretaker can/t come or we at a horseshow. i am c6 c7

    Comment


      #3
      Our younger son is 24 and has been staying at home to help. Not the BP or dressing, but transfers, shopping, chauffeuring, fetching, cooking, etc. We really need to get him out on his own, but jeez it's been helpful and nice having him here.
      Our daughter is 19 and away at college. She has had a harder time adjusting - all of a sudden her mom seems to have aged 20 years. So she avoided contact quite a lot at first over Christmas vacation, but later got more open with her.
      Our older son (26) is schizophrenic and living away from home; it's hard to tell what he thinks, but he was actually pleasant and somewhat loving the last time her saw her. She would have collapsed in shock if she hadn't already been in bed!

      It seems like it must be scary for young kids, but my experience doesn't seem to bear that out:
      My mother had polio when I was about 7. As I recall, I wasn't scared, but curious - I didn't really understand what was going on. We were fortunate to be able to afford a housekeeper, but I guess Dad did all the personal stuff until Mom was able to take care of herself. I can't remember Mom in a wheelchair - I must have repressed the memories - but I know she used one for at least a year. I have only faint memories of metal braces and crutches (mostly the sound of her walking).

      I think many children just accept things as they are and don't question them. However, I have no doubt but that it's extremely difficult for other kids.

      - Richard

      Comment


        #4
        Do you know of another parent who is in your position? Finding another family close by who deals with similar problems helps. Maybe try a local gym or pool who is accessible. The best for your daughter is to find someone her own age is a similar situation, shes in that sensitive age where everything seems to be so hard on girls. Try to spend time with just her alone, do some mother daughter things. It takes a long time to bond and get use to. Maybe she can have her friends over for a sleepover, so her friends can meet you also and ask their little questions to you directly instead of bugging your daughter at school..... these are just suggestions coming from me who grew up with a mother with MS. I was 8 when my mom got the diagnosis and about 16 when she got into a power chair. It is just harder on girls, I guess because society and pure pressure from school is so hard on girls.

        Comment


          #5
          Thanks everyone!!
          If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


          Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

          Comment


            #6
            My dad has been injured for almost 7 years now. When it first happened I was only 12 or so and I didn't fully understand everything that came with a SCI. However, having the amazing mother that I do (Obieone) she made dealing with it very easily. We also live in a small town so the community is tight and we had tons of support.
            For the first few years, I couldn't talk about it without crying, because I was so sad...and even now as i type this, I get a bit teary eyed... but now I'm open to talk about his accident and the injury. I'm so proud of Dad (and everyone who deals with SCI) and I don't want people to be scared to ask about it. Funny eh...how people do seem afraid to ask as though I will start to cry or something.
            However, after a few years had gone by (i was maybe 15 or so) we went to talk to someone (mom wanted us to) and the lady told me that I was expressing my anger (dads injury) by being sad. So she told me to choreograph a dance (i'm a dancer) to express my emotions. I was also lucky to have a dance class to go into and just dance and work hard and sweat and get out all my stress and whatnot. Dancing is probably what helped the most.
            I can't tell you that time will heal, because it doesn't. People come around. I'm in university now, and we're just finished the nervous system and in the lab we're doing the bones so I already know so much! But i'm that much more eager to learn because of it.
            Another thing I want to note, is my sister and I both get just irate (shes 17) about is when we're at a shopping mall and people leave their carts in the handicapped parking spaces. Seriously?! lol we have found ways to make light of a very heavy situation. Like for example.... one day we were sitting in the living room watching T.V and Dad wanted the remote, so he asked one of us to pass it to him. Mom, Kat and I just looked at eachother and said..."why can't you get it? Is there something wrong with your legs or something?" Obviously we're joking, and we can all laugh about it.
            i dunno if anything i've said will help you, but its just how i dealt with it. Everyone has their own way.

            Comment


              #7
              I have two children. A son who is now 18 and my daughter, who is now 10. I was injured in an automobile accident, which left me a quadriplegic, six years ago. My daughter was four. We have all been through a lot together, and it seems as if my children have had to grow up too soon because of it. My daughter would love to have someone she could e-mail, or better yet, IM. If you and your daughter are willing, please feel free to e-mail me, and maybe we can set something up!

              Comment


                #8
                ....i have a 12 yo and 13 yo, both girls both would like to e-mail another girl their age going thru this...

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Serena
                  We have all been through a lot together, and it seems as if my children have had to grow up too soon because of it. !
                  My son was 2 1/2 when I got hurt. He now will be 11 in March. He has had to grow up so fast. He his a big help to me and more caring then most kids his age. It's hard on kids but I think it will make them better adults someday. I hope someday to be able to give back all he has lost from me.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thanks Tigger
                    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


                    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Addiesue,
                      I've alway been afraid that one day my son would be embarrassed of me but it hasn't happen yet. You are still their mom and they will love you no matter what. Through kids eyes they don't see the chair like most adults do. There we be times it will be difficult on them but it will be all worth it in the end. My sister took her girl to the park one day and there was a little girl in a chair. Marrisa went straight to her and started playing with her like nothing was wrong. Most kids would have shy away from her but she was use to me being in a chair. My sister got tears in her eyes when she seen that happen.
                      My son hold doors open for people and never is afraid to help people. It makes me so happy to see him be so good. All the teacher brag on him at school on how nice and helpful he is. My son misses all the thing I should be doing with him but he really needs the support and love I give him. Being there emotionally for their needs is way more important then the physical part.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        When our dad was hurt (Julie-bug is my sister), I was only 4 I think. But I hardly knew what was going on. So it didn't really affect me as much as I think it did to everybody else.
                        I remember when dad was going into the ER we had time to give him a kiss and a hug and all that stuff. But I guess I was to scared to give him a kiss. I regret it now, because who knows what could have happened to him. But I guess my point is that it doesn't really sink in tell your old enough to understand it. Now that I am turning 12, its just starting to sink in now. It gets to me sometimes how he's never going to walk again, but after a while you kinda learn to except it.

                        LJ Rose

                        Comment


                          #13
                          wheelchaired parent

                          rfbdorf, I'm glad you have found people that are willing to keep in touch with your daughter.

                          I know our boys are only going to be two, and they don't know any different, but I know it must be hard on young children. I'm sure that if they can talk and express themselves, it's easier to deal with some of the limitations they are faced with.

                          Good luck to you...
                          http://www.tickercentral.com/view/2qot/2.png

                          http://www.geocities.com/krajaxa/fair05copy.jpg

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Well here's another. My daughter had just turned 5 at the time of my accident. She is now 7 1/2 and has delt with it pretty well so far. She's almost always ready and willing to help and I don't think she has ever been embarassed because of my chair. It's amazing how well they seem to adapt. I can't take her to do certain things, but she seems okay with that. I think it would be pretty neat to get theese kids in contact with each other. If there is an email circle getting ready to start I would love to ask her if she is interested. How is this going to be set up?
                            jOE
                            www.nwiscig.blogspot.com

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I was injured 9 years ago. My boys were 12 and 10 at the time. From the start I was open and honest with them, and really tried hard to show a good attitude when they were around. I still tried to do fun things with them, even if we couldn't always do the things we did before. We use a lot of humor in our house, and joking about certain things really helps to take the pressure off. I had to try hard not to be too embarassed about my incontinence. We had some good jokes about that for a while (until I had my bladder augmentation). So, I guess a good sense of humor really helps, and so does a "matter of fact" kind of attitude. I've asked them if they were scared of upset about my injury back then, and they said at first they were, but they quickly got over it once they saw that I was still "me".

                              Though, it's no fun when they run around the house and hide behind furniture to get away from me! LOL. They only did that for fun, and not for real, than goodness!

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X