need some advice

[Randyman]

IMO mediation is the first step. Only get a lawyer if you're ready to go to war (and pay for the privilege).

I can understand your loyalty and reluctance to pull the financial rug from under your folks. But remember, your parents were duty bound to care for you --for free-- as long as you were a minor or student living in their house. That's the obligation they undertook when the conceived you.

If you were under 18 when you entered into this agreement with them you may have no legal obligation to to continue paying them. They're not going to like it but you have other responsibilities now. They should understand this and that your settlement was to provide for YOUR long term care --not to underwrite their lifestyle. Frankly, they'll either get over it or they won't so be prepared. Good luck.

[Sue Pendleton]

IMO mediation is the first step. Only get a lawyer if you're ready to go to war (and pay for the privilege).

I can understand your loyalty and reluctance to pull the financial rug from under your folks. But remember, your parents were duty bound to care for you --for free-- as long as you were a minor or student living in their house. That's the obligation they undertook when the conceived you.

If you were under 18 when you entered into this agreement with them you may have no legal obligation to to continue paying them. They're not going to like it but you have other responsibilities now. They should understand this and that your settlement was to provide for YOUR long term care --not to underwrite their lifestyle. Frankly, they'll either get over it or they won't so be prepared. Good luck.

It sounds like they waited until he was 18 to settle the case so he could be named as beneficiary and not his parents.

[Beth67]

If they were still caring for you then I could see them getting paid but your out on your own and married and they shouldn't be taking money from you. Nor should they once you no longer needed help from them. Doesn't makes sense to me one bit.


Get a lawyer and best of luck to you!

[crppled007]

sorry I haven't gotten back thanks everyone for their input. I understand that parents shouldn't live off of their children, we have always gotten along never hateful or anything towards each other. I think it was just the fact that I haven't grown up , and gotten real about it all. I don't think a lawyer should be brought in just yet, I just need to open up a dialogue about it all with them about it all. It really hurts my wife seeing that they get to go on their rendezvous's (1840s style) all the time, and go everywhere else and not getting the help that she needs from them, especially since they get money from me. I was 18 when I got it and I was an emotional wreck. So let them take care of all the financial part of it, but I'm putting my wife is the beneficiary.

I've been blessed with the caregiver that has been with me for 20 years, And he just recently had to stop coming in the mornings. So now he's just year three times a week for my showers. That leaves my wife (post 20 years. Also) and my roommate, which he has been a godsend, taking care of me. My wife is at the breaking point of leaving me because I refuse to see the big picture, I think I was/am in denial but and realizing that I just need to man up and be her caregiver emotionally. Because I have checked out of that a long time ago, I would have to start a new topic just for that!

[quad247]

Hey man,I wouldn't name your wife as bemeficiary if you think she will leave you.I would just worry about yourself and the others can do what they want.Money makes people act very strange...They think they have a right to your money when YOU will need it for care...the rest of your life.
Good luck with it all....
Nelson

[soimumireland]

As a parent of a child with SCI. I have mixed feelings about this. Your parents were there and supported you through terrible times. They would have incurred finanical problems because of this. However the settlement was calculated to cover your medical bills into your old age and that is what it is for, it is not to support them for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately when someone has been receiving a level of income for some time they become dependant on this revenue stream and perhaps have not made other financial arrangements. Also they could see you wife as the cause of the financial change.

Is there a mediation service you can use, as going to a lawyer seems very aggressive and you want to have a relationship with you parents after all of this. Please bear in mind that the financial costs of SCI are only going to increase as you get older and this money is meant to ensure your health and financial / living independance - that is what I would want for my son.

[debbier]

I just hope your wife doesn't spend all your money in a foolish kind of way. I'm sorry I don't care how much I'm in love I would never trust a spouse. For me I love my parents more than anything else in this world, And I would definitely want to see them happy and taken care of. Strange, but I believe there's Two sides to every story
Good luck