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    Parenting skills and SCI

    i was wondering how some of you parent your kids while being chair bound my 12 year old daughter whom i love dearly has just recieved her exam results, although she did well results where just above average. she can do much better.
    i do believe she is spending too much time on facebook.
    Recently she had used the F word towards me. it incensed me only at the age of 18 had i ever done this the belt was always handy then. i too still believe in corporal punishment when all else fails but girls are different.
    Recently she has been answering back and wants to to go out with friends 7 to 8 pm is my curfew. we have booked many activities for her to chill out during summer recess, her friends come from very decent families but those street kids
    hanging around in public places i don't like.

    #2
    Originally posted by peterf View Post
    i was wondering how some of you parent your kids while being chair bound my 12 year old daughter whom i love dearly has just recieved her exam results, although she did well results where just above average. she can do much better.
    i do believe she is spending too much time on facebook.
    Recently she had used the F word towards me. it incensed me only at the age of 18 had i ever done this the belt was always handy then. i too still believe in corporal punishment when all else fails but girls are different.
    Recently she has been answering back and wants to to go out with friends 7 to 8 pm is my curfew. we have booked many activities for her to chill out during summer recess, her friends come from very decent families but those street kids
    hanging around in public places i don't like.
    She is 12, she sounds very normal for me. Of course, if she does something you don't like, talk to her and tell her why. Pick your fights, some things are more important than others.

    And I live in a country when corporal punishment is forbidden. And if somebody do that the system take your child and put it in fostercare. And it is not necessary at all to spank or hit. Only by talking to you child, you can make them do what you want. When I grew up, I got enough spanking, I don't think it made me a better person than my friends who was never spanked.
    TH 12, 43 years post

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      #3
      i don't live in a jungle Bente,
      i think you may have got me wrong on the post.
      maybe i should widen the discussion we all want our kids to be better than us.
      As to a formal education i think we will get there both my wife and i are teachers.
      if we can help other people's children to succeed hopefully the same goes for ours.
      however i am concerned about soft skills not taught in formal education. she is an only child while My Own SCI and associated problems have effected us all.anyway i would like to expose here to abilities such as decision making, good communication, leader ship and team skills even at this early age.Till now i have found the scout movement a very good venue for her. In industry i was described as an excellent worker, excellent in motivation and quality however my people skills where not so good. i often wondered how some managers could do things so easily while when i do and say the same thing all hell would break loose.
      i think good parenting in nurturing our children into successful adults must be holistic.
      Last edited by peterf; 19 Jul 2012, 7:47 AM.

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        #4
        You control the money in the house, and the use of the computer. She does what you want, she gets to use the computer and money to buy things like music, clothes. She doesn't, she loses her cell phone, can't use the computer, doesn't get money. Kids are like dogs, reward them for being good punish them for being bad. You never get mad or yell, and never negotiate. You just tell this this is what you did, this is the result.

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          #5
          No, I don't think you live in a jungle, you are living in Valetta I have two big children who are both successful, one with a master in teaching and one who is taking her master now in nursing and they are both very independent. I think the best way of bringing up children is to be a good example for them and talk and talk and talk and let them take some decisions themself.

          And like T8burst I believe in rewarding them for the good things they do. But I am not their boss so I believe in negotiating too. I think it is importent that they feel they are making some decisions themself and it is your job to make them do the right ones.
          TH 12, 43 years post

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            #6
            "Kids are like dogs"..... Now thats deep I'm thinking your not going to make the cover of Parenting magaizine El Bursto.

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              #7
              Originally posted by lonecoaster View Post
              "Kids are like dogs"..... Now thats deep I'm thinking your not going to make the cover of Parenting magaizine El Bursto.
              Heh, most likely not. However if you go to someone's house and their dog is well behaved, their kids will be to. If a person's dog is a terror, usually so are their kids.

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                #8
                Thats why my wife married me. She loved my dog.

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                  #9
                  i highly recommend you try reading this book "how to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk" by faber and mazlish.

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                    #10
                    Good or bad i think most children will adopt to the same life skills practiced by their parents
                    so i'd better start improving my people skills. however i still want to be me. i cannot just switch it off not yelling when i'm angry. After years of teacher training i do this often in class in fact even my principle does this with us his staff sometimes.

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                      #11
                      Facebook Parenting for the Troubled Teen
                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

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                        #12
                        12 years old is too young to be on facebook. if you feel she is using it too much, revoke her privileges. if she is talking back, ground her. you are the parent.
                        "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
                        http://www.elportavoz.com/

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by crypticgimp View Post
                          12 years old is too young to be on facebook. if you feel she is using it too much, revoke her privileges. if she is talking back, ground her. you are the parent.

                          I agree she shouldn't be on facebook at 12. I thought you had to be 13 to be on facebook?

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I would take away the Facebook, or give her a certain time limit that you set. I think the talking back is normal for a preteen. I remember being that way with my parents, and I grew up okay. My 11 year old son and I are very close, and although we do get into some verbal matches with each other, we try to talk through it (or least I talk, and make him sit there and listen- and I try not to yell but I'm not perfect either). He has used the bad language in a couple of times, and I immediately put him to work doing chores around the house, then sent him to his room.
                            Just remember you are not doing her any favors by letting her get away with stuff as for being in a chair, I have found it doesn't do much to impact my parenting. I don't spank, because I don't think it helps anything, but that's just my opinion.

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                              #15
                              hold your horses i wouldn't describe my kid as a troubled teen, however all parents have expectations and standards they wish to attain. The F word was both a scandal and a one off i do not want to sound cocky however when one is highly motivated to steer their children towards a Long Life Learning attitude and when your kid continuously achieves well over 90's as an all rounder
                              in past papers or mock test exams a just above average result just does not sell in our household. Again i highly emphasize the importance of soft skills. i do see alot of good parenting from you lot, the chair doesn't seem to be a problem.

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