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    SCI and Divorce..

    I have a fairly new SCI (T5/6)..i am currently going through divorce proceedings where the mother of my two children assumes that i am "totally disabled"..and that i need help to care for my children..i believe i have more ability in one pinky finger than she has in her whole body..i am only saying this because i feel that i am being discriminated against and that being paraplegic is not being "totally disabled"..i workout three times a week and have proven that i can take care of my children alone..i can drive a car..although I am not medically cleared to drive..my motivation is quite obvious..i do not like to sit around and mope about my injury..i am willing to fight for joint custody of my children..i really hate the fact that people can be so quick to judge someone because they are paralyzed..my mind is the muscle that matters more..if anyone has been through a situation such as mine..i would really appreciate some information about dealing with disability discrimination..Thank You..

    #2
    Dont worry there are lots of parents here, and a few single moms who share custody too.
    being in a wheelchair doesnt make you an unfit parent.
    Last edited by jody; 22 Dec 2011, 12:06 PM. Reason: no u in custody

    Comment


      #3
      mine did everything she could to take my custody away, but the judge and a good lawyer proved just how wrong she was.......

      Comment


        #4
        Through the Looking Glass can assist you in fighting for custody or joint custody of your children. Here is a link:

        http://www.lookingglass.org/

        (KLD)
        The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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          #5
          Originally posted by eliasnelisa View Post
          I have a fairly new SCI (T5/6).\.i can drive a car..although I am not medically cleared to drive..\u..
          why do you need t needically cleared t drive? is t ia state law within DMV.
          epileptics with uncontrolled seizure may not be cleared , especially if they are not compliant
          but why do you need to be cleared? i am askinf cause dont let them use it anything against you if it is a discriminatory law , call it out,
          if it is not a law . do not let them use it against you.
          cauda equina

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by eliasnelisa View Post
            I have a fairly new SCI (T5/6)..i am currently going through divorce proceedings where the mother of my two children assumes that i am "totally disabled"..and that i need help to care for my children..i believe i have more ability in one pinky finger than she has in her whole body..i am only saying this because i feel that i am being discriminated against and that being paraplegic is not being "totally disabled"..i workout three times a week and have proven that i can take care of my children alone..i can drive a car..although I am not medically cleared to drive..my motivation is quite obvious..i do not like to sit around and mope about my injury..i am willing to fight for joint custody of my children..i really hate the fact that people can be so quick to judge someone because they are paralyzed..my mind is the muscle that matters more..if anyone has been through a situation such as mine..i would really appreciate some information about dealing with disability discrimination..Thank You..

            Get a really good lawyer.
            2012 SCINetUSA Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
            Please join me and donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

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              #7
              Originally posted by eliasnelisa View Post
              I have a fairly new SCI (T5/6)..i am currently going through divorce proceedings where the mother of my two children assumes that i am "totally disabled"..and that i need help to care for my children..i believe i have more ability in one pinky finger than she has in her whole body..i am only saying this because i feel that i am being discriminated against and that being paraplegic is not being "totally disabled"..i workout three times a week and have proven that i can take care of my children alone..i can drive a car..although I am not medically cleared to drive..my motivation is quite obvious..i do not like to sit around and mope about my injury..i am willing to fight for joint custody of my children..i really hate the fact that people can be so quick to judge someone because they are paralyzed..my mind is the muscle that matters more..if anyone has been through a situation such as mine..i would really appreciate some information about dealing with disability discrimination..Thank You..
              I didn't mean to suggest that you need a really good lawyer to gain joint custody...but get a really good one anyway. It's all about the best interest of the kids. Your injuries should not prevent you from having substantial parental custody. But, start doing whatever you need to do to prove that you can take care of them alone.
              2012 SCINetUSA Clinical Trial Support Squad Member
              Please join me and donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org and copy and paste this message to the bottom of your signature.

              Comment


                #8
                This really requires a major blow back as this woman and her incredibly ignorant and selfish thoughts...need a "come to jesus" reckoning!

                I wish I could help more and would..maybe the ACLU?? Maybe United SPinal? Hell, I would write up your situation and then you could send it out to all that could be in a position to help. We could all share your wirte up. This kind of discrimination deserves attention from all of us. excuse me, but Fuck her!

                PS I am a mom of two girls..who divorced when they were 3 and 1 and I cared for them MYSELF...full custodial parent. so yeah Fuck her again!

                excuse my language...I had a wine
                "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

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                  #9
                  I have custody of my 10 year old daughter, as a man the odds are against you, they will always give the children to the mother even if she is an alcoholic. My lawyer told me they give women a lot of rope and many hang themselves with it, if you screw up, the judge will nail you but they never did anything to my daughters mother, even though she was always in contempt of court. Eventually I got custody. Don't get me wrong if my daughters mother was a decent woman, I'd prefer her to raise my daughter, women are just so much better at that.
                  "Would you rather reduce deficits and interest rates by raising revenue from those who are not now paying their fair share, or would you rather accept larger budget deficits, higher interest rates, and higher unemployment? And I think I know your answer." Ronald Reagan"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hey Josh,

                    Sorry to hear about the troubles you are going through with your wife. Stand your ground and hold firm on getting custody of your kids.

                    I have an old set of hand controls in my garage that you may be able to use. You would just need to drive into Albuquerque to pick them up. If interestd let me know.

                    Your fellow SCI crip from HealthSouth---Margaret [aka Peggy]

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I went through a divorce when the youngest of my three children was two years old. It was a very difficult period but, almost twenty years later I consider being involved to have been well worth the effort. I am/was an incomplete crutch walking C5 quad. The physical part of it was a challenge but, where there is a will there is way.
                      My father was killed in a work related accident when I was five and I did not want to see my kids go through the same things I did growing up.

                      As long as you have a safe home, financially stable and agree to child support, I can’t see how the judicial system can deny joint custody.

                      I have three hard working, considerate young adults that are very respectful of me. It’s worth fighting for!
                      1977 - C5 ambulating Quad

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by metronycguy View Post
                        why do you need t needically cleared t drive? is t ia state law within DMV.
                        epileptics with uncontrolled seizure may not be cleared , especially if they are not compliant
                        but why do you need to be cleared? i am askinf cause dont let them use it anything against you if it is a discriminatory law , call it out,
                        if it is not a law . do not let them use it against you.
                        In california you have to get rectified to drive if you have an sci.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          well if I can get a cali license anyone can. It did take me a couple tries, and the last one I was nine and a half months pregnant, and the guy says, " while looking in terror at my huge beach ball tum and says you're gonna keep coming back every day huh? runs his fingers trough his comb over, .................It came in the mail while I was in labor.

                          anyway, even if you were dependent on the trolly and bus system to get around, still didn't make me an unfit parent. You can call a cab if you need to. always have cab fare enough to get to the hospital stashed, and you can get a hospital taxi voucher to get home if you need to. (I had a sick kid).
                          anyway, having a plan in place for emergencies, like taxi money, or extended family available is all you need if you are unable to drive is important. that holds up in divorce court too.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Depends on the state but most will take a statement from an OT that you can drive. Most insurance covers the few OT appointments so they can sign you off. Almost always a one time thing. Having the sign off should stop your car insurance company from discriminating by charging you more.
                            I have friends who are low quads who have had sole custody.
                            Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

                            Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by metronycguy View Post
                              why do you need t needically cleared t drive? is t ia state law within DMV.
                              epileptics with uncontrolled seizure may not be cleared , especially if they are not compliant
                              but why do you need to be cleared? i am askinf cause dont let them use it anything against you if it is a discriminatory law , call it out,
                              if it is not a law . do not let them use it against you.
                              MetroGuy: I live in a mid-Atlantic state and my licence was suspended when they found out I had a SCI. I had to go to drivers ed with an OT, have on the road training for hand controls and then be re-tested by the DMV. My file was left open for 3 years until they confirmed compliance with pain medication and all medical appointments.

                              Some states over see your return to driving while others will allow you to put hand controls on your car and drive with no adaptive drivers ed.

                              To the Original Poster---I agree with SCI Nurse--Through the looking glass is where I would turn to. Another option would be a legal clinic in a law school.

                              Good luck
                              Every day I wake up is a good one

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