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    Angry most of the time

    I'm not sure where to post this, but does anyone here have anger management issues? It seems lately that I fly off the handle about really stupid things. Most of the time it's directed at my wife, and I can't help feeling so ashamed of myself afterwards. I've gotten so angry that she's left for a night and cried multiple times.

    I don't think the anger is the result of my accident just about 6 years ago, I'm a L1 incomplete. As I think I was like this before, but am just coming to realize how bad it's getting now. I'm always angry at something and again most of the time it's directed at my wife because we're your typical married couple, we live together.

    To compound things my wife is 9 months pregnant and this is so bad for our baby. I love my wife and she loves me, so that's not an issue, but my anger is making our marriage difficult.

    Why do the smallest things enrage me so much to the point that I break things and throw things and approach my wife to the point that I scare her?

    This is so embarrassing, and I have an appt with my doctor July 18th, I just like to know what the community has to say, and what I can do. Sometimes the things that set me off are so trivial it would make most of you puke if I told you.

    At work, I'm fine, when I'm with friends, I'm fine. It's just with her, and of course she does things that annoy me but I do things that annoy her, no one is perfect, but why can't I deal with it? I am stressed, but so isn't everyone. I excerise like a machine, I'm heathier than 75% of the able bodied population and I don't walk, We're ok finanicially (more or less), so what gives?

    Thanks.

    #2
    You have to learn to realize the point when you are about to lose it and modify your reaction. When you feel the pressure building and you know your reaction is coming go outside, go anywhere. I am glad you are seeking help, but it will never go away unless you learn to replace it with something else. Exercise, go outside and throw rocks, go wash your face, etc. I know you recognize the point when you are feeling the pressure, I used to be this way. The key is in recognizing it and modifying it. Good luck.

    Also what medication are you on? SOmetimes that can be a trigger.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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      #3
      Originally posted by addiesue View Post
      Also what medication are you on? SOmetimes that can be a trigger.
      I don't take any medication of any kind.

      Comment


        #4
        Good for you for taking the first step, admitting you have an issue and reaching out....here's my very honest suggestions take them or leave them.

        You dont' take medication of any kind, but if you'd like to save your marriage I'd highly suggest being open to it. Your doctor may find a chemical imbalance in your bloodwork. I for instance have low seritonin causing mood issues. A low dose of meds really helps keep me more normal. It doesn't stop me from getting moody. But it stops the extreme moodiness that can occur to a non extreme situation. I.E bursting into tears and hyperventilating because I broke a dish by accident.

        Also It never ever is a bad idea for you to either voluntarily go for anger management classes or personal counseling to learn new coping skills. There are a ZILLION ways to "cope" and if your skill set is not working for you, your marriage and certainly not working for your unborn baby, then maybe learning some of the other of the zillion ways could change everything. I don't know if you're wife is on here too, but personal counseling for her to change her behavior and reactions to your anger is important for her own health and well being and that of the child as well. No one shhould have to put up with your rage. The line for abusive behavior, both mental and physical and emotional is to thin when it comes to rage. So really it comes down to this...

        How committed are you to changing? Saving your marriage and making it better? to your relationship with your soon to be born child? What are you willing to do? How far are you willing to go?
        If you're not willing to open your mind to meds and/or learning new ways to cope through classes/personal counseling (which is like a personal class one on one and private) then you very well might not make it. I hope you do though
        Liza R. McCollum

        Comment


          #5
          I felt this way at one time. it was compounded by using too much vicodin. I only take about four a month now, and use something else as my primary pain med.

          I also made efforts as addiesue suggests. But most of all, I distanced myself from friends and family who added to my anger and stress.

          anger can get addicting, causing endorphines to surge, and I wonder if those endorphines contribute to a cycle of rage.

          Comment


            #6
            Is there any pattern to the outbursts. Same time each month etc.

            I had somehting similar and took note of when the depression or outbursts happened.

            Found out there was a pattern and it was due to the serotonin cycle ups and downs. Seems we SCI have a harder trouble regulating serotonin cycles causing periods of highs and lows causing depression.

            Was prescribed Wellbutron to help regulate the cyle. Really helped and I can tell the difference with my mood and energy level.

            Congrats on the baby. You are right, this is not the timeto rattle the wife. Perhaps get checked out. It was one of the easiest and best solutions to the mood swings and energy levels.

            Comment


              #7
              Your post really struck home with me. I care for my husband who has a severe case of MS. I don't understand the whole L1 incomplete - T12 etc. so I don't know how to compare that with MS but with Davids MS he basically is dependent on everyone for everything. He can use his right arm as normal, rest of his body including his vision is impaired to an extent. We reach six years of this in October.
              Anyway...I so wish your post came from my husband. Because thats exactly how it has been around here lateley. Really bad for about the last 6 months. I"m not pregnant but I do remember from having the girls my emotions when I was was amplified something fierce. I would really like to see my husband write that all out and admit to having a problem. The only thing you left out was "Do you really love her" or is it in your opinion all her fault that you are always angry. I think admitting you realize there is a problem is a great step and I wish you all the luck in the world. I can't get David to speak to counselors about our problems but my friends tell me he just acts that way to me cause he is angry about the disease and knows I will forgive him. It gets harder and harder to forgive but I will never leave him I love the guy he used to be and still can be occasionally. He was this way prior to the MS occasionally but not this bad at all.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by MSWIFE1 View Post
                Your post really struck home with me. I care for my husband who has a severe case of MS. I don't understand the whole L1 incomplete - T12 etc. so I don't know how to compare that with MS but with Davids MS he basically is dependent on everyone for everything. He can use his right arm as normal, rest of his body including his vision is impaired to an extent. We reach six years of this in October.
                Anyway...I so wish your post came from my husband. Because thats exactly how it has been around here lateley. Really bad for about the last 6 months. I"m not pregnant but I do remember from having the girls my emotions when I was was amplified something fierce. I would really like to see my husband write that all out and admit to having a problem. The only thing you left out was "Do you really love her" or is it in your opinion all her fault that you are always angry. I think admitting you realize there is a problem is a great step and I wish you all the luck in the world. I can't get David to speak to counselors about our problems but my friends tell me he just acts that way to me cause he is angry about the disease and knows I will forgive him. It gets harder and harder to forgive but I will never leave him I love the guy he used to be and still can be occasionally. He was this way prior to the MS occasionally but not this bad at all.
                To break in on "Megatron's" thread for a moment, "MSWIFE1" think about printing out this thread when it is looking like it is about complete and handing in to your husband to read. It may open his eyes.

                "Megatron," I hope you find some answers for yourself and your family. One sure thing, life won't get any easier once the baby is born and it is your responsibility as a parent to teach control to your child. You teach that by example.

                All the best,
                GJ

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Megatron View Post
                  I'm not sure where to post this, but does anyone here have anger management issues? It seems lately that I fly off the handle about really stupid things. Most of the time it's directed at my wife, and I can't help feeling so ashamed of myself afterwards. I've gotten so angry that she's left for a night and cried multiple times.

                  I don't think the anger is the result of my accident just about 6 years ago, I'm a L1 incomplete. As I think I was like this before, but am just coming to realize how bad it's getting now. I'm always angry at something and again most of the time it's directed at my wife because we're your typical married couple, we live together.

                  To compound things my wife is 9 months pregnant and this is so bad for our baby. I love my wife and she loves me, so that's not an issue, but my anger is making our marriage difficult.

                  Why do the smallest things enrage me so much to the point that I break things and throw things and approach my wife to the point that I scare her?

                  This is so embarrassing, and I have an appt with my doctor July 18th, I just like to know what the community has to say, and what I can do. Sometimes the things that set me off are so trivial it would make most of you puke if I told you.

                  At work, I'm fine, when I'm with friends, I'm fine. It's just with her, and of course she does things that annoy me but I do things that annoy her, no one is perfect, but why can't I deal with it? I am stressed, but so isn't everyone. I excerise like a machine, I'm heathier than 75% of the able bodied population and I don't walk, We're ok finanicially (more or less), so what gives?

                  Thanks.
                  It would not hurt to get your Testosterone checked with a blood test.
                  Low Testosterone can cause some people to act this way. Among other things it causes mood swings and fatigue. Good Luck.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Patrick Madsen View Post
                    Perhaps get checked out.
                    Or get checked in...

                    Megatron, it really is remarkable that you are admitting your problem. Congratulations! I didn't check to see how you were disabled, but am wondering if you might have bumped your head at the same time? I'm seriously not trying to be funny, or cruel, but I DID receive a slight TBI in the accident that broke my back and I think many of us with traumatic injuries do have a touch of TBI, also. Brain injury often manifests itself as unreasonable anger.

                    Other than that thought, I agree with others who have said medication may help your situation. If you want to keep your wife & soon-to-be child, you need to get control of your emotions and I think you are on the right track.
                    ____________________

                    "We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
                    - Barack Obama

                    Comment


                      #11
                      i have the same anger issues
                      Normal reaction to being confined to the SCI life.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I think a lot of people w sci also have undiagnosed PTSD. I think our injuries and the aftermath can be just as traumatic as combat. I think the thread starter could benefit from a combined course of medication for anger management concurrent w talk therapy.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          i'm happy megatron that you brought up this subject, i know its an issue for me too.
                          i have an identical situation
                          what gives? i'm sure you can relate to this
                          multiple minor things that build up up and up,
                          anger, explosive anger and misplaced anger is my pressure valve.
                          i think you may be using your wife as a punching bag for misplaced anger
                          i get angry when i see my wife suffer or ask people for help, be it at a local store to simple house jobs. i get angry at her for not being able to help her.
                          Simple talk about country walks hikes, seafront jogging manly house work
                          people talking about healthy sex lives when i'm dysfunctional
                          All in all you just want to explode.
                          The good thing is that when around friends or strangers nobody knows.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by peterf View Post
                            i'm happy megatron that you brought up this subject, i know its an issue for me too.
                            i have an identical situation
                            what gives? i'm sure you can relate to this
                            multiple minor things that build up up and up,
                            anger, explosive anger and misplaced anger is my pressure valve.
                            i think you may be using your wife as a punching bag for misplaced anger
                            i get angry when i see my wife suffer or ask people for help, be it at a local store to simple house jobs. i get angry at her for not being able to help her.
                            Simple talk about country walks hikes, seafront jogging manly house work
                            people talking about healthy sex lives when i'm dysfunctional
                            All in all you just want to explode.
                            The good thing is that when around friends or strangers nobody knows.
                            SCI is a life-altering event, in her book Death and Dying Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the stages people go through when faced with such a thing, you can remember them by the acronym DABDA

                            1. Denial - 'this isn't permanent'
                            2. Anger - "fuuuuuuuck, why did this happen to me?"
                            3. Bargaining - "If I emptied my retirement/sold my house maybe I could fly to India and get stem cells, if I did that would I walk again?"
                            4. Depression - "I can't have sex, what is the point of anything?"
                            5. Acceptance - "I am still alive, I can do this"

                            These don't happen necessarily in chronological order, and how each person goes through them is unique as the person. So in other words what you are experiencing is normal, the healthy thing to do is face it and try to move to acceptance at the best pace that you can.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by t8burst View Post
                              SCI is a life-altering event, in her book Death and Dying Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the stages people go through when faced with such a thing, you can remember them by the acronym DABDA

                              1. Denial - 'this isn't permanent'
                              2. Anger - "fuuuuuuuck, why did this happen to me?"
                              3. Bargaining - "If I emptied my retirement/sold my house maybe I could fly to India and get stem cells, if I did that would I walk again?"
                              4. Depression - "I can't have sex, what is the point of anything?"
                              5. Acceptance - "I am still alive, I can do this"

                              These don't happen necessarily in chronological order, and how each person goes through them is unique as the person. So in other words what you are experiencing is normal, the healthy thing to do is face it and try to move to acceptance at the best pace that you can.
                              Actually, the Kubler-Ross model has been discredited in many studies as a model for coping with SCI and other non-terminal life crises.

                              It has been incorrectly applied to SCI by many people, but such well-known researchers as Roberta Trieschmann (Trieschmann RB, 1988, Spinal Cord Injuries: Psychological, Social, and Vocational Rehabilitation) wrote about the fallacy of its use as early at the mid-1980s. The best predictor for how someone will emotionally respond to a SCI is how they responded to previous crisis in their life.

                              Unfortunately too many mental health and other clinicians use the model as a "must" stage theory, and consider it somewhat pathologic if you don't respond in this order, with these exact emotional responses. Just because someone does not engage in bargaining or denial does not mean they are not coping with the injury, nor does it mean that depression related to the diagnosis need to go untreated. Many people do not agree that "acceptance" must be the ultimate goal.

                              The Kubler-Ross model is even under serious criticism now days as a model for adjustment to a terminal diagnosis.

                              (KLD)
                              Last edited by SCI-Nurse; 12 Jul 2012, 1:17 PM.
                              The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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