Wedding etiquette advice - "no children allowed"

[mk99]

My younger Sister is getting married this summer to a good guy who I like.

They decided to do a "no children allowed" wedding because they feel that children have completely ruined other people's weddings. The thought of a child crying in the middle of someone's speech (God Forbid) is simply too much for them to bare.

His cousins and extended family have a lot of kids whereas my side doesn't have ANY other than my own. My wife & I have 2 young ones who will be 2 years old by the time of the wedding.

The "no kids allowed" rule apply to my kids too because there can be no exceptions.

My wife & I respect their wishes and don't want to create a fuss but I am pretty pissed off about this. My wife is furious to the point that she is likely to boycott the wedding altogether.

I can somewhat understand the "no kids allowed" rule. But I think there is a big distinction between direct blood related offspring and much further relatives. They have made it pretty clear that they refuse to make an exception even for direct family.

And as a final kicker, my Wife & I were both asked to be in the Wedding Party and spend the whole day with them... they seem to expect my Mother-in-Law to stay home all day with 2 kids and miss the wedding altogether. I think it's very selfish and inconsiderate.

Your thoughts?

[Liz321]

It's their day.

Suck it up, think them selfish, but hopefully you'll have long lives and get over just this one day of their obnoxious behaviour [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]

Family is family after all.

You may want to tell them that you can't spend the entire day with them as you have responsibilties to your kids......in a couple of years when they have kids of their own....boy, will they think they were being asses!

*Join a Movement*

[Chris Chappell]

A wedding should be shared by all family members - including children that are capable of reasonable behavior.

Although the wedding may be considered her (the bride's) day I believe that it is more about the guests gathered and sharing the special day with bride and groom. After all I doubt that the bride and groom are handling all the expenses? Expecting gifts?

I understand her reasoning but don't agree with it. Simple solution - don't attend.

Another possible solution would be to rent a daycare center for a few hours so that the children wouldn't interrupt the "critical" or "special" moments. Just a thought.

[kate]

Man! It's not the way I'd start a marriage, but then it's not my marriage.

I think you have to decide if you want to go along with this silliness or not.

If yes, then be gracious about it and make it as pleasant as possible for everyone, including your kids. Don't ask your mother-in-law or anybody else to make any sacrifices, because that will just add to the feeling that you have a right to be resentful.

If no, be gracious about that too. Send your very best wishes and a nice gift and try not to create any more hard feelings.

Your sister is definitely going to see sooner or later that she was, as you say, selfish and inconsiderate--but until she does, what's the point of being mad? It will just make her feel pressured, and it sounds like she's going to have enough trouble, what with being, you know, as rigid as a frozen flagpole.

[zillazangel]

It's absolutely selfish and inconsiderate. But don't be selfish and inconsiderate in return by a) not going or b) being huffy and rude when accepting the invitation to attend and making it clear you think *she* is being rude. For then, you will be no better than she.

Either, very politely turn down the opportunity to be in the wedding, send sincere regrets, and a lovely gift - or go and find a sitter other than your mother in law (why do you assume she should miss the wedding? find another sitter).

Ami

(and yes, she will see the error of her ways in the future when they have children and receive such invitations .... your reward will come later when she realizes how gracious you were when SHE put you in a terrible position, there is no possible way to teach her a lesson now, believe me!)

[betheny]

Yay, better minds than mine have answered. I was like "Say what? The bride expects her mother to BABYSIT???" Guess I had that wrong.

Anyway...I think you should find a sitter and go have fun. If you decide not to go, the lack of sitter is the perfect excuse. As the others said, be gracious either way. If they don't want kids there, any kids present would be obliged by the Baby Union Rules (yes, I believe babies have an organization [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]) to kick up a fuss at an inopportune moment. It would be really stressful for you and your wife.

And yeah, one day they'll look back and say "Gee, y'all were really gracious when we were such horse's butts..."

Their loss. If you were closer I'd gladly watch those 2 adorable kids.

If your skin is thin, best keep it off the Internet-Betheny

[mk99]

Good advice all and thanks.

I'm definitely going to the wedding... blood is blood afterall. Can't say the same for my wife... although she'll most likely come as well as it would serve no purpose to piss on their day. (even if they deserve it just a little bit)

[McDuff]

Time to stir the pot. [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Why is it selfish to want an uninterrupted ceremony? Kids add nothing to the "ceremony" portion of a wedding. They have no concept of what is going on and it is wasted on them.

Having said that; why are they not invited to the reception portion of the ceremony? The mingling and party spirit at this time is something a kid can relate to and add their particular brand of fun too.

Have you brought this up to the bride? Might be a good compromise.

McD

"Rather be ridin' than rollin'"

[serious]

I feel that kids should be welcomed at any wedding especially if they are family. I would be very upset if my sibling did this to me. What are they going to do if you show up with them? Make you leave? I doubt it.

[zillazangel]

Originally posted by Bailey:

I feel that kids should be welcomed at any wedding especially if they are family. I would be very upset if my sibling did this to me. What are they going to do if you show up with them? Make you leave? I doubt it.

If you showed up with kids after being explicitly asked not to, I truly think that would be the most rude thing one could ever do!!! *gasp* I can't fathom why one would do that!!! Or even suggest it. Jeepers .... (even though I actually agree that kids should be invited to a wedding, it's still no excuse to be incredibly rude!)

[serious]

Originally posted by zillazangel:



If you showed up with kids after being explicitly asked not to, I truly think that would be the most rude thing one could ever do!!! *gasp* I can't fathom why one would do that!!! Or even suggest it. Jeepers .... (even though I actually agree that kids should be invited to a wedding, it's still no excuse to be incredibly rude!)

If it was for a family wedding and they were young kids I would do it but if it was not a family wedding, there is no way I would do that. Geesh have a cow!!

[betheny]

Have you all seen the children in question? It may be that the bride doesn't want to be outshone by the guests LOL, they are cuties. Kind of like the brides that choose ugly bridesmaid dresses.

If your skin is thin, best keep it off the Internet-Betheny

[Susan M]

It's their wedding, they should do what feels right to them. I would have no problem with it.

[NorthQuad]

Yeah bud, it would definatley feel like a slap in the face if she told me she didn't want my children at her wedding. If I had any that is. The thing is, I have also seen and heard the children at weddings, it's like a switch is turned on and the starting pistol is fired. They run wild and cannot sit still or stop crying through the speech. Then at the dance the parents can't keep up to them. Now I know many children are very decent and well behaved because me and my sister were one of them but it seemed like we would have to suffer every now and then due to other bratty kids actions. Try not to take it to heart because it's there day and nobody elses.

My Dirt Bike Misses Me

[dogger]

MK , over here it is a general rule that children are not permitted at the wedding reception . They can attend the ''churching '' . That is so when the preacher asks ''does anyone have any reason why this couple should not marry ? '' , the couple can take a reality check by noting the little darlings yelling , screaming and defacing the church's artifacts with their crayons etc . [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

As a divorced father of 3 , i have been asked to a number of weddings where i find myself sitting in a motel room entertaining Artin , Bartin and Fargo [ my kids ] , while my mates are entertaining [or trying to ] the single ladies at the wedding reception . Even though I miss out on showing said ladies the dashing , debonair side of my personality [and think of what they are missing out on [img]/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img] ] , I agree with this no kids policy . I have a number of relations and friends with smaller copies of Attila the Hun for kids , and the only public outing I look forward to with glee that involves their kids , is feeding time at the Lion Park [ with the kids as main course ] .

Isn't it funny how generally the parents of these horrors prattle on about what great kids they have , while the little darlings are systemically demolishing the house , washing the cat with battery acid in the toilet bowl and turning the new white shag pile carpet into a work of art with the purple house paint they have found . [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Of course my kids are models of good behaviour . Sorry got to run , the boys are doing a science experiment they need a hand with , one has my screwdriver set and is sticking them in power sockets while the other turns the switch on and my daughter is doing some cooking . Does anyone know how to get beetroot stains out of the carpet ?

Thank you ,
Dogger

Every day I wake up is a good one .