Wedding etiquette advice - "no children allowed"

[Lshall82978@yahoo.com]

Originally posted by Susan M:

It's their wedding, they should do what feels right to them. I would have no problem with it.

I agree. I really didn't want kids attending my wedding because I knew they would most likely be loud and disturb the ceremony. I wouldn't take it personally. It's not like she said I don't want YOUR kids there, she just said kids in general.

It is their day. Chill out. It's not like she said "I hate your kids and I don't ever want to set eyes on them." A lot of folks consider their wedding a very formal affair and don't want it to be interrupted. Nothing at all wrong with that.

[DeadEye]

"No children allowed"? How do they define "children"? Is it anyone 18 or younger? 12 or younger? Where are they drawing the line? And what else are they having? Flowerwoman? Ringbearerman? Come on, they need to lighten up.

Some of the best memories of weddings I have (I don't remember any of the receptions!) are of the funny things that the younger children do and how much it adds to the enjoyment of the event. How many great memories do you have of silly flowergirls and baseful ringbearers? I've got lots.

And besides if a kid starts crying or misbehaving, it's the responsiblity of the parent to remove the child. Easily done and the "good" kids don't have to be kept away.

JMO!

[Lshall82978@yahoo.com]

DeadEye,

Sadly there are a lot of parents out there who wouldn't take their kid out. I have been at weddings where that happened, and I was very frustrated for the couple.

[BobSaid's Wife]

I agree with LindsayS. They aren't picking on your kids directly; just saying they don't want kids in general there. While my first reaction to those types of invitations was "Well! Screw you!", once I calmed down, I understood their point of view. (My kids are older now, so it's not the same situation) Besides, you might find that you will enjoy yourself more if you aren't constantly wondering "where is Johnny and what is he getting into".

Get a different sitter other than your mother-in-law and enjoy the day and evening - maybe you guys NEED a bit of time off from parenting. [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Hunker]

When my brother Mike married Ezabella everything had to be perfect outdoor orchestra in a cazebo,limo - you get the picture the works.My son Matthew six at the time was real intrested in the "kiss" at the wedding. Wesat on the front row and he was being a good boy until the videographer asked us to move so he could get a better view. We went back a few rows and Ezabella's grandmother who had a healthy appetite sat right in front of Matthew. He got sooo mad and yelled "I REALLY CAN'T SEE NOW!!!" [img]/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif[/img] I was so embarassed but Ezabella's mother saved me and waved him to the front and saved the wedding.They are still married and have two boys now.

[Jeff B]

Why is it so important for you to bring kids to a wedding. Think back to when you were a kid. Typically weddings consist of a bunch of adults, most of whom they don't know, standing around talking. Weddings are generally boring for children, that's why they misbehave. I was glad when my brother and I were able to stay with a sitter instead. Junk food, movies, staying up late beat sitting at a table with my cousin and being good/quiet. My parents enjoyed the break too, I'm sure.

If they don't want someones kids to attend then they have to say no kids at all. You can't expect them to tell someone that "Mikes kids can come but yours misbehave to much."

I don't understand why some parents insist on taking their kids everywhere. Wouldn't it be nice to get a sitter and go without them, particularly if you are in the wedding party? You will be busy enough as it is with photos, ceremony, dinner at the head table, without worrying about looking after the kids.

[This message was edited by Jeff B on 01-03-05 at 02:12 PM.]

[christopher]

Follow your sister's wishes, but she's full of crap, IMHO. We went to a wedding with a month old baby and it was great. Our kids are professional partiers though... they know how to work a crowd without being monsters. We went to a new year's party with a week old baby and a two year old and we had fun there too.

CHARLIE DON'T SURF!!!

[steveg]

MK

I was married a few months ago and some of my foundest memories will be of my sibling's 6 children. Ages ranged from 1 year to 12 years old and they were "our wedding party" except for a maid of honor and bestman. We could have cared less if one of them cried during the ceremony or spoke out as long as they were there to celebrate with us. The added benefit was their excitement months before the wedding and the memories they still bring up today. My nephew jack told my sister on their way home "Mom, its days like these that you just never want to end". Its going to be your sister and future brother-in-law's loss but its what they want.

With that said, I think you and your wife should try to move past it and take it as an opportunity to have fun together while someone else is watching the kids.

Steve

[jb]

i went to several where kids weren't allowed and it was quiet. it's always assumed that kids will ruin things when that's not always the case. don't be angry at her. everyone's different. if i were ever to get married i wouldn't want kids there either. that's not to say i'm a bad person or mean etc. i'm just not good w/kids in any setting and i think i have a misconception about since i have none of my own and i'm not really around any. all the kids in my family range in age and are all well behaved but i have to say i wouldn't allow it. besides if ppl are drinking it may not be the best atmosphere. hope i didn't offend or piss anyone off. if so i do apologize.

[scaligirl]

Hi,

I understand your feelings, but I've been to several wedding where kids cried and ran amuck during the ceremony. Then they ran around unsupervised during the reception...it was horrible. Also, I've been to ones where the kids were great.
I'm getting married in September and we discussed the "no children allowed" rule. We were going to request that children under 2 years old not be allowed, but decided against it because of my nephew. My nephew will be 14 months and he will be at our wedding. We felt it would be unfair to state a "no children" rule, yet allow my nephew. Also, since our wedding is late afternoon, we expect the kids will go home early for their bedtime when the party starts to get going.
We just hope(crossing our fingers) that parents are responsible and will remove their child from the ceremony if they begin to get restless and/or noisy.
As far as being in the wedding party, if you and your wife do not want the responsibilities and commit the whole day to her, polietly decline. My sister is my matron of honor, but I know she can't commit a WHOLE day to me with a baby, so I've made accommodations. Hopefully your sister can do the same.

[krysi]

When my husband and I got married last year we went the no kids under 10 allowed route, but we made an exception for neices and nephews which in our case was only one kid. We also had to give in for one of our other guests because they couldn't come unless their child came with them, she was still breastfeeding. I have no regrets about it, although we did have a few people bring their kids although they were told not to. Andrew, our only nephew, was an angel at the wedding and the reception and stole everyone's attention. [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

I agree that there should be an exception for immediate family to bring their children, but when it comes down to it it's your sister's wedding and she should be able to do what she wants.... although it does make it quite difficult for you.

Maybe the two of you can work something out before the wedding so that your kids can go, I agree it doesn't seem fair.

Krystal

www.sciinfertilitysupport.com

[mk99]

Just wanted to give a quick happy update:

About 2 weeks prior to the wedding, my Sister and new Brother-in-Law changed their position as it was obvious my wife would not go unless our whole family was welcome. So we ended up taking our Son (my Daughter was in Vancouver at the time) who behaved very well.

The whole thing was a great success, everyone was happy and it was a lot easier for me to be the Emcee when I'm not angry and bitter with the whole event.

They had a great honeymoon in Greece and Poland and just came back. I was very relieved that things worked out as they did. I'm totally not into drama in my life. SCI is enough drama for a couple of lifetimes.

I hope they find Married Life to be as rewarding as some people claim it to be.