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Marriage commitment after SCI

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  • Marriage commitment after SCI

    I have had someone to day tell me that 99% of marriages break up after one spouse receives a sci. What is your input into this. I don't agree. My son is 28 and is a C1-2 as of last April 17th and I believe his and his wife's faith and our strong family and church family is a great asset that will make all the differnce. Sandy[img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

  • #2
    Here is some information about marriages that occur after the spinal cord injury:

    "Outcomes of Post-Spinal Cord Injury Marriages"

    More than 50% of marriages that occured prior to the spinal cord injury end in divorce, but it certainly is not 99%. 5 years post injury, of those married at the time of injury, 89% are still married (compared to 81% of those couples married 5 years previously without a SCI).

    http://www.sci-info-pages.com/facts.html
    Here is a good article (not specific to SCI) on divorce and disability:

    Divorce and disability

    Those with traumatic brain injuries have much higher divorce rates than those with SCI.

    In my personal experience, if the marriage was already in trouble, SCI is nearly always the straw that breaks the camel's back. If the marriage was strong, it often survives and many couples report that they are closer.

    (KLD)
    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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    • #3
      Thank you so much for your information! I thought that may have been a disparaging remark about the 99%. I feel so much that it is all about your faith, family and community, and personalities besides of course your love that makes all the difference. Sandy[img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

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      • #4
        A C1-2 injury is a devastating blow, but so much of marital longevity depends on sheer stubbornness. I think it depends on the personalities. I wish them all the luck in the world, and tell them we're here if they need us.

        C5/6 incomplete, injured Aug. 2000
        Blog:
        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

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        • #5
          My Husband, Colin, and I just celebrated our 18th year wedding anniversary--nearly 4 years to the day of my c4/c5 SCI. Our relationship was solid before our car accident, we are even more rock solid now. We are in this together.

          Sue
          Please submit your photo and story of hope:

          http://bridges2hope.unite2fightparalysis.org/


          http://unite2fightparalysis.org/

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          • #6
            Sandy, There are many times I hate the way Joe's SCI has changed our lives. But, I have never stopped loving him. I admire him, his courage and determination more every day. He is the most amazing person I know. We still have disagreements, but we know that our relationship is rock solid. He has once or twice told me that he is afraid I will leave him. All I can do is laugh and tell him that he is stuck with me forever and I mean every word of it.

            They will have tough times and bad days, but they can keep their marriage together and be happy. There are many of us here to attest to that. Tell your daughter-in-law about us, tell here to come here to vent, to get advice, or just to let her know that she is not alone.

            Stacey

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            • #7
              i am sure if the marriage continues the significant other will cheat though.

              I hope not but most of the girls i've met would and said they would.

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              • #8
                That has not been my experience. I know many couples who are very happy and faithful to each other. Most of these one of the two is AB and the other is a PWD, but some both are disabled. You are newly injured, and have less experience in this. Sounds like you are not meeting any nice women. Where are you finding women to date? In bars,etc.? Perhaps try elsewhere?

                (KLD)
                The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sandy,
                  keep the faith! I think it's society. My husband isn't even home yet and people talk to me as if I would leave him as soon as he comes back from rehab. I've learned to just ignore the talk. Just because he got into an accident doesn't mean he's a different person.
                  Maja

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                  • #10
                    Bill and I will have been married 27 years this Oct. he has been injured 6 years. The thought of leaving him has never entered my mind but I'd be a liar if I didn't say our relationship has changed. We are so much closer in some ways and miles apart on some other issues! The way I look at it is our love for each other is continually evolving and at this moment in time we are in a significantly different phase of that relationship doing the best we can ..... to survive .... I believe we are here to learn and boy are we ever learning [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] !!!!

                    Obieone [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]
                    P.S. We have 4 kids and a trunk load of memories to share as well .... puts us in a different place perhaps then someone just newly married and starting out together who has been injured .....
                    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                    Jane Siberry

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                    • #11
                      Each marriage will survive on it's own merit. If you truly love the other then I believe you will become stronger.It sure is a test. Love is about forgetting self and living for someone else.
                      I think people try to make you jealous by trying to make you think your missing something. By sticking it through you become a better person than many.I admire and totally respect anyone regardless of gender for sticking with their spouse throughout their trials,and in the end it is one with each other they become. Just an observation from the outside..The real "Survivors"

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                      • #12
                        We were engaged for two weeks at the time of the accident. I get lots and lots of comments about how heroic I am (???) but nobody has come right out and said I shouldn't or wouldn't stay. We had a committment ceremony in the hospital ICU (we actually bought a marriage license, but our religious counselor suggested we wait).

                        I think even some of the people who say they would'nt be able to stay with a disabled partner would. It's a fear of the unknown...once you go through it and understand what you are in for better, it is not so scary and not so hard to deal with. A strong family and extended network (like a church family) helps too. Heck, you could always say, we're the 1%!!!

                        *************
                        AB wife of T8 complete para
                        *************
                        AB wife of T8 complete para

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                        • #13
                          I don't agree with this either. Every marriage takes comittment and work from each other to make it. As long as they love each other and stay strong they will be able to get through it and that is what any marriage takes. With any tragedy that may happen to someone's spouse it helps a great deal to have support and encouragement from family and friends. I speak from experience because my boyfriend has been injured for two years and we were together before his accident and now 2 years later I love him just the same and were looking forward to getting married in the near future. I am very confident our marriage will work.

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                          • #14
                            I truly believe that strong before = strong after.

                            If you had problems SCI will make them worse.

                            If you don't let your partner in post injury you are also asking for trouble
                            C5/6 incomplete

                            "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

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                            • #15
                              Loving each other before and after SCI can make sure that you stay together but despite that love there can still be a lot of pain and feelings of loss. For young couples that were living very active lives together pre SCI the limitations that it puts on their relationship and lives can make it tough to stay happy together. This is accentuated when siblings and friends the same age are easily going on with their regular lives around you and you can see what you would be doing (babies, travel, vacations, spontaneity, freedom) if not burdened with paralysis. Love keeps you together but it doesn't prevent you from feeling that the lives you wanted and were planning have been ripped away.

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