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Marriage commitment after SCI

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    one small hint...

    I kind of learned the hard way on this one....Runners' World Magazine isn't a good birthday gift for your partner. My ex girlfriend just didn't take it the way I intended, you know?
    Eric Texley


      Originally posted by markm
      To post my two cents, my wife told me she wanted a divorce 3 weeks after I got home from the hospital. We weren't having problems before this. Oh well true colors were revealed.
      Mine lasted 5 months out of hospital.
      C5/6 incomplete

      "I assume you all have guns and crack....."


        We were married for 11 years 2 kids and he stood by me for 1 year after my sci. We are now getting a divorce its been 3 yrs since i kicked him out for lying and cheating. Wanted me back after his girlfriend kicked him out. NO WAY I SAID. Now i met a wonderful guy and never been happier. Things happen for a reason i say. anty
        For every minute you're angry you lose a second of happiness


          18 months here! I got y'all beat!


            Murrey that's a tight avatar, I have a pic like that too. Also, Tim C. your avatar is perfect lol.

            Anyway I think you have all said all there is to say so I'll just add my own experience.

            I have been injured for three years now, and while not married, I have been with the same girl for six-and-a-half years. Almost half of our relationship now has included dealing with SCI. It is possible to continue the relationship despite the statistics. Hell, statistics for marriages in general aren't very good either.

            It all depends on the individual relationship; if your love is strong enough and if you both want to make it work it will. Good luck!


              This Tuesday is the 7th anniversary of my SCI. The last 7 years have not been easy on my wife, she not only cares for me but also has an 85 year old mom that she helps also. On top of this she went through, and thank god survived ovarian cancer 3 yeras ago. We have always had a rock solid marriege and the past 7 years has made us stronger. This past February we celebrated our 36th anniversary.

              I have also seen two young couples split within the the first 6 months of their injury and another couple who had been married for 15 years with 2 kids divorce after one year of his injury.

              I thank god everyday for my wife and family.

              C-5 incomplete


                Congrats, Riz!!

                I agree, as we are in the middle of a high-stress roller coaster ride. my wc ended up after a string of "one thing after another" that lasted for about 5 years so far. My second accident happened, when I was released to go back to work part time, our hours were cut. Then I got laid off, our landlord decided to sell the house we were renting...then we moved in with my inlaws bc we couldn't find an accessible place to live in 30 days. Then my husband got laid off. It was supposed to be "to help you kids out" but once we got there, we saw how much they were really struggling to keep on top of everything. Within 2 months of moving in here, Dad's health hit bottom. He was in the local hospital from Sept-Dec. In Jan he ended up in Seattle. (The company my husband worked for filed for bankruptcy and laid everyone off and stiffed the county for about $20K-30K. The employees are still owed pay, but won't see it til the county gets their money back--if they ever do.) It was major surgeries with my father in law that lasted over two years--two of which involved life flight to seattle from montana. Once we got him back on his feet (never fully recovered), mom started having problems and ended up having 4 major surgeries (including CABGx5). She now has a scar that runs from behind her ears (both sides, meets at the base of her throat, and runs down her trunk, down the left leg to her ankle. She jokes that over 2004-05 she was literally split open like a fish. So far in 2006, Dad's memory loss is becoming more pronounced. I think he has Alzheimers, but he won't listen to anyone. We all see it. Mom says he's off in the head somewhere. She fell and broke her arm in three pieces then fell again and did something to her knee. She was in a wc for a month, and discovered what I've been telling her all along. Now she understands why my chair stays in the garage and I stay in my room. She's has been in and out of physical therapy for the last 4 months.

                Anytime we mentioned moving out, mom panicked. It was understood that we would stay until I graduated. I wasn't able to find work after the layoffs, so I went back to school. Well, I graduate in less than two weeks. We are now resigned to the fact that we are never moving out. Our house doesn't work for two elderly people and a wc person. It needs a lot of work done for upkeep in addition to mods for me. The amount of work bypasses the value of the house. We just need to build a new one. Now that I'm finally working again after three years, we can start saving for that build.

                Through everything, we tried to lean on each other. I think that helped us stay together and become stronger as a couple. Riz, situations like ours - minus the SCI - split couples up everyday. I think the fact that we still have our families intact is a testament to the quality of the relationship.


                  hi can anyone give me advice i might be getting married next year to my bf he has a hump on his back and is a bit weak and i have spina bifida can anyone help and give me advice how can make our marriage work if we do marry i love him a lot


                    Ok, just adding personal experience in. My hubby has dealt with his SCI for the last 2 1/2 years, and despite anything, we still have a strong marriage. It just all varies on your marriage and how strong and compatable you are with your loved one.
                    Dee, wife of Don (SCI since 2004)

                    Live for the moment, and treat this moment like there is not going to be another.


                      Originally posted by Tim C.
                      ...In fact, I think that it's up to the sci spouse to offer the AB spouse a painless out if the situation calls for it. The AB spouse does not want the stigma of being the heartless, abandoning one, and the sci spouse should be sensitive to this.
                      Conversely, if the sci occurs during a sedentary period of the marriage, or if the partners tend to be rather sedentary themselves, then maybe even a weak marriage can last.
                      As the AB wife of a C3/4 incomplete, I have to throw my 2 cents in here, even though I am late in responding to this thread. My husband has talked about getting divorced for my sake. On one hand I think it is great that he cares enough to let me try to find a new life, on the other hand it should be a mutual agreement. Although I have thought over the last 3 years what it would be like to not have the burden of SCI as part of my life, it isn't so easy to just walk away from the man I married 22 years ago. We are older and not as active as we once were, but it has still been devastating and very hard on our relationship. I find him pulling away as he just isn't quite to the point of accepting his limitations, he is still working to recover and that is really all he sees. This is particularly hard on me as it feels as though I am not even on his priority radar. He is still very angry and feels his life is over. But Im not willing to give up yet. And I really don't want to start life all over, or be alone. I love my husband, even though he is a pain in the ass sometimes. We are spending some time apart right now as he in participating in a clinical trial for 11 weeks. I think he is happier alone... he has his routine... he is big on routines. But I am not happier... I am just lonely and I miss him. Sure I miss the life we had before his injury... and I am more free in some respects without him here, but it is just not the same without him, even though it is temporary. I have a big fear that he will come home after all this and decide to leave me. For me that would be just another big loss... akin to the loss we have already suffered. I don't know what the future holds... I'm just trying to take it a day at a time.