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Marriage commitment after SCI

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    #16
    Just be patient

    with your daughter in-law. It will be hard for her at times (IMO). I can remember getting angry and sad with little things, like seeing a man and a woman walking together holding hands. Then seeing an elderly couple, on vacation playing golf together. Their dreams will be different and they will both go through periods of sadness and anger - they need to look forward to the new opportunities ahead of them - and they will find their way! I suggest they work together on a therapy - cure - health plan and become a team with lots of hope. There is so much hope right now - tell her to come to CC to learn about everything there is to know!

    Good luck to them.

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      #17
      Very strange numbers. Are there stats on marriages that occur after SCI? Like when an AB marries a SCI say 1-2 year after SCI?

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        #18
        JEFF B; you got it right, NURSE; just the politically correct..

        ...response we expect from you.
        Personally, I see the marriage v sci thing a bit more rational. Let's face it, those who claim their marriage is just as 'complete', or 'strong marriage before = strong marriage post' are just not being real. I believe sci can unravel even the strongest of marriages if the grim reaper of sci decides to come calling at the times in your lives as JEFF B refers to. In fact, I think that it's up to the sci spouse to offer the AB spouse a painless out if the situation calls for it. The AB spouse does not want the stigma of being the heartless, abandoning one, and the sci spouse should be sensitive to this.
        Conversely, if the sci occurs during a sedentary period of the marriage, or if the partners tend to be rather sedentary themselves, then maybe even a weak marriage can last.
        I just don't think the creators of the "for better or worse" had the possibility of sci in mind, it's just too devastating to the AB spouse if the sci level is too burdening. We sci just have to suck it up and realize what havoc we create by just living. We should not begrudge the AB if the AB begins to disengage themself from the new and complicated lifestyle. Afterall, we want the best for each other, so why ruin two lives. Again, I speak of the more difficult sci's. I do believe there are some sci levels that do not suck the life out of the marriage, but everyone has different tolerances for dealing with adversity anyway so no single rule applies for all.

        Just my two cents, I offer no apologies, just a reality check.

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          #19
          Being an independent T4 para (5 years post injury), I find it somewhat surprising but the things that strained the marriage before injury are the same things that strain it now. The SCI actually has very little to do with it. It took a while but I guess it's come full circle.

          And if there is ever a divorce, we can both honestly agree that my SCI will not even be on the top 3 reasons why my wife & I split up. (which hopefully will not happen)
          "Oh yeah life goes on
          Long after the thrill of livin is gone"

          John Cougar Mellencamp

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            #20
            Tim C, Mike - agreed on all points.

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              #21
              Originally posted by walkanotherday
              Very strange numbers. Are there stats on marriages that occur after SCI? Like when an AB marries a SCI say 1-2 year after SCI?
              according to the research, post-SCI marriages have a much better prognosis. i don't have any hard numbers, tho.
              "The only true currency in this bankrupt world...is what you share with someone else when you're uncool." - Almost Famous

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                #22
                Originally posted by Varian
                i am sure if the marriage continues the significant other will cheat though.

                I hope not but most of the girls i've met would and said they would.
                you must hangout with some real winners

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                  #23
                  Originally posted by Susan M
                  My Husband, Colin, and I just celebrated our 18th year wedding anniversary--nearly 4 years to the day of my c4/c5 SCI. Our relationship was solid before our car accident, we are even more rock solid now. We are in this together.

                  Sue

                  I can tell you that she is right. Rand had a conversation with Colin for awhile during a visit and when we left he told me that he sure loves her a lot.

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                    #24
                    Jesse's Mom,

                    Thank you for posting that. I had no idea.

                    Susan
                    Please submit your photo and story of hope:

                    http://bridges2hope.unite2fightparalysis.org/


                    http://unite2fightparalysis.org/

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                      #25
                      The role model (or roll model) for this question.

                      Interesting question. One couple came to mind very quickly. Christopher and Dana Reeve. An incredible couple who will be greatly missed by many. That is all that needs to be said.

                      titanium4motion
                      "We must overcome difficulties rather than being overcome by difficulties."

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                        #26
                        my husband and I (husband is T6 complete) keep talking about this. It is natural to think that he will be a burden etc. etc. I told him that as long as he isn't an a---hole and as long as he is kind and good to me, AND..... as long as he maintains a positive atitude, I will be with him forever. We have been together for almost 18 years!! (highschool sweethearts). The same rules still apply... Be nice, be respectful, and don't cheat on me !!

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                          #27
                          To post my two cents, my wife told me she wanted a divorce 3 weeks after I got home from the hospital. We weren't having problems before this. Oh well true colors were revealed.

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                            #28
                            That is so f---ed up Mark. You will find someone better.... She did you a favor but leaving you. You deserve someone better.

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                              #29
                              Originally posted by markm
                              To post my two cents, my wife told me she wanted a divorce 3 weeks after I got home from the hospital. We weren't having problems before this. Oh well true colors were revealed.
                              You are better off without her Mark. In time someone else will come along.
                              T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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                                #30
                                Originally posted by Bryans Mom
                                I have had someone to day tell me that 99% of marriages break up after one spouse receives a sci. What is your input into this. I don't agree. My son is 28 and is a C1-2 as of last April 17th and I believe his and his wife's faith and our strong family and church family is a great asset that will make all the differnce. Sandy[IMG]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/IMG]
                                This August I will be married 17 years to my wife. 2 years 7 months post injury.
                                T6 complete (or so I think), SCI since September 21, 2003

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