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My ding-dong kid

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    #61
    coleen, i have felt same way when i posted threads bout my son. but look at the majority of responses. they are from ppl with teenagers going thru similar things. i'm glad some aren't going thru this, but i know many more who are. post away!

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      #62
      I'm with you Bente. Getting spanked, slapped whatever never taught me anything. I'm no mother yet so I can easily flamed for my views but whatever. However, each summer I raised my niece from 11(me) on & as a teacher working with 18 toddler age children I just saw more positive reinforcemnt without getting physical. And no, no child should be beaten.

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        #63
        I hardly got angry enough to punch something, and I also knew that punching a wall in our house was a bad idea since our house is made of concrete. My solution was to just get out of there if I was angry, since I knew that in anger bad decisions are made that one can regret later on.

        Sorry about what happened to your son (and wall), It's just a phase that we all go through.

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          #64
          Well. the monster's been at it again - this time he was suspended for smoking pot at the military ball! If you're going to smoke it, at least do it where a)you're old enough (18+) b) you're not at a school function and c) you know the people you're smokin it with - not "some kids from another school"! He swore to me just this morning that he stopped!! UGH!!!

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            #65
            Some kids just seem to need to learn the hard way, don;t they?
            T7-8 since Feb 2005

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              #66
              That's Jeremy, alright!

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                #67
                Just shaking my head.

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                  #68
                  Originally posted by Coleen View Post
                  Well. the monster's been at it again - this time he was suspended for smoking pot at the military ball! If you're going to smoke it, at least do it where a)you're old enough (18+) b) you're not at a school function and c) you know the people you're smokin it with - not "some kids from another school"! He swore to me just this morning that he stopped!! UGH!!!
                  Coleen,

                  Don't worry! Your child is going to make mistakes in his formative years. It's what being a teenager is about. The human brain doesn't stop fully growing until around the age of 25, thus, a teenager is often like a drunk driving a car--their perspectives are blurred and they cannot foresee all negative possibilities in their fullest.

                  I'm not a parent, but my advice coming from an old soul like myself: Don't be too strict, but don't be too lenient either. There's a balance and both extremes can be harmful to anyone. We need structure in ours lives, but we don't need overkill to have morals and ethics instilled into us. We need to be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, but don't allow teachable moments pass you out of guilt. Lastly, don't punish your child in ways that destroys his integrity: Don't call him stupid, don't blame his flaws on his father or his father's side, etc. We all need validation and I believe a parent punishing a child in a way that damages their sense of value only leads to a person not valuing themselves when they grow up.

                  The reason I can tell you all of this is because I'm sort of a product of well-intentioned, loving parents sometimes punishing their child in ways that mess with the child's core feelings about himself. Example: I could never understand why my spilling something provoked such anger and outrage from adults, but if adults spilled something, they just cleaned it up and it was the end of it. That confused the hell out of me as a child and in hindsight, when I see examples like that done to children, it angers me because I know it's fucking up that child's sense of worth. The child spilled milk. Big fucking deal! It's called an accident and part of something we call gravity.

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                    #69
                    My wall punching kid finally left for rehab yesterday! Got into a 90 day inpateint voluntary, finally realized he needed it.(So did we)Hope he stays the whole 90 days.

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                      #70
                      I hope it works out well for your kid.
                      Mine is never calledd any name (by me) other than his own & the nickname 'fang' (long story). If you spill, you clean it up & move on. (as with all things in life) He's suspended for at least 2 weeks, possibly longer. He'll be working his 'time' off at home & I'll be taking a much needed rest from housework during this time.

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                        #71
                        Ill spare you the examples of my dumb kid. yes though, I would not have ever done some of the shit I see going on. what the heck happened to self respect? no one wants to act proper anymore. not that im any kind of proper, but well im mary effin poppins compared to whats going down in and around towns today.

                        I dont know how my kid ever got the idea its ok to panhandle if you need money. i was horrified. id rather she punch a hole in the wall and have to fix it. and how do they live in those rooms of theirs?!? EEEeewwwww! I can shut the door, but every dish is in there mouldering in the dark, as well as likely every thing that I cant find when I need it. I miss my kids pray for them every day. love not doing their dishes. love love love not doing all those darn dishes.

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                          #72
                          Yeaaa. I did that dumb stuff when I was in my teenage years a couple times. After having the spackle and patches taken out of my allowance and having to fix them, I learned my lesson.
                          Glad to hear, I wasnt the only dumb one....
                          PEACE
                          B
                          Has it been five years yet? ..........

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