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My ding-dong kid

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  • #31
    Bente, I didn't realize there was a defecit w/ Thomas. Does he have ADD or a learning disability?

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    • #32
      Well for everyone with difficult teens I am thinking of you. I know you will get through it. After watching my parents with my sister I know it can sometimes take forever. I was no angel either and I have a temper, but she was out of control. I took many years and even her finally having kids of her own to figure it out.
      If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


      Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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      • #33
        I feel sorry for you folks that let your kids run all over you. I was raised by my mom, never a man in the house. If we did something like that, we'd get the living hell beat out of us. We were AFRAID to do dumb shit.
        A good ass beating TEACHES respect for you and the things you own. I pity the foooo that avoids the rod to 'spare' the child.

        I love my mother and am THANKFUL she beat my ass when I needed it.

        https://www.facebook.com/john.baxter.1213986

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        • #34
          Beating isn't allowed here in WA state, but he's paying everyday with the hurt & possible surgery. Besides, my 'chosen' (what we call adopted) boys were both sexually & physically abused by their biological mother & her live in, so violence isn't the best course to take with them. They need to unlearn it. I'm not a violent person, but I do follow thru with what I say - no threats, just promises & I don't make promises I can't (or won't) keep. W.O.E. - I've got one who's got ADD and the other is Autistic, but eventually they do learn - leave the holes until then, IMO

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          • #35
            Originally posted by CapnGimp View Post
            I feel sorry for you folks that let your kids run all over you. I was raised by my mom, never a man in the house. If we did something like that, we'd get the living hell beat out of us. We were AFRAID to do dumb shit.
            A good ass beating TEACHES respect for you and the things you own. I pity the foooo that avoids the rod to 'spare' the child.

            I love my mother and am THANKFUL she beat my ass when I needed it.
            just HOW does a paralyzed mom (or dad) do this (physically or legally)? let me know. geesh. like we are just dying for our kids to act like this. or even physically able to take a reasonable approach (such as removing a computer or whatever).

            come on, sit in my chair. what would YOU do? easy to say, not easy or even possible to do. don't need your pity. just some understanding would be nice. criticism from afar is easy.

            are you a single dad with teenage kid?? 24/7? with job? was your mom paralyzed?? come on. i can be legally prosecuted in WA for even asking a friend to come help, let alone lay a hand on my kid. GEESH.
            Last edited by cass; 12-20-2009, 05:01 AM.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Coleen View Post
              Beating isn't allowed here in WA state, but he's paying everyday with the hurt & possible surgery. Besides, my 'chosen' (what we call adopted) boys were both sexually & physically abused by their biological mother & her live in, so violence isn't the best course to take with them. They need to unlearn it. I'm not a violent person, but I do follow thru with what I say - no threats, just promises & I don't make promises I can't (or won't) keep. W.O.E. - I've got one who's got ADD and the other is Autistic, but eventually they do learn - leave the holes until then, IMO
              wow, coleen. you are one strong, admirable person. i feel humbled by someone like you. i wanted to adopt, but once i was quad just giving birth was a big deal. still wanted to adopt an older child, checked into it. decided it wasn't right because of my situation. thought i'd have another child (naturally), but my relationship status didn't support it.

              i wish i could adopt 2 or 3 older kids (like 5 or 6 yrs old). i wish i could do what you're doing. we have got to meet maybe i can be auntie lol

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              • #37
                Originally posted by quad79 View Post
                Bente, I didn't realize there was a defecit w/ Thomas. Does he have ADD or a learning disability?
                He has problems with the social codes. He doesnt have Asberger but some of the problems people with Asberger has. Like he doesn't understand how to react to different kind of things. And most of the time it is not understandable when he is at home or with me, but he has trouble when it is too many children around him, like in a normal class. But now they are six in the class and three teachers and he is doing much better than he has ever done before.

                Like I have to tell him the same things 100 times before he learn it, he never understand why things is happening like usual children. But his IQ is normal but his social IQ is not normal. When he started at school he wasn't talking nice to another child and I told him if he did talk nice to others, they would talk nice to him and he asked why I hadn't told him that before. How could I know I had to tell him things like that?
                TH 12, 43 years post

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                • #38
                  Wow Bente, I guess that is a rough situation. Have the teachers at school come up with any possible ways to help, like to give more choices, special chores etc. ?

                  I got my ass beat as a kid & I'm still living but things are different today when it comes to laws.Quite honestly, as much as I didn't like it being whipped, I learned way more from dealing with the consequences of my actions. After you're whipped, it's over. Taking away allowance, privledges,etc..now that stuff taught me more valuable lessons! Plus, in no way should a previously abused child or one with a mental defecit be hit.

                  Cass & others..raising a child from a chair scares the hell out of me! Total props here!

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                  • #39
                    He gets help at school this year and hopefully the next two years. He is on a farm with horses and goats twice a week and the other days he has school. And he is living at the school so they have people there who try to help him to understand how to behave. Like I said, I usually don't have any trouble with him but he has been 13 and is in the puberty.

                    I was beaten as a child too and I have never beaten Tomas. Only once when he was 3 years old and running away from me when he was small and crossed three street with enough traffic and he really scared me so when I reach him, he got a whipped on his ass.
                    TH 12, 43 years post

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                    • #40
                      My kid did the same thing once. Testosterone....its a wall killer!!
                      1FineSpineRN

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                      • #41
                        People feel bad to talk about it, but I think nearly all the parents have had a child who has done things like that.
                        TH 12, 43 years post

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                        • #42
                          Everyone does things like that but when it keeps happening over and over there is a serious problem. Obviously they aren't learning to control themselves, not to mention they have no respect. I read here over and over about it but I never hear anywhere what the consequences are. It is as if there are none. But I am not there to see all so how would I know. Does he destroy his dads house too or just yours? I really hope I never go through that. I hope the school helps him somehow.
                          If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


                          Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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                          • #43
                            I don't know. He would never tell me or somebody else.

                            He is doing it on school too, more times than at home, knocking his head in the wall, in the table again and again, destroying things. He has only destoyed those doors and one hole at home, at school he has done things like that a couple of times a week for 7 years.

                            The worse thing is that if you saw him and talked with him, you would never believe it. It took the man helping us half a year to see him angry and my friends have never seen him angry except when he is afraid for the other children outside when he is screaming and fighting with them.
                            TH 12, 43 years post

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                            • #44
                              my youngest daughter got pissed at her sibs one time and went to pound on a window and put her fist thru it...6 stitches later, she discovered not so smart and no longer punches inatimate objects...now punches sibs instead

                              as to how does a crippled parent get point across to teens ?...my 21 yo son got pissed last year and punched wall in my apt....then got his ass dropped by a power chair and slid down a hallway after saying "what about it old man?"..he controls his temper around the "crippled old man now"...

                              i'm with capn gimp, spare the rod spoil the child...no kid needs their ass "kicked"...but some kids need an ass whippin here and there

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                              • #45
                                What some kids "need" in LIFE & they "need" in discipline are two different things. NEVER HITTING AN ABUSED CHILD IS 100% THE WAY TO GO!!! THAY'VE ALREADY LEARNED VIOLENCE & LACK OF CONTROL, teaching patience & self control are hard, but well worth it to them in life. W.F.E. - it really sounds like a form of autisium with yours. What we did for mine is show him other ways to handle his anger (like a punching bag or several pillows belted together) & as far as the kids go, I'm afraid we just had to go with what he could handle & add one more kid when he got 'comfortable' whith the number he was with. Loud noises (unless made by Joe), bright lights & crowds tend to aggitate. Lessening those while teaching ways to control himself should really help. PM me if you'd like to vent or suggestions that've worked for Joe & I. And yes, I'm a single mom, too & in a w/c about 1/2 the time now.
                                Last edited by Coleen; 12-20-2009, 03:50 PM.

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