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    It's uplifting!

    It is so great to know that having a spinal injury - does not mean that one can never be a parent.
    Of course these parents will need more support than usual, but with support they can be a wonderful parent to their baby.
    It is the quality of the relationship that is the factor - and a loving involved parent, Dad or Mom - is all an infant/child needs to flourish.
    You do great work - keep it up!
    NewParentHelp
    http://www.diapering-baby.com
    Last edited by NewParentHelp; 31 Aug 2008, 9:33 PM. Reason: duplicated signature

    #2
    And what is your point for posting here? This appears to be quite patronizing and condescending, plus spamming for a commercial site.

    (KLD)
    The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

    Comment


      #3
      I think "Sod Off" is the most appropriate response to the OP.

      Comment


        #4
        Please, I had restored this thread because it had been posted by a person (not a spambot) and it expresses something that many people don't know, that people with spinal cord injury can have babies.

        NewParentHelp, hello. You are welcome to come on this site but we strongly discourage advertising. As you may have noticed already, this is a web site for people, families, friends, professionals, and others who are interested in spinal cord injury and related conditions.

        Wise.

        Comment


          #5
          I can certainly appreciate the sentiment, Dr.

          Another perspective is that there's hardly a lack of info on this topic that would seem to legitimize the usefulness of this advertisement.

          There are 13 _other_ threads about post-SCI folks having children, getting pregnant, parenthood, etc on just the first page of this forum alone, and none of them are a commercial for a product or service.
          "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

          "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

          Comment


            #6
            As a SCI injured person I was infuriated by the tone of the OP.

            I can only imagine the anger a SCI injured parent would feel being addressed in this manner.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Timaru
              As a SCI injured person I was infuriated by the tone of the OP.

              I can only imagine the anger a SCI injured parent would feel being addressed in this manner.
              Timaru, thank your for expressing your opinion. It is useful for people who are not spinal-injured to understand that some people with spinal cord injury are offended by the expression of surprise and positive emotion upon discovering that people with spinal cord injury can have children.

              I have talked to many parents who did not know that their spinal-injured daughter or son can have babies, that spinal cord injury does not necessarily prevent pregnancy or the ability to produce sperm. I have even talked to some newly injured spinal-injured people who did not know. It is not surprising to find somebody who does not know.

              Admittedly, the tone of this post is a bit condescending and the post does have a commercial link. The link, however, is genuine and leads to a site on diapers. If it had led to a viral site, I would have of course banned the person. It was a commercially sponsored site, which we discourage, but is not an automatic reason for banning.

              The moderators and I are having a discussion concerning what to do with these kinds of posts. I believe that CareCure should be a site not only for people and families with spinal cord injury but also for people to come and learn about spinal cord injury. Therefore, I have argued that we should leave this post for people to comment on.

              If the poster is a spammer or troll who is not interested in the discussion and simply wants to drive traffic to a diapering web site, we will soon find and can take appropriate actions. If not, we will also know. In any case, I don't think that it is damaging to our site to be courteous to visitors.

              Wise.
              Last edited by Wise Young; 4 Sep 2008, 9:44 PM.

              Comment


                #8
                perhaps a forum dedicated to this type of thing, e.g. "Vendors"

                i think it could help all of us, being exposed to legit 'advertising' related to SCI, much like the OP.

                there isn't a place on the web yet for this...much like the Cure and Care forums give us access to studies and results that some clinicians aren't yet well briefed on, a Vendor forum could potentially bring us timely, germaine info on useful products and services!

                cheers,
                dale
                "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it." - Edgar Allen Poe

                "If you only know your side of an issue, you know nothing." -John Stuart Mill, On Liberty

                Comment


                  #9
                  Dr. Young, thank you for taking the time to highlight the shortcomings in my two blunt, not to say ill considered posts in this thread.

                  It had not crossed my mind that my comments could be construed as criticism of a poster expressing delight in the discovery that the SCI'ed could be fertile and for that I apologize.

                  Further more it was boorish in the extreme to greet a first time genuine poster with the words "Sod off" and I agree I should have been more courteous to a site visitor.

                  My ire was roused by the second line of the OP.......

                  "Of course these parents will need more support than usual, but with support they can be a wonderful parent to their baby."

                  ........ which, however I read it, I still find condescending.

                  Jonathan.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    It does come across as personalized spam to me, but I doubt the parent company of the product linked needs to resort to this, so perhaps is is just a naively worded post meaning to be helpful.
                    T7-8 since Feb 2005

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Timaru,

                      This person may well be a spammer because he/she has not logged back into this site. However, let me try to understand why the post was offensive.

                      1. The post said initially that it is great that people with spinal cord injury can have children. I read in there also a degree of surprise that this is true. It is consistent with my experience that many people think that spinal cord injury not only causes paralysis but also inability to fertilize or to have children.

                      2. The person then says that parents with spinal cord injury need more support than usual. While this may not be true of all people with spinal cord injury, it is true of many people with quadriplegia.

                      3. The statement that the relationship is what is necessary for a child to flourish. This is a common anxiety amongst parents with disabilities, whether or not they can take care of the child and be a good parent.

                      The anxiety of being unable to have children and then inability to be a good parent are common amongst people with spinal cord injury. Why do you find it so offensive? It is because the post is being written by somebody who apparently is not injured?

                      Wise.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Dr. Young,

                        Let me try to explain why I found the post condescending.

                        It is entitled "It's uplifting!" and the first line explains why.

                        "It is so great to know that having a spinal injury - does not mean that one can never be a parent."

                        A first time visitor to the site has just discovered that SCI is not a barrier to parenthood and is expressing their delight, this is good.

                        The second line:

                        "Of course these parents will need more support than usual, but with support they can be a wonderful parent to their baby."

                        The first time poster now tells their audience what the SCI parent will need in order to be a "wonderful parent", not only are they stating the obvious but also assuming a knowledge of SCI.

                        The closing lines:

                        "It is the quality of the relationship that is the factor - and a loving involved parent, Dad or Mom - is all an infant/child needs to flourish."

                        This surely applies as much to the able bodied as it does to the disabled and is again stating the obvious.

                        "You do great work - keep it up!"

                        Who does?

                        I realize I am making the assumption that the poster is not an expert in matters pertaining to SCI but I do this based on the facts that this is a first time poster who was unaware that SCI does not preclude parenthood.

                        I hope this dispels any notion that I objected to this post because it was penned by a person who may be able bodied but rather because the author presumed to lecture the SCI (or, these parents) on parenthood.

                        Jonathan.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I agree. I don't think it is the content...it is the TONE of the post that is somewhat insulting and condescending.

                          (KLD)
                          The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Timaru,

                            The tone is condescending. Unfortunately, the person hasn't responded. It is possible that the person doesn't know where the post is because I restored it to the Family Forum and it may have been posted elsewhere.

                            Let's go on to discuss the issue of people with spinal cord injury being parents. I have several good friends who are respirator dependent. Two of them have children. I don't think that any of them regret it at all. On the other hand, I suspect that they all had some trepidations before they did it.

                            I have not read any statistics on the subject but I wonder what percentage of people go on to have children after spinal cord injury.

                            Wise.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Wise Young
                              Timaru,

                              The tone is condescending. Unfortunately, the person hasn't responded. It is possible that the person doesn't know where the post is because I restored it to the Family Forum and it may have been posted elsewhere.

                              Let's go on to discuss the issue of people with spinal cord injury being parents. I have several good friends who are respirator dependent. Two of them have children. I don't think that any of them regret it at all. On the other hand, I suspect that they all had some trepidations before they did it.

                              I have not read any statistics on the subject but I wonder what percentage of people go on to have children after spinal cord injury.

                              Wise.


                              Hi Wise,

                              I don't have an issue with people with SCI being parents, but I do think it's really too much to handle. Unless you've been planning it for a long time, and have the resources to make it work, it's probably not a good idea.

                              Of course, many people don't realize this until it's too late. I think the most important qualification for SCI parenthood is to have a lot of experience living with your SCI. If you have your routines established and your issues under control, you can devote the time and energy necessary to be a successful parent.

                              Still, I was always under the impression that after SCI, you should really focus on yourself and your own needs, rather than bringing someone else into the picture. It seems even more important after a life-changing injury. But I just stare in wonderment and admiration at those people strong enough to take everything on all at once.
                              "Leela, you look beautiful. Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso."

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