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    "You're such a good person ..."

    Hi,

    Just wondering: do any of you (AB spouses/significant others) get this "awww, you have a heart" or "you're such a good person" kind of patronizing look when they find out about/meet your SCI husband/wife?

    Or how about this one: "I wouldn't be able to do it."

    Like I said, just wondering ....

    Sabine

    #2
    Hah, you bet.
    "You must be a saint" (the unsaid part is ... to put up with that)
    My usual reply is to the effect of thank you, but I didn't feel I had a choice, or, that's the hand I was dealt.
    I often add something about how this kind of thing makes you think about the meaning of commitment and love. That gets them on the "I wouldn't be able to do it" business.
    - Richard

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      #3
      I have heard my father say "how unfortunate for your spouse" when someone gives him that last line!!

      You don't really have to respond. Give them a smug look, and look at your partner, and say "you don't know what you are missing" (which is true, either way!).

      Some people don't know how to turn on their brain before they open their mouth. That is THEIR disability.

      (KLD)
      The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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        #4
        I can't believe the shit that comes out of the people's mouths. That's like saying, "Aww, you're not a racist," if you meet someone with a spouse of another ethnicity. The audacity is extreme.

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          #5
          Yes!!!! I have heard,

          "Your such a good person."
          "I don't know how you do it."
          "I would never be able to put up with that."
          "He's so lucky to have you." (I laugh, its probably the other way around. I'm can be quite the pain in the butt.)
          "I wouldn't blame you if you decided to leave him." (pretty sure I wasn't asking for anyone's permission.)

          I just roll my eyes.

          My favorite all time inappropriate comment was "Can you two still have sex?" This came at a X-mas party from a coworker's husband whom I had never met before. I asked him, "Can you still have sex?"

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            #6
            OMG... yes, I get this all the time.... I know they mean well, it just comes off like they feel sorry for you or something. No need to pity me, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

            Oh... here's the reverse of that... we were at Sam's the other day and I was pushing a very full flatbed cart. As we were going out the door, they stopped me to check my receipt, Mark says to me "I'll go ahead and open the van up". The girl says to me "You're very lucky" I had to ask her what she just said and she repeated..."HE's helping YOU" It kinda caught me off guard. I just smiled and said... "oh, you have no idea..."
            AB, Husband is c5-6 inc quad, 25 years post injury.

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              #7
              Thanks for the replies ....

              Funny you mention the "Can you still have sex?" question.
              I don't know how the idea started, but we had always talked about having t-shirts made with kind of a bar going across the chest area. Written across the bar it would say 1. "From Here Down." Then, below that there'd be a 2. "Car Accident." Below that, a 3. "Yes I can."

              Kinda sums it up, we thought . Not sure why we never actually went through with it.

              Sabine

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                #8
                Originally posted by AirForceGirl
                Thanks for the replies ....

                Funny you mention the "Can you still have sex?" question.
                I don't know how the idea started, but we had always talked about having t-shirts made with kind of a bar going across the chest area. Written across the bar it would say 1. "From Here Down." Then, below that there'd be a 2. "Car Accident." Below that, a 3. "Yes I can."

                Kinda sums it up, we thought . Not sure why we never actually went through with it.

                Sabine
                Perfect .... I love it ..... maybe we can raise some cash for a cure with that idea .....

                Obieone
                ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                Jane Siberry

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                  #9
                  Sadly, I have zero artistic talent when it comes to this kind of stuff ... Do you think these would sell? Where would you sell them? A disabilities expo, maybe? A sporting event? I suppose they wouldn't ALL have to say "car accident" either ...

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Le Type Fran├žais
                    I can't believe the shit that comes out of the people's mouths. That's like saying, "Aww, you're not a racist," if you meet someone with a spouse of another ethnicity. The audacity is extreme.
                    hahahahaha

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                      #11
                      I like the shirt idea as well, I would definitely get one. There a couple places online that sell disability shirts, they may help with the design.
                      C2/3 quad since February 20, 1985.

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                        #12
                        I love the t-shirt idea.

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                          #13
                          Me, too... that's a great idea.. Mark's would have to say "diving accident"...
                          AB, Husband is c5-6 inc quad, 25 years post injury.

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                            #14
                            I hear that crap a lot . . . Depending on my mood, I always answer either,

                            "No, actually I'm kind of a bitch." (when I'm in a really bad mood) or

                            "What, you don't think he's worth the trouble?" (spoken in a surprised voice, like maybe I missed something they're seeing . . . this one never fails to shame 'em into silence.)

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                              #15
                              I have a T shirt!
                              And the truth shall set you free.

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