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  • I hate my job

    I have been back to work for a month now, after taking 3 months off to care for my husband after his injury. I was looking forward to coming back. I had a great relationship w/ all my coworkers and enjoyed actually doing the work. I was always one of their highest performers. Now, I don't want to be here. I struggle to make conversation w/ my coworkers and have become hypersensitive to all their complaining (the whining goes right through me.) I have a hard time staying focused and just dont really care when my work gets done. I look for anything to do besides work.

    What I really don't get is that once I leave this place I'm fine. I get along w/ my friends and family the same as always, if not closer. I was starting to think maybe I was depressed but how come I feel fine outside of work? Has anyone gone through this?

  • #2
    So sorry.

    I remember getting kinto a slump like that @ one of my jobs. I would cry on the way to work, be all nervous and anxious, be nauseated, cranky. Oh, I hated it!I'd been there for years and I was just way past ready to go. I did take a break and soon moved onto a job that I adored.

    It sounds like maybe you are just worried about your husband though and miss being w/ him.Just a guess. Sweetie, I have no suggestions there. I do wish you the best and hope you get it figured out because I know "that"feeling-it sux!

    Maybe you need to vent more?

    Good luck....

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    • #3
      Interesting -- I hadn't put it together, but I wasn't really ever able to get back into my old job after the accident. I loved it, too . . . but it wasn't the same, or probably I wasn't the same. I had this secret fierce resentment that everyone else had sailed right on as if the world hadn't changed -- even tho' I knew perfectly well that I was being crazy.

      I left after a year or so and started over in a whole new field.

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      • #4
        Yup .... I hear ya' .... listening to people whine about ..... N O T H I N G .... drove me crazy .... then I came to realize I was a little crazy myself and they were just being "normal" ... I was fortunate enough to work in a small town in a small town institution and I was able to ride it out ... the moment passed and I'm still there and life has gone ... on ..... I am one of the lucky ones ...... but I so get what you're saying .....

        Obieone
        ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


        " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
        Jane Siberry

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        • #5
          Originally posted by kate
          Interesting -- I hadn't put it together, but I wasn't really ever able to get back into my old job after the accident. I loved it, too . . . but it wasn't the same, or probably I wasn't the same. I had this secret fierce resentment that everyone else had sailed right on as if the world hadn't changed -- even tho' I knew perfectly well that I was being crazy.

          I left after a year or so and started over in a whole new field.
          Exactly the same for me. I guess, I changed. My previous career involved a bit of the killer instinct, it was high pressure and a ton of hours. After my husband's injury, I just didn't have it anymore. I loved that job, I always said that it was my dream job, but I started over in a new career about a year and a half later. So far, I am happy where I am now. Funny, isn't it. I have never been able to explain exactly why I left the old career and I know that no one really understands when I try to explain why I changed careers. The bottom line is that I am different now!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by ginamarie
            I have never been able to explain exactly why I left the old career and I know that no one really understands when I try to explain why I changed careers. The bottom line is that I am different now!
            Been thinking about this . . . I remember feeling --especially during that first year--like an imposter, or a refugee from somewhere far away pretending to be me. I would be in the middle of doing something perfectly normal, like walking the dog on the same old route, and have this odd sense of falsehood. Like I knew that anybody seeing me do that would assume that I had made peace with the new circumstances.

            I never made peace with the new circumstances! Just for the record, the injury is still just as hideous and unfair and infuriating as it ever was.

            It's possible that the changing of an outside thing like my work was needed to get away from that weird I-am-me-but-not-me feeling -- like, a way of moving on that respected reality.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by kate
              Been thinking about this . . . I remember feeling --especially during that first year--like an imposter, or a refugee from somewhere far away pretending to be me. I would be in the middle of doing something perfectly normal, like walking the dog on the same old route, and have this odd sense of falsehood. Like I knew that anybody seeing me do that would assume that I had made peace with the new circumstances.

              I never made peace with the new circumstances! Just for the record, the injury is still just as hideous and unfair and infuriating as it ever was.

              It's possible that the changing of an outside thing like my work was needed to get away from that weird I-am-me-but-not-me feeling -- like, a way of moving on that respected reality.
              You said it in a way I never could! But that is how I feel as well...

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              • #8
                Originally posted by kate
                Interesting -- I hadn't put it together, but I wasn't really ever able to get back into my old job after the accident. I loved it, too . . . but it wasn't the same, or probably I wasn't the same. I had this secret fierce resentment that everyone else had sailed right on as if the world hadn't changed -- even tho' I knew perfectly well that I was being crazy.

                I left after a year or so and started over in a whole new field.
                I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has that resentment. At first, I had it towards everyone but then soon realized our family and friends had somewhat suffered a loss too. But here at work, everything is the same, everything but me. I thought coming back to work would be great. That was one part of my life I could have back and was not touched by SCI.

                Thanks for all the replies. I take comfort in knowing I'm not completely insane. Now I must force my self to do some work!

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                • #9
                  You are not insane, by any stretch of the imagination, it's just that your life was flipped upside down and co-workers, clients, etc. just can't understand that sometimes they appear very shallow, selfish and inconsiderate. The feeling gradually diminished for me but it still can come in waves at times. I eventually changed locations but stayed in the same field. I still have to put up with some of the petty things clients say but I just remember we all need to vent but some people vent before thinking about who they are venting to. By the way my T-8 para husband is in your state Dec. 3-8 on a hunting trip with his two best friends. I hope there are not any news flashes about a parapalegic, a dude with dbl hip replacements and a guy with a bad back causing problems, they promised they would be good.

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                  • #10
                    Your coworkers may at best "empathize" with your situation, but they will never "sympathize"– having the understanding that only the experience provides. I don't know how close your are with them, but a good way to communicate what you're going through is to have them gossip. I know it sounds strange, but I am sure you don't want to explain yourself to everyone. When my friend/coworker had a miscarriage, she encouraged people to gossip so she wasn't having to explain her tragedy to every last person. Maybe that's something you could try?

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                    • #11
                      I came back to work after 4 months. Even though I can walk albeit stiff, I look completely normal but trying to be the old me will never happen again. I have accepted the new me and know what I can handle. I refuse to work those long hours anymore. I rather be at home relaxing.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by miparson
                        Your coworkers may at best "empathize" with your situation, but they will never "sympathize"– having the understanding that only the experience provides.
                        think you got your definitions mixed up there (empathy and sympathy) but agree with your intent. empathy can only come from those who have experienced it. since my accident, my job and job interactions have never been the same or even similar.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by cass
                          think you got your definitions mixed up there (empathy and sympathy) but agree with your intent. empathy can only come from those who have experienced it.
                          Actually, no. You have the definitions backwards. Empathy is the ability to project oneself into another's situation without ever having experienced it personally. Sympathy refers to like feelings, similar situations.

                          —Synonyms 1. concord, understanding, rapport, affinity.Sympathy, compassion, pity, empathy all denote the tendency, practice, or capacity to share in the feelings of others, especially their distress, sorrow, or unfulfilled desires. Sympathy is the broadest of these terms, signifying a general kinship with another's feelings, no matter of what kind: in sympathy with her yearning for peace and freedom; to extend sympathy to the bereaved. Compassion implies a deep sympathy for the sorrows or troubles of another coupled to a powerful urge to alleviate the pain or distress or to remove its source: to show compassion for homeless refugees. Pity usually suggests a kindly, but sometimes condescending, sorrow aroused by the suffering or ill fortune of others, often leading to a show of mercy: tears of pity for war casualties; to have pity on a thief driven by hunger. Empathy most often refers to a vicarious participation in the emotions, ideas, or opinions of others, the ability to imagine oneself in the condition or predicament of another: empathy with those striving to improve their lives; to feel empathy with Hamlet as one watches the play.

                          C.

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