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    Anybody just have a series of really shitty days ...

    This is mostly totally off topic of SCI caregiving, and is self indulgent whining, but I'll start with the SCI part at least.

    Our PCA is fantastic, been with us about 3 months now. But she's been on Xmas break for about 2 weeks, one more week to go. Going back to doing 100% of everything has been a hard adjustment, which then in turn makea me feel incompetent, guilty, overworked, etc etc ....

    We just had to practically rob a bank to pay for Chad's $42K wheelchair. We even had to ask people that I would normally never ever ask and it was utterly and totally humiliating to my pride. Now se are in hock so deeply that I see utterly no hope for digging out of this. It scares me so badly. Our insurance? Pfffftttt. A total joke and so massively frustrating that I feel like just giving up for the sake of my mental health and blood pressure.

    I have a friend who is probably going to die within 3 moths. She is a dear dear friend and she has a son exactly my son's age and a younger one. She is 6 years younger than me. Very bad, no hope type, metastatic breast cancer. I am bracing myself for the worst very soon, but how can I? The thought of going to her funeral literally makes me ill. I have thrown up over this several times in the last few days after she got her most recent report which showed that it GOT massively worse, worse than anyone ever expected. Even the oncologist was surprised.

    WM's husband has been injured ... I am so worried and scared for them. I had a TBI recently and it was very minor compared to most, so I know what may be in store for him/them.

    I just watched a really really really depressing episode of a television show. Now I'm sobbing. The issue on the show hit way, way too close to home and I can't stop thinking about it.

    Another poster was horrible to me in another forum. Granted, I swatted at him first and shouldn't have, but I cried when I read the response back. I need to just stay out of those fights (aforementioned poster who knows who he is probably, please, this is NOT a further insult to you, I am NOT looking to fight further, I am just hurting badly magnified by all the other total shit in my life). So then, I do suppose I post drivel.

    I am sitting here crying.

    Anybody can to hand over a tissue?

    I am totally losing it here.
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

    #2
    aw. that sucks, ami.
    Daniel

    Comment


      #3
      Hang in there, and vent anytime you need. I am a firm believer that, that helps.

      I would give you one of my tissues but I have a nasty cold, doubt you want my nasty snot.
      www.cawvsports.org
      The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ~ Don Juan Matus
      We are Virginia Tech… We must laugh again… No one deserves a tragedy… We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid…We are better than we think and not quit what we want to be…We are the Hokies…We will prevail, we will prevail, we will prevail. We ARE Virginia Tech! ~ Nikki Giovanni

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        #4
        Some people have one of those days. I've had one of those lives.

        I bet a lot of us can feel that way. Sorry you're having a rough time, Ami. If you ever want to vent, feel free.
        Daniel

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          #5
          Originally posted by dan_nc
          aw. that sucks, ami.
          You were such a bright spot in my day. Thanks.
          Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by zillazangel
            You were such a bright spot in my day. Thanks.
            any time, ami.
            Daniel

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              #7
              Ami....honey child... I have big box of tissues right here.... Being a breast cancer survivor myself... I just know how fortunate I am to have survived. Cancer sucks! It's only people in my life who have money that tell me that money is not important...ha!
              Be kind to yourself Ami... we LOVE you! and I love that this caregiver forum is here for us to be able to come here and vent!

              Love to you, Chad and of course small boy... and I know you guys will be RREALLY happy to see your PCA!!

              Love, Sieg

              Comment


                #8
                Thank you sieg, i know you really understand. ((thanks))
                Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

                Comment


                  #9
                  I'm having a series of really shitty years, but this isn't about me. (note to self: stay on topic)

                  I hear ya, sometimes the shit just keeps piling up 'til your buried in it. Problems have a way of feeding on pain and multiplying out of control. I've found that the upside to hitting bottom is you have nowhere to go but up. Hang in there, and vent as needed. We all feel like this sometimes, and you just have to do whatever you have to do to get yourself through and out of it.
                  De Omnibus Dubitandum

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Ami...

                    I promise you WILL get through all this.... Even if I have to come down there and make you do lunch with me...LOL...

                    (someday we WILL do lunch...)...

                    Anyhow...

                    I have been through enough ruff times in my life to realize that ruff times are not forever...

                    Know there will be better times...

                    Know as MycO said..."crap occurs"

                    ^^^ Nice way to say S*$% Happens...LOL

                    (you BETTER be smiling!!!)...

                    Take care, God bless! Go hug your family...it's almost 2007! A new year, a new start...

                    Love ya'll!

                    Teena

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I've never seen you post drivel.....in fact your posts are probably among those which have helped spouses, families and new SCI the most. Full of advice, hope and sense.

                      When I first found CC i was ravenous for info - I went back and read EVERY post I could by some members because they seemed to spout the no holds barred truth I was looking for. You were one of them (I am not a stalker!)

                      Sorry that you're hurting. You don't deserve it. None of us do.

                      Sometimes I forget how lucky I am
                      C5/6 incomplete

                      "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Paul - will you be my stalker? Kidding ...

                        Funny replies Dan & Myco. lol

                        Ami - what about having a fundraiser to help pay for Chad's chair (damn, Christmas would have been the perfect time as people are feeling more generous and willing to open their pockets). Or okay, hit them when people start receiving their income tax cheques (early March to April lol).

                        In any case, I hope it gets better. From one who can cry at a sympathic commercial! lol
                        Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                        T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by lynnifer
                          Paul - will you be my stalker? Kidding ...
                          l
                          I don't have time....not with this female CC member avatar blanket I'm making....the little faces will keep me warm
                          C5/6 incomplete

                          "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by teena
                            Ami...

                            I promise you WILL get through all this.... Even if I have to come down there and make you do lunch with me...LOL...

                            (someday we WILL do lunch...)...
                            Teena--you keep saying you're coming into town ... ;-) yada yada yada.
                            Daniel

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Ami

                              Hopefully things will get better soon. The drowning feeling really sucks. Sometimes it is healthy to have a good "soul cleaning cry"...

                              We are all guilty at swatting at other members....so dont beat yourself down. Crap does happen....just bounce back.

                              I think us Carolinians are overdue for a "day out and lunch together" ahem....Dan and Teena...... Maybe we can plan something when your PCA gets back and things settle down....

                              ((((((big hugs))))))) for ya girlfriend!!!!

                              PS: I am a huge procrastinator...so yall set a date and I will get there!!!
                              T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

                              My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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