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A really petty gripe, can anyone relate? (m)

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    #16
    I know my Mom loves for me to visit and she has her "blue haired" friends that she rattles around with on a daily basis, as she is always on the go.

    When she does repeat a lot, I think she just forgets who shes told what.

    All her activities aside, I think she does get lonely and maybe just
    wants someone to talk to. That might be the case for a lot of you who
    care for your loved one 24/7....I'm excluding husbands here cause I
    think it's genetic with them and they just can't help themselves.

    I have plans to visit her for a week beginning this Saturday and I know
    by the time I leave I will have a....

    signed: Numb Tongue Too!
    Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

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      #17
      zillazangel,

      In the great big scheme of things, semantics may be seemingly trivial but it really is NOT petty. My grandfather has Alzheimer's disease and we're finding that we need to lay down the guidelines for communication. I realize that Alzheimer's is a different scenario but if you don't want a 25-hour day, you have to redefine your relationship and sometimes that redefinition begins with the choice of words we hear constantly throughout the day.

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        #18
        My husband can't leave the house without going back in for something. I call it dawdling. Now mind you, it's possible he's only getting in the van to take me to the doctor. But when I sit in the van for the 200 bazillionth time because he forgot the map/keys/whatever, after 23 years it still feels like a power struggle because he's making me wait.

        The other day he was driving to Tucumcari NM to pick me up. This is a long trip to pick somebody up, he was so determined to be there on time that he had a thermos of coffee, mp3 player hooked up, van cleaned out. He didn't go back in the house.

        He was in Amarillo TX when he realized he was on a road trip with no wallet.

        My friend had to finance the whole thing (buy us lunch/gas/snacks) because I was penniless and for once Steve didn't go back in the house.

        It's the little things that make us the craziest. I'm just glad I'm not a caregiver. Peace to all of yall that are.
        Blog:
        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

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          #19
          Originally posted by Kendell
          Case in point - ye olde toothpaste tube. I squeeze from the middle, she rolls the tube nice and neat from the bottom. Drove her crazy how I did it, and I was aggravated that she was making a big deal of it! Now that sounds petty, does it not, but it was those types of problems that caused the most issues for us.
          What about Hers and Hers toothpaste? It's a simple, low-cost solution to have two tubes. You may then each squeeze as you prefer to your hearts' content.

          Voila!

          BTW, glad to see you posting again.

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            #20
            respite
            Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

            I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

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              #21
              Originally posted by Liz321
              respite
              Perfect.

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                #22
                Queen -you're hysterical. My limit, like Ben Franklin's, is three (3) days with friends or family. After that, like fish, the situation begins to smell..

                Ami - Hopefully Chad's communication skills are improving . If not, as Obie or Mary would probably suggest, just add more wine or chocolate, or music..

                ME, a very practical suggestion. Funny, I keep extra tubes of toothpaste for any, ahem, guests that may spend the night.

                Robyn - truer sentiments couldn't have been spoken. As someone who is an admitted type 'A' person and who strives to be as independent as possible, pre and post injury, the amount of frustration and aggravation, pride and dignity that I have swallowed over the past six yrs because I've had to ask for help on some of the simplest and mundane tasks could fill an ocean. I sometimes think that this (frustration) is what will put me over the edge. I live alone, except if you count the three dogs and 12 fish, and relish the fact, as difficult as it sometimes is, my relative independence. There are some things that still drive me nuts but slowly I'm trying to let them go.

                To all the caregivers here you have my most sincere and heartfelt respect. You are amazing. And although I know you're only venting its better to let off a little steam gradually than erupting into a volcano later. Thank you from the entire sci community for all that you do.

                Peace, onward & upward.
                Last edited by Chris Chappell; 4 Oct 2006, 3:25 PM.

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                  #23
                  Halo Zilla....Understanding your position is easy for me as I am my husband's caregiver! I know they try so hard to not 'burden' us with tasks...but the truth for me is...he can't do it himself, or he would!!! If something my hubby says bothers me, then I repeat it back to him (what he said) with a question mark on the end...then he hears it himself! I try not to make it too sarcastic, but sometimes we don't truly hear what we say...especially when we are so wonderfully use to being around the one we love!!! Also, we use a lot of humour in our lives! Keep on keepin' on and PLEASE remember, you are not the only one and this is a place for understanding and validation!!! Great Luck to you!!! p.s. I have a picture of my husband in ICU with the tubes, machines, etc. by my home office...with the caption reading "We're Not Here"....to help remind me that we are not in the that horrible space of time...but living our lives and making the most wonderful life out of it!!!!

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                    #24
                    Originally posted by Chris Chappell
                    ME, a very practical suggestion. Funny, I keep extra tubes of toothpaste for any, ahem, guests that may spend the night.
                    Yes, those additional tubes of toothpaste and new toothbrushes certainly uncomplicate the stays of any, ahem, overnight guests.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by LaMemChose
                      What about Hers and Hers toothpaste? It's a simple, low-cost solution to have two tubes. You may then each squeeze as you prefer to your hearts' content.

                      Voila!

                      BTW, glad to see you posting again.

                      Thanks, LaMem

                      What's sad is we did have two tubes of toothpaste. Her Royal Obssessive Compulsiveness simply couldn't stand to see mine squeezed incorrectly.

                      Problem solved --- I finally told her if it bothered her that much to feel free to re-squeeze mine whichever way she wanted - made me no never mind...


                      I rather think that's one of the biggest deciding factors in whether or not a marriage will make it. We all have our quirks... it's whether or not you can find ways to live with each other's idiosyncracies.
                      Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
                      - Albert Einstein

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                        #26
                        Ami,

                        I have you on my mind tonight. So for whatever reason I do..here's your hug!! {{{{{HUG}}}}}}

                        Mary...
                        1FineSpineRN

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by Kendell
                          Thanks, LaMem

                          What's sad is we did have two tubes of toothpaste. Her Royal Obssessive Compulsiveness simply couldn't stand to see mine squeezed incorrectly.

                          Problem solved --- I finally told her if it bothered her that much to feel free to re-squeeze mine whichever way she wanted - made me no never mind...


                          I rather think that's one of the biggest deciding factors in whether or not a marriage will make it. We all have our quirks... it's whether or not you can find ways to live with each other's idiosyncracies.

                          Bottom line..we should all be loved as much as Kendell loves Her Royal Compulsiveness...and as my kids would say..at least you guys both brush!!

                          Mary
                          1FineSpineRN

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                            #28
                            Ami....


                            (((((((HUG))))))))

                            I kind of know what you are going through but Don is a para so I count my blessings. And he's about 15 months out from injury so it hasn't been that long. Even when he was AB it was ALWAYS asking if I could get him something or do something... so I was kind of pre-conditioned.

                            Sieg

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                              #29
                              good god, my mom must hate me. i try not to be demanding...
                              -C6 incomplete
                              -injured January, 14th 2006 in roll-over

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                                #30
                                That reminds me...

                                That reminds me of a friend of mine who had MS and was in a chair. When he would ask for something, there would be the question - like "Could you get me a drink?" and then a second later, almost too late, he would say, "Please." He was always just on the verge of forgetting to say it and he would laugh about it sometimes if it was late or if he really forgot. I'm pretty sure it was something he'd had to learn since his wife was his primary caregiver. It always made me chuckle. Boy, I wish I could get my husband to learn that. But, sometimes I remember my friend and it's OK anyway. It's really hard to change your little habits like that.
                                *************
                                AB wife of T8 complete para

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