Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

New SCI with 18 yr old son

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #31
    Check out my bud Toms website at www.sitski.com for good info on skiing.

    Comment


      #32
      flyfisher, you say, "I feel so incredibly bad for him, it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. I try not to show it to him and I think I have been successful there. It is so sad."
      WHY ARE YOU NOT BEING HONEST WITH HIM???
      He will gather strength and more compassion for you, knowing that you are suffering too. Level with him or you are doing both of you a disservice. Living a lie is not loving.
      It actually bummed me out that my mother appeared so cool and collected when I was a 19 yr old new sci in 1979. When I found out how devastated she was it actually hurt a lot but I got a lot stronger in my head also, because I wanted her to feel better about me.
      Mothers and Sons!! What a trip!
      Lots of love and GOOD LUCK to you both and the rest of your family.
      Last edited by PeteShick; 1 May 2006, 7:39 PM.

      Comment


        #33
        i'd help you out but my mom is bearing down on me right now..... says i don't talk enough..... like i ever did. some boys don't change, just their mode of transportation does.
        Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

        Comment


          #34
          Funny about you rMom bearing down on you..... I have been honest with my son. Some people are kind of surprised such how honest our house is, especially on subjects other parents miught consider "untouchable". He has seen me WEEP, but I will tell you I cried in ICU once, and he saw 1 freakin tear roll down my check and told me "Mom don't cry because if you do I will never stop myself." Need less to say I stopped and saved my sharing of emtions for times I felt were more opportune. He knows how bad this is for everyone. I am aware and don't hide much (ask him he tells me I drive him nuts!!) I agree that you have to be honest, that iis what relationships are all about.

          Yup skiing. His neuro doc has a date with him for next winter. We shall ski. That is up to him. Right now he HATES the mountain. Can't blame him. I am trying to complete a grant for a monoski. I know he won't want to give it up. Thanks. We lived in Bozeman for 22yrs before moving to Bend and miss it dearly. I love the community and MSU and espcially the area. I know alot about Kalispell also as I grew up in Alberta (those crazy Canadians).... Which direction 100 miles? I love that area as well and we have alot of great friends in Whitefish. Lucky you - Glacier, Flathead, Big Mtn etc etc. Great great area...

          There are no adaptive organized sports in OR that I know of. Might have to think about starting something here...

          Today seems a better day and I owe alot of it to you guys and all your suggestions. Thanks! I mentioned to the doctors today that he sleeps alot and they told me "Ah... yes I remember those days well....." Thanks - so now I am beat down and agree as long as his end is upheld sleep all you want..... right?

          Comment


            #35
            There used to be a couple adaptive programs in OR. Call the mountain. They will know. Or just go down to Tahoe, over to Boise or up to Seattle. Really good programs in each of those places. At least a weekend trip. He will catch on to skiing very fast.

            I live NW of kalispell. Right between Whitefish and Sandpoint.

            Comment


              #36
              About adaptive skiing, rollin and I have gone the past two winters and he's a quad. We go thru Eugene's adaptive sports program at Hoodoo, It's not just for Eugene residents- there are several out of towners who meet us there. The equipment, training, etc are all provided at an amazing price. Maybe Hoodoo would be a good change of scenery for him- no history.
              As far as the 'I'm eighteen so I can do what I want'- ppfffffttttttt. As my mother always told us- 'My roof, my rules'. Have him come up with a five year plan, due at graduation. The more details, the more seriously you'll take it.
              'I'm moving back to MT.' isn't a plan. 'I'm moving back and going to live with three roomies who'll help me adapt the place. If I take X number of credits, will you pay my rent? If I quit halfway thru the first term, can I have another chance, as long as my GPA is x.y? I can pay my roomies to do my laundry, but I'll need more clothes. I can live on pizza, or dorm food, or Easy Mac......' This is the beginning of a plan. If he never does anything but write something down, he'll at least be thinking about living with his injury. Ask him why he thinks it's ok to blow off appts. It sounds like you've done the mom thing well so far- don't let his injury become an excuse.
              If he doesn't want to see your tears because it makes him cry an ocean, he needs to let the tide out. He should grieve for what he's lost.
              Rollin was injured at 18 also; he's 26 now. It took him a good three years to accept what had happened. His denial included checking himself out of the hospital AMA when his girlfriend showed up one day. He was septic at the time due to an ignored UTI. He never made it out of the parking lot before he had to go back thru the ER. I tell him it's a very good thing we didn't know each other then .
              It sucks, but it is.
              walkin

              Comment


                #37
                walking, i see your point, but you forget what's it's like being young.
                5 year plans are for communists : ) we cannot think 5 years ahead, not like you do. We have vague hopes, goals and ambitions (that do lead to action), but not itineraries. Your example is clearly one made by an adult and we're still in the transition phase, regardless of the SCI.

                I would encourage him to become as independent as possible, ie. wheelchair skills, driving, cooking, doing own laudry, learning how to carry groceries, just living life, instead of trying to organize which of his friends will do his laundry prior to getting into to U of M. Preparing yourself to be able to adapt to spontaneous situations is much more realistic for college, as plans rarely, if ever, go as they are meant to with young people. that's been my experience anyway.

                Flyfisher, as i'm sure you've noticed there is a lot of helpful, but often conflicting advice on CC. As said before, Remember you know your son better than anyone so trust your own judgement regardless of i or anyone else posts.

                Comment


                  #38
                  I told my son ,then age 17, our doors would be locked at midnight.
                  He'd best be in by then or he'd have to sleep elsewhere. His problem not mine. He just laughed and said "ok".

                  He knew our exterior garage sidedoor was usually unlocked, but from the
                  garage into the house it was always locked. He came in past midnight only twice. After having spent the night sleeping in the back seat of the car he learned I wasn't kidding. It's got to be doubly uncomfortable with an sci. Good luck!

                  He knew ringing the doorbell, knocking on the garage inside door to get me up would be fruitless and that I meant business.
                  Your life is what you make it, and only you have that choice!

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Not to take away from this thread...
                    but I was wondering if any of you *Kalispellites* are origionally from the area, if your families (parents/grandparents) are also as my father and grandfather were from there and they might know of my family? Please pm me if so. TY. Teesie
                    "I want to make a difference! However small it may be~ as long as it's a positive one, then this is what my life will have been about and I will go knowing I did my best.~ T.

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Surf sister, I'm not sure how old you think I am, but my first five year plan was made when I was a senior in HS. It mainly included where I was going to college. I changed colleges, changed majors, etc, but I knew what I was gonna be working towards doing. It's a tool for thinking about your life. We had to do one as part of our senior 'how to be an adult' class, whatever it was called. The whole how to balance a checkbook, what a contract is, what compound interest does thing. Say what you want about California- they educate yer azz.
                      Assuming (I know) you're not in jr high, are you saying you don't know what you'll be doing in Sept? If you do, you have a six month plan. It's a start.
                      walkin

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Yikes!!! Of course he has a plan. Acutally in OUR HOUSE (not relying on a school system to teach OUR kids basic manners, skills etc) we taught them all of that easy to learn life skills, actually from a much younger age than a senior in high school. I felt it was my duty as a parent to do it. I have always exposed my kids to alot of different professions as our friends are 95% professionals. AND education after high school is a no brainer with the competitive world we live in. That part is a piece of cake. I think what I am getting out of you is to look at a financial plan of sorts. That of course is worked out early in the plan,me being an anal Accountant. We have that part taken care of for the most part. Things change though and we know that. Success is high regarded and alot of the times rewarded so grades are important here at the homefront and basically have been since grade school. These last few days have been great and he is doing his business as he should. Hope he keeps it up.

                        He is happy to not wear ted hose and is going to light them all on fire as suggested by his rehab doc. HA! Brace for another month...

                        I think getting him into daily life activites is a good suggestion. Right now we are remodelling a portion of out home to make it more accessible for him to do that. He is comfortable in the kitchen etc. That will come as "space allows". I think seeing alot of sides of issues is beneficial and needed. Thanks for all the varying opinions.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Things are improving. Tonight is prom and I am so glad that he is going. He thinks it will be weird and I agreed with him it probably will be but YOU ARE GOING and that is awesome. I am going to talk to him about getting on-line here - I think it is just incredibly educationa, inspriational and realistic. I may post a photo of him after this big night. Wish I could be a fly on the wall, at least for a little while....

                          Comment

                          Working...
                          X