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    Naughty caregiver ... or not

    So this has been bugging me for a couple of weeks now and my GF is of no help as she thinks I'm making too much of it.

    A few weeks ago, I hired this Vietnamese guy to come in the morning and help me get ready for work. He's 33, speaks decent English and is very respectful with good manners. My routine every morning first involves him catheterizing me followed by a light sponge bath in bed of my lower extremities, my pubic, penis and the area between my legs. I shower twice a week and don't sweat, so I'm really clean, believe me.

    The problem I have is that when he's doing the sponge bath, he works my penis so much that I get a raging hard on. Now, I know that he's a neat freak (usually a good thing, right) but not knowing about this guy's sexual orientation, I wonder if he does this on purpose or what. None of my previous caregivers ever gave me a hard on with their work down there.

    I'm stuck as to what to say or do. I don't want to embarrass the guy as he's been real good and thorough. I know part of the problem involves me as I can get it up in a hurry (c-6 quad). I'd hate to accuse someone falsely and lose a good caregiver. Everyone knows how hard it is to find a good one these days but to put it bluntly, and I've told my GF this just to tease her, he gives me a hard on more frequently than she does.

    HELP! Am I being homophobic?

    #2
    I think if you feel uncomfortable, you need to say something... as soon as possible.

    He may not know that he's the cause... Or. If he does and he's intentionally doing it, it will let him knowthat it's not ok.
    An administrator made me remove my signature.

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      #3
      Do your own sponge bath bro. At C6 you should easily be able to do this w/o assistance, as well as cathing yourself. If you need tips on any of this stuff, ask away.

      Otherwise, I'm in agreement w/ Feisty here.

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        #4
        he works my penis so much that I get a raging hard on.
        C'mon Felieh.... admit it.... you're amongst friends. You can tell us. Being a bi or homosexual is nothing to be ashamed about. It's who you are. Take this opportunity to come out of the closet and tell us the truth about your sexual orientation.

        As long as your Vietnamese friend doesn't charge any extra for his services, I ask, what harm is really being done? Just lay back and enjoy it.

        Yes, I noticed that you twice indicated you had a GF. But it came across to me that you were being overly defensive when you wrote about her. Like I said, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

        "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." - Philo of Alexandria

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          #5
          See what he'll do for five dollar.........

          Seriously, like Scott said, at C6 you should be able to cath and wash your bits
          C5/6 incomplete

          "I assume you all have guns and crack....."

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            #6
            Have you had your GF come in and watch while he's bathing you? Perhaps she could pick up on something.
            _____________

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              #7
              Originally posted by felieh
              So this has been bugging me for a couple of weeks now and my GF is of no help as she thinks I'm making too much of it.

              A few weeks ago, I hired this Vietnamese guy to come in the morning and help me get ready for work. He's 33, speaks decent English and is very respectful with good manners. My routine every morning first involves him catheterizing me followed by a light sponge bath in bed of my lower extremities, my pubic, penis and the area between my legs. I shower twice a week and don't sweat, so I'm really clean, believe me.

              The problem I have is that when he's doing the sponge bath, he works my penis so much that I get a raging hard on. Now, I know that he's a neat freak (usually a good thing, right) but not knowing about this guy's sexual orientation, I wonder if he does this on purpose or what. None of my previous caregivers ever gave me a hard on with their work down there.

              I'm stuck as to what to say or do. I don't want to embarrass the guy as he's been real good and thorough. I know part of the problem involves me as I can get it up in a hurry (c-6 quad). I'd hate to accuse someone falsely and lose a good caregiver. Everyone knows how hard it is to find a good one these days but to put it bluntly, and I've told my GF this just to tease her, he gives me a hard on more frequently than she does.

              HELP! Am I being homophobic?

              That is why I would NEVER hire a guy to do care for me. I just feel too uncomfortable.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Scott Pruett
                Do your own sponge bath bro. At C6 you should easily be able to do this w/o assistance, as well as cathing yourself. If you need tips on any of this stuff, ask away.

                Otherwise, I'm in agreement w/ Feisty here.
                at c6, having someone give u a bath and cath u is pure laziness
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                  #9
                  Originally posted by fuentejps
                  at c6, having someone give u a bath and cath u is pure laziness
                  Good lord, fuente! Do you ever read your posts before you post them or is being an ass just something you enjoy? Scott made the same point without the "color commentary" ... maybe you could learn something.

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Davey
                    Good lord, fuente! Do you ever read your posts before you post them or is being an ass just something you enjoy? Scott made the same point without the "color commentary" ... maybe you could learn something.
                    I READ IT, AND MEANT IT.......no need to sugar coat things.......
                    Bike-on.com rep
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                    c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
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                      #11
                      Yeah, dude there is no way I would let a guy give me a hard on. I don't think it's about being homophobic at all and I'm sure if it was a girl giving you a stiffy then I'm sure your girlfriend would definitely have a different opinion on it. She wouldn't want another girl giving you a stiffy so why a guy?

                      I hated having a male nurse help me out while I was in the rehab hospital. It just didn't feel right having a guy touching my bits. When it was too busy I had no other choice though.

                      If I had no choice and I couldn't find anyone else I would have told him the first time not to scrub my rod to the point of a rock hard diggler. Who cares if he does a good job and is respectful, if you don't want someone doing something to you then you need to tell the person not to do it. Just tell him in a nice way that it kind of makes you uncomfortable when he gets you hard even though he is just making sure that your clean.

                      I let nurses in the rehab hospital push me around and tell me what to do for too long and then I lost it on them which I didn't like doing but it worked. Shit, before my accident I was telling people twice my age what to do in the oilfield occupation I was in. Like fuck I was going to let some over paid rude nurses that thought they were the bosses treat me like that. I was a mentally competent adult and quite capable of making my own choices. After that I seemed to get respect from them, to my face anyway, if they talked behind my back or thought I was a dick well too bad for them. I got what I wanted the way I wanted and that's the way it should be.

                      fuentejps, your opinion has nothing to do with sugercoating and everything to do with making yourself seem superior over others. We got it you can take great care of yourself for the level of injury you are and that's great but you aren't in his shoe's or anyone else's. I would love to be as physically strong as you are and I wish I was able to cath myself too but at the moment I can't and that sucks but I'm nowhere near lazy. So can you take in to consideration the feelings of the people asking for helpful information?

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                        #12
                        It's not aversion to sugar coating. It is attempt at validation to compensate for inadequacy.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I say go with your gut. I think it's trying to tell you something. I also think Marm's suggestion is good. Have your GF in the room next bath time and see if he still gets you "as clean". Personally, if someone made me that uncomfortable I'd just get rid of them. Whether he means anything "by it" or not, he makes you uncomfortable and THAT is what is most important. It does not matter if he has green eyes and something about green eyes creeps you out. It doesn't matter WHAT the reason is. He is paid to take care of your needs and NOT make you uncomfortable, for ANY reason. And also, think of this--sometimes a respectful attitude is a cover for something beneath the surface. Not all people who ACT nice, are ACTUALLY nice people. Just something to think about.

                          Northquad/Dave--nice post!

                          fuente--I like you a lot , but that post of your's hurts me. I have a friend who's level is C6 and he can't do a damn thing for himself yet. He's not lazy either. He's working his ass off, every day, to get better. Everybody's different.
                          "I just want you to know, it was the best time ever." J.F.F.

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                            #14
                            it is what it is.......it was my opinion, i said it and meant it.

                            wm, your correct , everyone is different. im assuming your buddy is newly injured, and w/ his hard work he will gain his independance.
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                            c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
                            sponsored handcycle racer

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                              #15
                              You need to follow your gut. I think we have more problems from trying to ignore our instincts. Instincts are some primordial sixth sense deal imo, don't try to logic them and ignore them at your peril.

                              Fuentes is pretty brutal but a lot of the time he's right. The more independence you scratch out the better you'll feel, we can all testify to that. Do your best. That's what you owe yourself.
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