Hi there, I am a private hire non-agency caregiver, no certification or special training. I've cared for a gal with quadriplegia for about 2 years, so I know how to do that kind of care. Took a hiatus from working to be a stay at home mom. Now I've recently phone interviewed with a man in his 40's who has quadriplegia. I thought I was good, but my first shift is tomorrow morning and I'm getting increasingly nervous about caring for a man. I know I need to communicate to him that I'm just going to need a lot of specific instruction about how to do things, but unsure how to word it or approach it. Please no judgement, I'm just human here. Any advice welcome.
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Every person has their own specific routine and preferences on how they like things done. Us quads can be pretty particular and I think most of us are pretty open on telling caregivers how we like things done. Just mention you have experience with quad care but you’ll need pointers on his specific preferences and routine -
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Is it the first time you've taken care of a male?
Who showed you the routine of your present patient? Did he try to walk you through it verbally? That never works.
It is infinitely better to have a present caregiver who knows this patient's routine show you the ropes so to speak. After all, much of it involves things not in the patient's field-of-view and/or requires hands-on demonstration. Not to mention checking, such as learning one's bowel routine.
To me, just learning my morning routine without the bowel routine can take half a dozen times under supervision to be confident. The bowel routine can take a dozen times, possibly even 15 to 20 before complete confidence is obtained.
That is why having several caregivers is key, so that they can help out with the training.
Also, you have negotiable and nonnegotiable ways of doing things. Sometimes a caregiver has a better way of doing something and the patient should be open to suggestions. However, there are things the caregiver may not know about or maybe unable or unwilling to do which, if they are not done, can have substantial, if not serious, health effects.
These are the nonnegotiables. A caregiver needs to realize that these must be done for a legitimate reason and if they are not, would constitute a reason for a mutual parting of the ways.Comment
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Hi there, thank you for your help! Well, yes, it was my first time with a male, and so my first time to need a hoyer lift. (I've cared for a lady w/ quadriplegia before, went great, was with her for 2 years). I'm in strong agreement with another caregiver being able to demonstrate some things. I do know, from previous experience, that strictly verbal instructions can be difficult to follow at times.
Bowel care went well, I was prepared. Guy got pretty frustrated with me on Hoyer, took me 3 tries to get sling lined up correctly. (Second time I did Hoyer, I got it right on first try). Washing/caring for man parts ended up being pretty simple.
I'm afraid I am still learning, though. I gave this fellow four shifts, which was our agreed-upon training-in/trial period. I decided I couldn't handle his temperament on a day-to-day basis, and that is just a limitation on my part. Apparently I can't handle men raising their voice to me.
I'm feeling a bit discouraged/uncertain about how to go forward. (I am non-agency, not certified). I imagine all we can do is learn, we are all just human.
Thanks for y'all's input, I do appreciate it. -
Don't give up! There are so many people with SCI/D out there who are desperately looking for PCAs. Just because you clashed with this man's personality is not a reason to give up. When I was hiring for my mother, my first priorities were dependability and trustworthiness, and willingness to learn. Suggest you post ads on NextDoor, as I see people often looking for PCAs there in my area. (KLD)
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Hi there, Yes ma'am, agreed. I imagine I took it for granted that I had such a good rapport with my first person w/ quadriplegia. (We became friends, hung out on the weekends, etc.). Of course, I don't expect that to be the case in every situation, I just expected it to go better than it did. What I really dislike is learning that there are things I'm not able or not willing to handle, such as certain personality types. Yes, I may look at NextDoor and get going with that. One of my challenges is that I live in a very rural area in Texas (my town has a pop. of 200), and so, the only people that need care are older individuals with dementia, etc. (which is also good, important caregiving work). I just got excited when this care for quadriplegia popped up, felt I had some skill there, and a heart for it. I do appreciate your advice and input. Much thanks.Comment
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I second that, please don't give up after that experience. Finding someone with a good heart that's willing to learn is hard, especially in rural areas where this kind of care is difficult to find to say the least. Everyone is different, so hopefully the next person you start a trial with will go much better. A lot of my current caregivers are similar to the situation you had with your last patient, we've become friends and they have spent time with me outside of their roles as my caregiver. Don't get me wrong, because we've been through a lot of caregivers over the years, especially at the beginning, but respect and speaking civil to people is important, so we understand the need to explain things politely. We try to show new people the routine and how to do things during trial periods, and try to work with them as much as possible. As others suggested, once we're used to certain routines, it's hard to break from them. I truly hope your next patient will be a better experience for you.Comment
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Agreed, and thank you for the encouragement.Comment
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Hi, I've been trying to get back into caregiving, had an experience that was not so great, felt discouraged. Last night I took this last-minute, one-time shift for a quad whose wife had to go out of town (wife does most of the caregiving).
Father-in-law was present, but evidently the FIL and client were both very uncomfortable w/ the prospect of FIL having to do bowel care. Ok. These ppl might be the most appreciative folks on the planet. FIL was soooo helpful teaching me how to do things, esp. w/ this fancy shower chair that is more advanced than the kind of shower chair I'm used to. Both super supportive in their efforts to teach a new person how to do things. FIL was trying to help w/ every little thing, I almost wanted to say, hey, I got this, y'all are paying me to do the work, but it was cool. Offered me a bottled water too. Client is 25 yo male, married his high school sweetheart, very sweet guy, 3 years post-injury. Super huge dude, 6'3", not skinny, but transfers went very well. Didn't expect young man to want to chat w/ middle-aged lady from the sticks (I am 40), but dude wanted to hear all about life on a farm, and I find myself explaining how my husband and I gave "physical therapy" to a dying heifer for like a month.
Ok. I could go on and on. Really sweet, supportive, appreciative family. All that to say--no, you absolutely do not have to do all that (chat, thank caregiver for every little thing, assist caregiver w/ tasks they are getting paid to do), but for me, as a caregiver, I found it very, very helpful for a current caregiver to be there showing new person how to do things. Also patience during training and a bit of appreciation do go a long, long way.
Also--I am learning a lot. FIL was very talkative, explained that he is living w/ them right now bc wife is exhausted w/ as much care as she's giving. They've been using caregivers through an agency and I was SHOCKED to learn how poor their care was. I guess I assumed that, sure, agencies are expensive, but you're getting certified, qualified, committed caregivers who give good care. Apparently not so. I learned everybody involved is taking a risk when a new hire comes on. FIL admitted he was pretty nervous about me coming and what kind of care I was going to give.
Ok, I feel for these folks. A person shouldn't have to sit on pins and needles wondering if the caregiver is going to follow instruction, hurt them, or make them feel bad about having a certain need. Holy hell. We are in Texas, btw, don't know if other states have more screening/monitoring of agency caregivers, etc.
I just live too far out to help fam on a regular basis, but agreed to be on-call person. Super great experience, felt useful and all. Thanks for reading long post.Comment
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You are a good person. I wish you were in Arizona.Comment
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Hi there sir. Thank you so much for the compliment. I have you fooled, lol. I've made plenty of mistakes in life. As it is, my challenge is finding someone close by to care for. (live in VERY rural Texas). Nothing but cows and older folks w/ dementia as far as the eye can see, lol. Caring for dementia folks is very good, important work, but my heart isn't there, first quad person I cared for was a great experience and it made me feel super purposeful. Since my mom passed in January, I've been at very loose ends w/ no one to care for and am going nuts. Thanks again for the compliment sir.Comment
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Oh and btw, smity50, you don't have to be complicated about this. All you have to do is buy a plane ticket, get over to Central Texas. I'll take care of the rest.
There's a beautiful property for rent near me, only $400 a month. Yes, I've lived there. The landlady is really sweet, just don't expect her to do anything when the toilet fails. The shower doesn't drain and the paneling of the walls are coming off in places. No big. The mice are really a non-issue. Just put out some cat food on the porch each evening so the feral cats will come. Yes, the city council has issued a no-feeding policy in town, to address the feral cat issue, but the policy is in no way enforced, so no worries there. If the cats become too much of a nuisance, I know a nice, middle-aged lady who has volunteered her husband to "take care of them." This service is free to anyone. I'll teach you how to kill the venomous snakes around here with a hoe. If you can't get the hang of that, I know a sweet 80-yr-old lady at church. She will kill anything at any time, all you have to do is ask.
I'll teach you about the locals, who's helpful and who's best to be avoided. The guy who gets around by driving his riding lawn mower in the ditch is cool. He just got too many DWI's, his license was revoked, so he gets around that way. It's "legal enough," and it's really a public service he's doing anyway, mowing the ditch at no charge, so don't judge. The guy with zebras in his pasture is kind of an ass, he's got loads of money, and the zebras are really just a flex move. He's kind of full of himself, so just don't get cornered by him at the feed store bc you'll be stuck listening to him talk about himself for awhile. He is still single surprisingly. About the feedstore: it closes at 6 pm, so if you don't get there before then, you're screwed. The nearest HEB is just 30 minutes away, so it's really no big deal unless you run out of cat food.
I'll debrief you on the language as well. "S/he's about as useful as tits on a boar hog" means the person is not a good worker, don't hire them. "It'll make a turd" means the food is not good, but it is in fact edible, it won't kill you.
It's all pretty simple around here, I mean it's real charming, and I offer all this special training for life in rural Texas at no additional charge. Think it over is all I'm saying. And you can't beat my homemade dewberry jelly.Comment
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Joke! Joke! I promise previous post was a joke! If I was trying to lure someone over here, I'd try to make the place sound more appealing. But yeah, we don't even have a Starbucks here. And when a kid scrapes their knee or something around here, a parent or grandparent is likely to say something like "Just put some dirt on it." So yeah, I get it. Apologies, my creative writing background got the better of me. If it's inappropriate, just delete, no hard feelings.Comment
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Loved the joke Natthe; welcome to our little forum here. We're more like family and here for each other.Comment
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I grew up in rural Louisiana so you just described home to me
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Since the topic of Arizona came up I was wondering if anybody knew of a good urologist in Phoenix I'm moving there next month."Some people say that, the longer you go the better it gets the more you get used to it, I'm actually finding the opposite is true."
-Christopher Reeve on his ParalysisComment
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