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  • Threats of suicide

    Have not posted in a long time. Honestly I feel bad posting because I feel like I do not contribute and just expect answers.

    My brother lives in South Carolina and he has been threatening suicide a lot lately. He says he plans on doing drugs until he dies. He has been smoking crack and taking a lot of pills lately. He never makes any sense. I am 1000 miles away. I can hardly read any of his texts or understand him. I feel like he has lost it.

    This is not his first stent with the hard drugs. He was off of them for a while and just got back on them. Honestly, he is a real mess. My mother pretty much enables him and helps him with EVERYTHING every single day. He is a user, an abuser, and a liar, cheater, thief etc. The problem is, he turned that way because of the drugs mostly. I mean, deep down he is not like that. He just couldn't handle being a para. He is t5 complete. 8 years in. 33 years old.

    My family is drained. They are tired of it. They are so sick every single day because of this. I keep telling people that drugs is way worse than being a para any day. I'd choose para over a fried brain..of course I am able bodied and can say that..guess you never know.

    Anyways. He is an adult. I can't force him to treatment. He is on medicare.

    How can I force him into a rehab? Can I? is there even a rehab for him? He will never choose to go willingly. Should I call cops next time he makes a threat? Should I tell his doctor about the threats? I am not very close to him, but can get that information from my mother.

    What are your thoughts?

    I tell my mother he needs to hit rock bottom. To stop helping him in any way etc...this was the past. . You see, now I believe it's coming. And at this point, is it time to step it up for the help? I mean it's been on and off for 8 years. It's so hard to keep caring.

    If anything, I need to vent. He lives a fucked up shitty horrible life - not because of the paralysis, but because of the drugs.

    He needs some help but I don't think I am the one for help. He needs help from a professional or something...but forced help. Otherwise he will end up killing himself.

    When I say he smokes crack, i mean he smokes crack often and to the extreme. Falls asleep on toilet, makes no sense, and stays up for days. He weights about 105 lbs at 5'10''. Lost a lot of weight lately.

    Thanks for allowing me to vent.
    WhatsAPro.com

  • #2
    At least in most states he can be held a minimum for 72 hours if he is deemed to be a threat to himself or others. Then they can evaluate him and make decisions. The bad part it getting it done in this economy, political environment, etc. but it can be done. Then there is the whole rehab thing. It will never work until he wants it to. The person has to want it, and want to do it. It's a long struggle for these people to get off the drugs. It takes more than just getting off them for a few weeks or months. It's a serious fight for most for a very long time, and then it still can be tempting even if they get pretty settled. And getting clean is only part of it. Counseling for him and all involved in his addictions will also be needed. Most people that enable him will say that he has the problem, so if he quits they are good. Most likely not. Enablers are sometimes as much of a problems as the addict. As for contributing. You are. There is someone out there that is reading your post and saying, that's me, or that's my family member. They read the replies. It makes people think. So always share. Some wont like what you say, ( I know some don't like what I say, but I also know others do ) so don't worry about it. Do what you have to do for your sanity, or you may wind up doing what your brother is doing. He's hurting. Kinda expected, but he also has to face it, because it is not going to change, and as near as I can tell, it's better here enjoying what we can then being dead.

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    • #3
      I'm sorry your family is going through this. Honestly, your poor, poor mother. Understandable that she wants to take care of him .. but she is part of this problem. First you need an intervention with a qualified person and everyone who he has hurt needs to be there - he needs to leave so arrangements need to be made ASAP. Either a hospital or a homeless shelter.

      "He is a user, an abuser, and a liar, cheater, thief etc." No, but his disease certainly is. In order to maintain your sanity and it's very difficult, I recommend separating his disease from who he is (deep down, etc).

      You need a Justice of the Peace (not sure what your equivalent is from Canada to the US) to 'form him.' That 72hr thing .. if he can't help himself after that, you've done all you can.

      I'm not going to get into anymore more because that is your only option at this point. Your mother and yourself will suffer - the longer this is allowed to continue.

      I wish you well.
      Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

      T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

      Comment


      • #4
        Commitment from state to state is different. A county clerk's office at a courthouse should be able to direct you to the correct court for this. Then the clerk of that court can tell you how to proceed. In most cases your brother will be given an advocate to present his side even for a 72 hour stay not immediately preceded by a suicide attempt.

        From what you have said about your Mom I assume he lives with her or they see each other daily. She'll probably prefer the following to "he's an addict". Call her and tell her that if he should try to commit suicide that when she calls 911 and they ask the problem to say it is attempted suicide. This will help the hospital keep him 72 hours. They will also ask her to bag all possible meds he took. Tell her to bag up everything she thinks may be part of it including the illegal stuff. Check household trash not yet bagged up too. If they want to do an intervention and he agrees to inpatient rehab then check your city services directory for disposing of pharmaceuticals safely. There should be a drop off point for illegal drugs where anything can be dropped anonymously even if that drop off is located in a police station.

        Good luck and as the others have said, this is an addiction that is up to your brother to deal with. You can help listen once he's clean and support him but you cannot fix this for him.
        Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

        Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't have a lot of pity or tolerence for the life your brother has chosen. There are lots of sad stories in the world..and lots of reasons for despair..not just paralysis. Yet, there are people who consistently prove that you can rise above troubles and become a strong, contributing member of society. Truthfuly, it's going to be a long haul for him if he chooses to pull out of this lifestyle. Chances are, he will not make that choice. I understand the need of the family to do whatever is possible and the other posters have given some good suggestions. Whatever you do, please remember that your family is a victim of his behavior...especially your mom. You all deserve to live happy lives and not be sucked into the hell that is drug abuse. I'd also suggest individual or family counseling to help you through this. There's a lot of guilt that happens in situations like these and, unfortunately, that guilt is rarely felt by the person that should bear it, but is born by the innocent loved ones. Protect yourself and your mother.

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          • #6
            Can't add much to what is above except to say that you and your mother would both benefit from attending some Nar-Anon meetings...

            (KLD)
            The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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            • #7
              WhatsAPro, Still think your not contributing??

              Comment


              • #8
                Im living in south Carolina.

                they started a drug program for use of suboxone in 2009. I got one of my kids into it. what I did was just tell her id do anything to help her get into a rehab. and I told her how much I missed her being her. I asked her if she ever felt good, or had any joy at all, and she didn't. I ended having to leave our state, because no one would rent to me with my income, but before I left, she couldn't get any drugs, and went into heavy heroin withdrawal. I got her into a rehab, which she left after a month. well she showed up at my door one day, and she did get into a program here, and she was living in another state. she is still clean, and finally has a good life again. it took a lot of work on her part. If his family gives up on him, he will die. im not saying they should enable him. they might find a program for him though, and show him its an option as easy as saying, take me to rehab now. that is what I did. it almost didn't work, but it actually did work. He may not get his old self back for 2-3 years. it took that long to see my daughter emerge again. she's not the same as before she was a heroin user, but she is herself again, and she is alive and well. she has had to address a lot of issues. I cant agree that drugs are worse than being a para.

                drugs and being a para is hardly being at all. I found the program by looking online and calling every rehab, and program in the phone book. Maybe that three days evaluation would be enough to get him to try a rehab, and a duel treatment program. I can tell you, it isn't easy to find care for sci here in south Carolina, people stare with their mouths open when they see a gimp in public. something very strange to me.

                Iv never lived in such a racist, place, or a place with such antiquated sci care. there is a good center in Greenville and in Columbia for care, but they dug test, so he would be subject to that if were to go there. he needs his family not to give up. since he is not in control of his mind and seems to have a death wish, he is a danger to himself, and may be to others. that can get him at least evaluated to see if he is capable of making his own decisions. if he isn't, He's in for thirty days, if he is suicidal. a mental hospital is a good place to start rehab. he would at least be fed, and you would know where he is. put him in if that's what it takes.

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                • #9
                  The New Year would be AWESOME to start this .. plus it's an even year so it would be lucky. (My silly superstition .. I will never buy a car if it's an odd year. Yes, I am an idiot).
                  Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

                  T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Many states now do home commitments where the person goes home after 72 hours and a RN or a social worker delivers the patients' meds daily and watches them swallow them. It takes a circuit court judge, 2 physicians and a family member or guardian to commit a person to a mental health facility that the state then pays for in most states. Home commitments rarely call for drug tests but can call for blood tests to evaluate any problems with court ordered doctor approved medications. Most states health care budgets can't handle the care they provided back in the 1960s and 1970s so they cut mental health facilities first.

                    Sometimes it takes the family giving up on a drunk or addict to have them hit bottom and want back up. Then having their name on a drug rehab waiting list can help but allowing them to continue to use in a relatives home including Moms is enabling.
                    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

                    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      AND... January 1st is the first New Moon on New Years Day in nineteen years. All good portents!
                      Don - Grad Student Emeritus
                      T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hey whatsa, what a horrible situation. All you can do is hope he pulls himself out of it, sadly, if he dies because of his lifestyle there is little anyone can do. You could go all "Doctor Phil" on his ass and have an intervention and all of that?.
                        "The problem with self improvement is knowing when to quit." "Diamond" David Lee Roth.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I'm an alcoholic/addict and a T12 para (30 &18years). There is another guy nearby who's got long term sobriety and three years T5. We are north central NJ if you are near.
                          I am grateful to be an alcoholic and, lately, I am realizing that without the experiences of being paralyzed, my life might not have been so satisfying. My life is extraordinary and exceeds the expectations I had even before my injury.
                          There's not much you and mom can do until he's willing or he crosses a line that brings consequences that might turn him (suicide attempt & confinement/rehab?).
                          The best way to deal with an addict is to take care of yourselves, get off the co-dependent merry-go-round, and let go of him. Becoming involved in regular alanon or narcanon meetings is a good start. In AA it is said "we are a program of attraction, not promotion", and this is powerfully true. When you two take your power back (he is living in your heads rent-free and destroying your serenity at minimum), and begin to detach with love, you will learn how wounded and sick you have become, and how to nurture yourselves and get YOUR needs met, set healthy limits, and let your brother take responsibility for HIS life.
                          When you learn how to do that, you will start to look a lot better. And your brother may notice this also. Seeing your recoveries will make his own look like a possibility.
                          OR, he may die of his disease. This is the ugly truth about addiction, but enabling him is no good option. You are hurting him.You can't control him, only give him the space to recover in if he chooses. Google local alanon meetings and attend. Say that you're doing it for him until you're doing it for yourself. Spend time with people just like you. Your problems are not unique. You will find comfort and support that you've never experienced before and your life will improve. I promise
                          Phil

                          PM me if you like
                          69yo male T12 complete since 1995
                          NW NJ

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