Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

T4 injury, what can they do?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    T4 injury, what can they do?

    I hate that it seems when ever I turn to CC I am complaining. My husband has a complete T4 injury.
    He works a desk job 30 hours a week to get health insurance for our family.
    I take care of the home and our 3 kids.
    Tonight I was taking out the garbage from the kitchen and asked him to take his garbage from his bathroom. His reply to me was "I cant!"
    Really? I know people that are paras live on their own. So does someone come to their home and empty their garbage, do their laundry, grocery shopping, everything else?
    I feel terrible complaining because I know his life is difficult, painful and tiring but I dont know if I am strong enough to do it all.

    #2
    You guys have 3 kids & it's the first time you've asked him to take out the garbage? He's spoiled.
    ____________________

    "We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
    - Barack Obama

    Comment


      #3
      Trust me... he can take out the garbage and more! My hubby is a T level complete injury and does alot around the house. I still do the laundry tho... LOL!

      Comment


        #4
        Tagging ability to injury level can be a trap and is not always a fair bench mark for what a person is capable of doing - my husband Bill is T5 complete and is certainly able to take out the trash. Given the right circumstances he most certainly could live independantly if he had to - but most of all his time would be spent attending to his basic bodily needs and adl's. I've always suspected when a facility releases someone to go home after rehab whether there is someone there to help "care" for the individual is a strong factor and it's when bad habits are formed because it's just easier for the other person to do it. Bottom line is your hubby is probably perfectly capable of doing almost everything he could do before (except for the obvious physical/out of reach situations) it just takes longer and will be a more cumbersome event. The trick is not to get sucked in to that whole scenario because in the long term resentment will build and he will become needy and will have no confidence or pride in what he is able to do.

        Having access to continuing rehab or an exercise/sports program designed specific to sci makes a huge difference in motivating someone to challenge themselves to become the best they can be. Had we had the opportunity and financial wherewithal for Bill to participate in some of these programs early in his injury it would have made a significant impact on his attitude and confidence. Geographic location and family support were also part of the equation - so I guess what I'm saying is it comes down to making some hard choices and what works for you and your entire situation.

        Just know the piper will always need to be paid down the line at some point. The hardest part of learning to live with Bill's injury was letting go so "he" could learn to live with it ..... if it took him longer (and it always did) then so be it - even after almost 12 years it's till hard. But now you have us to lean on ....... so just do it ..... we're good listeners and almost always available ....

        Obieone
        ETA - complaining = sharing/venting ..... no need to explain or apologize ... ever .... not in this forum anyhoo
        Last edited by Obieone; 2 Aug 2010, 8:39 AM.
        ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


        " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
        Jane Siberry

        Comment


          #5
          Robbie is also a T4 complete and I struggle with this daily...I have always been the person who feels "its easier if I do it myself" and that mindset has really become a problem now. At home I do most everything for Robbie, it is quicker and easier. When we are out somewhere I see how much he really can do for himself. He is 15 so a big part of this is showing off at rehab or in public. He is going to be playing adaptive sports so Im hoping that will help.

          I need to make big changes over the next month as school is starting and he is going back for the first time since his injury, he will need to be up early, dressed and out without me.

          Newbee...dont beat yourself up, talk to your hubby using "I" terms. Instead of "YOU should do more" say "I feel tired.....

          Comment


            #6
            Taking the trash out (without any adaptive tricks) probably means putting the trashbag on your lap and wheeling it outside.

            Pre-injury there is no circumstance in which I would have put a trash bag on my lap, for some reason the bottoms of them are always wet.

            If you get crud on your hands and then push the rims, you get dirt and diseases all the way round your rims. Then you have to go do an IC and worry about what you need to wash more thoroughly than usual.


            Of course, if he has a dedicated meal tray to put in his lap and then put the bag on it...then thats a way round it.

            The thing is, that he works full time. Its not like he's being completely useless. Carrying the trash out from a chair is not a fun job. It's right in your face as you push too.

            I dunno what the dynamic between you two is like, but this is not a fun job from a chair. Does he do other jobs? I"m assuming he does since this is the only one you have picked out to complain about?

            Comment


              #7
              good point Mark, I would not want my son to have a bag of trash on his lap if someone else is home and able to take it out.

              not sure if this post is really about trash though....sounds like there may be other issues which is why hearing "I can't" is frustrating.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by SharonD View Post
                good point Mark, I would not want my son to have a bag of trash on his lap if someone else is home and able to take it out.

                not sure if this post is really about trash though....sounds like there may be other issues which is why hearing "I can't" is frustrating.
                Sure...sounds like it to me too. I'm just kinda making the point that I work full time, provide for 2 non-working adults and a 16 year old child. I love doing all the jobs that I can do (mow the yard, pick up after myself with dishes and clothes, keep my bathroom cleaned etc). But one job that I am very thankful is done for me is taking out the trash. I have tried it, and it is not fun as the plastic bag spills out of your lap and tears open on the wheels and puts trash over you. If I lived on my own it would just be one of those crappy jobs that I'd do, and I'd probably use some kind of tray to carry the bag.....but I definately appreciate having others do it instead....

                Comment


                  #9
                  No he does not do anything to contribute to the home except his job and insurance. I asked him to take out his bathroom garbage, not the kitchen garbage. I do his laundry and leave the folded things on his bed to put away but that is it.
                  I just asked him to put his garbage in the garage because I was taking all the others out and the recycling and dragging them to the street for pick up the next day.
                  I hate it when he says "I cant" we have met Chris Wardell that just climbed Mt kilimanjaro. We have a friend that travels the world on his own playing tennis.
                  I know I have enabled him. I know it is easier for me to take out the trash but I am taking out 3 garbages and 2 recyceling getting the kids ready for bed, cleaning up after the dog.
                  I would like to leave and give him the chance to survive on his own. He is very capable.
                  His joy in life is target shooting. He was going out one morning with friends and I came to check on him. The whole back of his subaru wagon was filled to the top with guns, amo, targets, scopes, tables, big heavy metal stuff that he did all on his own.
                  I dont understand why when it is something he wants to do he can do it but if I need one trash bag thrown into the garage i get the response "I cant?"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    O and this year he hired a lawn boy so I dont have to mow the lawn to.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Word Mark and Sharon .......

                      I will confess in my fervor to let Bill "do it" I forget about the sometime not so obvious logistics of doing the more mundane household chores. I guess it comes down to common sense - seeing it from waist level view and not having two hands available. Of course learning to be creative does help - for example Bill has become an accomplished swiffer/vaccumer (which I thank the gods for because we have 2 cats and a dog) and does so on a daily basis or we'd be drowning in pet dander ...... now ... it's a methodical and fairly slow moving process but it gets done and done well so we go about our business while it is accomplished as does he and life is good.

                      But I completely understand the do it myself mentality Sharon - letting go is crucial to a persons sanity survival. It will get done - maybe not quite the way you'd do it .. but done none the less .... it's actually quite liberating once accepted ..... leaving more time for other things !!

                      Obie
                      ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                      " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                      Jane Siberry

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by newbee View Post
                        I dont understand why when it is something he wants to do he can do it but if I need one trash bag thrown into the garage i get the response "I cant?"
                        I have to admit that I am a little guilty of this too......its called being lazy. My wife will tell you that I can load my ATV up ramps on to a truck and climb down from the top of the truck back to my chair, but fail to load the dishwasher.

                        One thing you should do is leave for a week. My wife frequently has to go back to MS; she left for a week just recently, and I survive quite well on my own. I definately appreciate all she does for me though, and try not to take her for granted.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          One thing....when he's not around try taking out the trash yourself in his spare chair (if he has one). If it's easy, its easy. If its hard, then it's hard.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            It sounds like your issues go way beyond a bag of garbage, and it is hard to know how to call it since your husband IS working full time, but physically could certainly do more. I am a much higher level than he is and manage to take care of myself mostly. Garbage, as Mark said, is not one of the better tasks done in a sitting position. There is nothing like having nice clean clothes on and then having to ride the garbage in your lap.......eww. It is the one task I routinely designate to others. When I have company I almost always ask them to throw the trash in the dumpster on their way out. If they are not here I do it myself, but am glad when I can get someone else to do it. It really sounds like the two of you need to have an honest talk, and perhaps to remember that what he might be able to do on any particular day shouldn't be written in stone if on another day he is in pain or incredibly fatigued. I don't see any reason at all that he couldn't be helping with the laundry, doing dishes, and food prep since those are nice clean tasks.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              What kind of work does your husband do? Could it be that he is exhausted from work and he is trying to conserve his energy? It could be that the target shooting avocation is what keeps him 'sane' and that what keeps him going. It sounds like you need more help, how old are your kids? Can they take out the garbage. I have tried taking out the kitchen garbage from a chair and dragged it leaving a wet trail of coffee grounds on the floor !

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X