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    Am I able to?

    I think I am posting this in the right place.

    Last week we have started having an aide come for when my mom goes back to work. They have sent me 3 different girls and one of them I don't like at all, her attitude is terrible she acts like she hates her job and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its like when I ask for something its this huge inconvenience for her to do it. Am I able to request she doesn't ever come? The two times she has been here it has put me in a terrible mood all day. I feel bad for wanting to do that but why should I compromise my happiness because she doesn't like her job? Am I able to do that?
    the future takes a second to be...
    so close your eyes..
    and feel what is happening.

    #2
    You are paying for it and they are employees and if your not satisfied contact the agency and get somebody your cornfortable with and are satisfied with there service. Also, keep in mind that they need to be dependable and understand your needs as you rely on them. Don't settle!

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      #3
      Most of the time I am very happy with the girls they have sent. They are very nice and helpful and they help my mom understand a lot of things. This girl though, she would sit down and read or study or whatever and if I asked for anything she would be like "hang on" or "in a minute" then when she did finally do what I asked she would go to the kitchen fill a cup up or whatever it was I asked for, set it on my tray ALWAYS forgot a straw and when I asked for one she would sigh and roll her eyes at me. If there was anyone I ever wanted to run over since I have been in this chair its her! And yet I feel guilty for it!
      the future takes a second to be...
      so close your eyes..
      and feel what is happening.

      Comment


        #4
        You bet Raf, kick her to the door. One of the main things we learn in gaining independence is to be able to manage caregivers and the organiztions that send them. I know people that would get a different caregiver everytime. This meant training each one on your particular needs. Basically, he was training the CG's for the organization.

        You must be firm on who comes into your life to do the tasks necessary. Once a person is more established, they usually hire their own private caregiver. It makes life much easier and is much much cheaper.

        Keep track of your meds and valuables as you don't know these people at all. I'm sure you'll hear horror stories here from those who didn't take action and let whomever do the caregiving by CG's sent to them from agencies.

        Looks like you and your mom are really on top of it. Way to go. Is your mom with any support group or? If not, my group has a great caregiver outreach run by the mother of a 19 yr. old paragirl. She needs to learn so much also. If you want her address pm me.

        Comment


          #5
          Oh heck yes you can! You have a right to request someone else instead of her and her attitude. Sarah has had the same aide for almost a year - and we are lucky. She has become like part of our family. Now I must say, we have struggled more on the nursing side than I would have ever expected. The actual owner of the agency is now the only nurse that comes to see Sarah. Finally everyone is on the same page. Sarah is not so easy to get close to and it has taken a long time. They know that they can not make any quick changes in her care.

          You want someone that you are comfortable with to start with. This person needs to totally understands your needs and is willing to be there when you need them. It is truly an adjustment but if they are not available to you, then they are useless. Call and have a chat with someone at the agency and make sure that they know what you are looking for in an aide. This is all about you.

          Comment


            #6
            Mom has been going to her support group once a week. She has more trouble with what I am going through that I seem to. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of weak moments, just don't choose to share them with my mom, it would make things far worse on her. She has been getting close with another mother who has a son who broke his neck in a motorcycle accident. He doesn't live near us anymore though.
            I think we are going to check into having just one aide. Start that process because I feel weird every time a new person comes. I want what Sarah has. I think it would just be easier that way.
            the future takes a second to be...
            so close your eyes..
            and feel what is happening.

            Comment


              #7
              I agree that it would be easier. For all of you knowing that the person that will be there with you is the same and will be there every day. It will allow you to get a routine with the aide too. Sarah's aide knows when to wake her up and when to let her sleep - she knows her personality. Her aide now even takes her out to eat and shopping on her own time. They have built a good bond. It has helped me a lot and has given Sarah some freedom without me always being there. Set your standards and do not sway. They will help you find the right person.

              We take Sarah to SCI-Step in Mason Ohio each week and that is my therapy too. I love her being there and they are great people. It makes me feel more at ease knowing that she does not have to feel alone. Sarah does not know anyone else in the Columbus area that has a SCI.

              Comment


                #8
                When my daughter first returned home, we had aids coming to our home at various times (we were eligible for so many hours/week so we tried to divide it up among times so I could run errands and her sister could go out with her friends) and at first we had 3-4 different aids each week.

                There was one caregiver who was really sweet to Kaitlyn and eventually we made a request to the agency to have her as often as possible, and they obliged. I'm sure they would be equally as accomodating if I had requested she not come back.

                Comment


                  #9
                  You have rights and choosing your own caregiver is one of them. Be sure and give everyone a chance. I have always ran my own ads and then had the agency sign up the people I want to hire.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Mom is doing research right now on costs of having one and different places to find one. We are allowed 6 hours a day right now through the agency. And also calling the agency to see if we can get the one girl more often because I like her a lot.
                    the future takes a second to be...
                    so close your eyes..
                    and feel what is happening.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Is there someone at the agency that you work with directly? I think you can tell them you would rather not have her. We don't have an agency in our area that will take my husband, so it gets a little touchy.
                      One of the hardest things for us was getting used to different people coming and going and needing help with such intimate things.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Just wanted to say I agree w/ you, in many ways it is more difficult on the loved ones of the person w/ sci than then injured person. ESPECIALLY parents, and moms take a real whupping imo. It's hard to see a loved one suffer, it's always hard to see your kid hurt or sick. When you're the injured one, there is so much to learn and to do, and we set about doing it, fully concentrated on the process. Our mom or whomever has to watch the slow, clumsy process that used to be simple.

                        Just an example, getting dressed when you are newly injured. It takes everything you have, and ridiculous amounts of time, to dress yourself. You are completely focused on it. But our loved ones see it as a constant struggle although when you are in the middle of doing it, you probably aren't thinking of it that way at all. You are thinking Do this, then this, then this, even if step 1 takes 6 tries. The person watching is gritting their teeth, trying not to interrupt and do it for you in a fraction of the time and energy. Every time you try again is like physical pain for the loved one observing, when at most, to you, it is probably just mildly frustrating the last 2 tries. And EVERY darned thing takes 6 tries!

                        It's even worse at the beginning because you don't have any of those skills fine tuned yet.

                        Believe it or not, everything gets much easier and faster, as you adapt, learn new skills and possibly get some return of function w/ the passage of time.

                        At last this is what I've always noticed, and what I feel when my ab kid is sick or injured. So in short, Raf, I think you're right-in many ways this is harder for your mom. It is perceptive and compassionate for you to realize that!
                        Blog:
                        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Well I can't imagine being a mother and having to go through what she has. From them first telling her I died on the table then they got me back and the next 2 weeks after that. And now dealing with my recovery and seeing me struggle.
                          I remember when I was very young and every bump and bruise affected my mom as I would cry. In my life my family has been very close and even closer now. I realized I didn't want my relationship with my mother to change so I went ahead with the move to my aunts house, which in turn hurt my moms feelings because she thought I didn't want to be with her. When in all actuality it was because I love my mother so much I didn't want to start resenting her because I would be around her so very much as it was.
                          I think her going back to work is a good thing. I love my mother but as moms do sometimes, she gets on that last nerve even if its her just trying to help. Right now I still need major amounts of help with everything. Having her around has been a complete blessing and the evenings we take off and she goes home have helped ease the tension of her always being by my side. It's even hard for her to let the aide do things because she wants to do them.
                          I owe my mother the world without her I wouldn't be me and I could never do this, my strength comes from her and I make sure I tell her that nearly every day.
                          Thanks for all the thoughts and comments. I really do appreciate them.
                          the future takes a second to be...
                          so close your eyes..
                          and feel what is happening.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I see so many new sci's take out their anger and frustration on their moms. It gives me a warm fuzzy to hear you be appreciative, realistic and moving forward instead of regressing.
                            Blog:
                            Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              My son definitely takes out his anger and frustration on me. I am the one who is always here, I am the one making him stick to his schedule, take his meds, helping him get dressed, cleaning up after accidents, get to PT, meet with his tutor. But I am also weaker than the men in his life so he gets scared and frustrated when I cant help him into the car or assist him off the couch...we've had a few scary incidents. Sometimes we are able to laugh it off but not always, we've gone at it a few times since his injury.

                              I left my job to stay home with him for awhile, not forever, I miss that interaction very much and my own life.. but I will be back in the working world soon enough. I dont have any regrets but sometimes this is VERY challenging.

                              I'll take my whining to the caregivers forum...thanks for listening and understanding.

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