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  • #16
    I soo feel your pain. I wish I had the answers but it wasn't too long ago that I had to refinance everything, I had over 20,000 in credit card bills. That was from meds, modifications, equipment, etc. that David needed. What are you supposed to do? You need it and the plastic is there. Fortunately I had enough equity in the house that I was able to refinance everything and get it all on the mortgage. Davids family has never once offered anything. My family has offered and I have asked but it is always paid back.

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    • #17
      Thank you ... thank you for your responses .... it seems to have struck a chord with many of you !

      I spend some of my time day dreaming and imagining what I would do if I had money to share knowing what I know now ...... I do believe I would actively seek out those in need and simply give no questions asked .... anonymously . My sister once gave us some money when I asked for some help a few years ago .... they have been very blessed in their life financially .... it was so amazing ... her only question was where to drop off the cheque ... not a single other question .... just a hug to go with.

      I do understand the philosophy of earning and appreciating and not taking for granted ..... its been the story of my life ... not much has come easy for me/us ... although to be fair we have had one or two freebies and man that was nice !! Everyone in our family works ... I am happy to say we managed to instill a strong work ethic in all our kids (it's the spending part that needs a little work )

      Ironically enough I work in a bank and have broken every rule I knew .... but its funny what you'll do to survive .. even with my drug program the copay still adds up !

      I really appreciate you taking the time to respond ..... I don't know what I'm going to do yet ..... has anyone had any experience with credit council ling ????? exactly what is it they do ?????? do you pay them or do they take a cut ????

      Obie
      ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


      " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
      Jane Siberry

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      • #18
        Joyce, ouch.

        We had a few years of living off savings, plus his dad paid for the first year or so of PT that our insurance didn't cover. I remember the conversation very well . . . we sat down with them at our kitchen table and went through a budget. We could afford everything except the PT ourselves, and so he just said to send him the bills. I did, and never gave it another thought -- but part of that was knowing he could afford it.

        Nobody in my own family had anything to offer, and I wouldn't have dreamed of asking them.

        A huge gift, and a life lesson for me. That's how you help family with money. You find out their situation and then you offer what you can, no strings and no bullshit.

        Two years post, I went to work in a Starbuck's for the benefits (offered to all part time employees) because our monthly insurance premium was more than the mortgage on our house. Unlike Bill, he was able to get back to work after about 3 years, so -- at least for now -- it's okay again.

        It sounds like you're talking about an ongoing deficit of the kind we had in the beginning . . . is that right?

        God, I'm so sorry it's like this!

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        • #19
          Well... Joyce... let's see... I asked my mom for money once (I was desperate) and was turned down. I was so mad that we didn't speak for 3 years, which I really regret. I borrowed money years ago from my brother (who is very wealthy) and paid it back quickly. But I must say the relationship was never the same. Sooo... that's my 2 cents. Luckily... Don had insurance when he was hurt and is also covered at the VA so I count us very lucky.
          My thoughts are with you...

          Sieg

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          • #20
            Yes ..... you and kate nailed it .... no strings and no bullshit ... we had similar situations in the early days as well .. from people who I never would have imagined and who had no vested interest in our well being what so ever ... it was such a comfort ... I pray to pay it forward someday ... with all my heart ...

            Obie
            (I admit to buying the odd lottery ticket .... a girls' gotta dream !!)



            Originally posted by LindaT View Post
            I was thinking about this today Obieone. I wish someone would just offer to help you with no strings. Money is the most touchy thing with friends and relatives.
            When Dave was in rehab and I was staying with him there I had no idea what was going to happen with finances. One of my cousins who I know does not have a lot sent me $20 several times and told me to buy some good food. The whole time I was there no one in his family even asked if I needed food money etc. I will never forget that.
            ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


            " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
            Jane Siberry

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            • #21
              Obie, there has been a lot of great input here, especially from McDuff.

              I can't add anything except to say that I think credit counseling organizations are non-profit, and they get at least some funding from the creditors themselves because they would rather people make deals to pay back than to file bankruptcy leaving the banks/creditors with nothing. You shouldn't have to pay for credit counseling, I don't think.

              Best of luck! I'm sure you'll figure it out.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Scorpion View Post
                Obie, there has been a lot of great input here, especially from McDuff.

                I can't add anything except to say that I think credit counseling organizations are non-profit, and they get at least some funding from the creditors themselves because they would rather people make deals to pay back than to file bankruptcy leaving the banks/creditors with nothing. You shouldn't have to pay for credit counseling, I don't think.

                Best of luck! I'm sure you'll figure it out.
                Credit counseling does make you pay a fee--non-profits do have to pay bills as well. In this crap economy, many credit companies have been stacking on fees and not paying off the creditors. It has become an area of real fraud. If the debt is too high, credit counseling will not accept you.

                I am not saying credit counseling is bad--just that you need to choose carefully. It is not a quick fix.
                Every day I wake up is a good one

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                • #23
                  Clark Howard and Dave Ramsey host TV and Radio Consumer Counseling Programs. They can also be found online at Clarkhoward.com or Daveramsey.com They offer advice and steps to take for dealing with credit cards, debt and the new rules/laws regarding credit cards. All of Clark's materials are free I believe, some of Dave's stuff is free but then you are "encouraged" to buy his book/program. People have found success with both programs.

                  I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation. We have experienced tough times because of medical expenses too, we were helped one month by the Salvation Army. I wish you the best..
                  The IceDragon Avatar best represents my constant Freezing yet Burning Pain...not to mention all the other sensations that come with neuro pain

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by cheesecake View Post
                    Credit counseling does make you pay a fee--non-profits do have to pay bills as well. In this crap economy, many credit companies have been stacking on fees and not paying off the creditors. It has become an area of real fraud. If the debt is too high, credit counseling will not accept you.

                    I am not saying credit counseling is bad--just that you need to choose carefully. It is not a quick fix.
                    The fee structure and the guidelines for credit counselling agencies might be quite different in Canada than the US though. In Canada it looks like the credit counselling fees are waived if you can't pay them.

                    http://www.creditcounsellingcanada.c...2/Default.aspx

                    Obie I had a family member who got themselves way in over their head with credit card debt while a student and had no means to realistically pay it off ever because the interest was spiralling out of control and just putting her further and further in the hole. It looked like the only option was personal bankruptcy. The credit counselling agency advised against bankruptcy and worked with her to first negotiate with the credit card company to forgive a giant chunk of the interest due and to also accept a reasonable payment schedule for the remaining debt.

                    I agree with cheese cake that it isn't a quick fix. It still took my family member many years to clear the debt. But she was able to at least get the payments down to the point where it was feasible to pay them off. As well the credit counselling place was able to stop the collection agency calls and help her with money management skills so overall it was a positive thing. I don't know your personal circumstances but I definately would say look into credit counselling if credit card payments and other debt are causing a financial hardship.

                    I wish I could offer more by the way of advice. Sending good thoughts your way.

                    Edit: Try this link as well
                    http://www.nomoredebts.org/

                    My family member didn't pay for her credit counselling. This may have been the agency she used, I will ask.
                    Last edited by orangejello; 04-01-2010, 11:40 AM.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by cheesecake View Post
                      Credit counseling does make you pay a fee--non-profits do have to pay bills as well.
                      Ah, well, I was going on what I heard years ago, but I do understand that non-profits have bills, too; I just remembered hearing that they were funded by creditors, not consumer fees. Maybe it's both, depending on the agency and one's financial situation.

                      According to the NFCC (National Foundation of Credit Counselors), at least in the U.S., some can get free counseling.

                      What do NFCC Members charge for counseling services?
                      It varies depending on the support for each member and state laws, but the majority of these services are provided at no or low cost to clients.
                      Fortunately, according to OJ and CreditCounselingCanada.ca, Canada has some agencies that offer services for free, depending on ability to pay.

                      Is there a fee for your service?
                      Answer > CCC member agencies are required to provide services at no cost when the individual/family is unable to pay. All services are provided at no cost or low cost and must be fully disclosed to consumers prior to receiving service.
                      ETA: Sorry, I see OJ already provided the second link.

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                      • #26
                        A few years ago my son was in a pickle with credit cards. He was a student and thought he would be able to pay it back. There is a local reputable non profit agency that helped him.
                        He paid a small fee every month which was well worth it. The agency was able to reduce the interest and negotiate to stop the late and overlimit fees that made up a large part of the balance. He would receive a statement every month showing how his payment to the agency was applied and the lowering balance on the cards. It took 3 years. Knowing the collection agencies would not be calling and not having to dread the mailbox was a relief.
                        There are a lot of places that call and offer to reduce rates for a fee or advertise. They take advantage of people in desperate situations. Beware of these.

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                        • #27
                          Sorry for your troubles Obie.

                          I'm not sure if credit counseling is the way to go but it would probably be worth the exercise to have an objective opinion sit down and provide you with some ideas, options or considerations.

                          Having worked in finance for 18yrs and having seen probably every possible scenario available the recurrent theme is that it seems, to the debtor, to be an impossible problem to dig out of. Generally, this is not true . With a plan and 100% commitment (no fudging with lottery tickets ) there is probably a reasonable and workable solution if family doesn't become an option.

                          If it is done through family with a loan or similar arrangement my suggestion is to draw up a contract and stick to the terms. Borrowing the money doesn't typically cause the uncomfortable family dynamics it's the not paying it back that does.

                          Good luck.

                          Onward and upward.

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                          • #28
                            I appreciate so much your support everyone - my situation is complicated by the fact that ... hello ... I work in a bank .. and there are codes of conduct and policies that must be adhered to as an employee - its all so humiliating. I'm supposed to know better .

                            At any rate you've all been great as usual with your advice and kind words - I feel no shame .. well maybe a little shame .. I never ever took advantage (or even had the thought cross my mind) of my position there but the additional stress of maintaining my dignity and reputation has worn me down. I'm leaning toward family to be honest .... at least I'll know they love me while they wag their finger at me !

                            Fuck fuck fuckity fuck


                            And thanks too for the links .... I'll check them out tonight when I wake in the night and can't get back to sleep ..... for the rest of you dealing with similar circumstances at least you know you're in good company ... at least I hope you do !!

                            Obieone
                            Last edited by Obieone; 04-01-2010, 08:03 PM. Reason: Second thoughts - smilies inappropriate - it's not funny!
                            ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                            " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                            Jane Siberry

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              in the states, as an underwriter for a lender, we look at credit cousling programs the same as a bk. with that said, go bk 7. get it done, rebuild then move on.
                              Bike-on.com rep
                              John@bike-on.com
                              c4/5 inc funtioning c6. 28 yrs post.
                              sponsored handcycle racer

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                              • #30
                                a little prayer for obione for guidence, peace and reasurance.

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