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My SO - C4 wants to move home

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  • My SO - C4 wants to move home

    I posted this on the Life forum and they suggested I come here so here I am.

    I am close to terrified. His injury occured 10 months ago - he's actually my ex husband but we continued dating after the divorce and have been together the majority of the last 7 years. I have been his primary caregiver since the accident, going to the nursing home almost daily and spending 30-40 hours a week with him. Sunday he decided he wants to move home and 'can't' go back to the nursing home. He's been in rehab hospital the last 4 weeks and next week will go to skilled nursing for 3 weeks before coming home. So it's rush rush to get a bathroom/shower built in the back room, a/c unit installed and new flooring. I am so afraid that this is going to be too much. I see him almost everyday for hours and hours so at least I'll be able to be home more. We will have access to about 8 hours of aides a day and his mother can help fill in the gaps while I'm working full time outside of the home. He will have an environmental control unit installed for using the phone, using the television, lights, ceiling fans, etc. What happens if we do all this and it ends up that it's too much for me to handle? He's so happy knowing that he's moving in with me and I feel like it's just been something that has happened so fast (after him saying for the last several months he won't move in with me because it would be too much for me and I still have one son living at home). I want to do it. I think I can do it. Is it one of those things you just go for it and pray a lot and ask for help when you need it and do the best you can? I think I should have a heart to heart with him tonight and let him know how scared I am and wonder how he is going to feel if we do this and it doesn't work out. I don't know....everyone tells me it's more work than I can imagine. He will be on medicaid soon and will get more hours for aides. But for now between his insurance and DARS, he can have 8 hours a day. He has a colostomy and a suprapubic catheter so his bowel program will be much easier to manage now. I love him very much and want him to be well taken care of and I think I could do that best. I'm only 45, he's 47 - this accident happened due to him being intoxicated and he was with another woman so I'm still dealing with the humiliation and resentment about that which may have something to do with my hesitancy to make a final decision. The plumber is coming tomorrow to give me an estimate on the bathroom being built. I have to make a final decision by the end of the weekend. I think my major emotion is fear right now. The only other options would be moving in with his mother (he would get very depressed and she cannot physically/mentally take care of him) or back to the nursing home where he feels neglected. It just seems like now he's realized that he really screwed things up with us and of course now I don't have to worry about whether or not he wants to be with me - but would HE want to be with ME if this wans't the case. On the other thread someone asked if I'd take him back if he wasn't in this condition. That was never a question for me- he didn't ask me to stay with him - I didn't ever think of NOT staying with him. But now that it's going to be something where it's at home - I will always be around him and his injury. It's not like now where I go home at night and collapse in bed, it will be with me all the time. I hope I don't sound harsh. I think I'm more worried about my family being upset with me 'throwing my life away' for him since they aren't happy I've even done as much as I've done under the circumstances. Or am I more worried about hurting his feelings or our friends/his family being upset with me if it doesn't work out. Either way, there's going to be people unhappy with me.