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I have to have surgery... how do I manage everything else??

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    I have to have surgery... how do I manage everything else??

    I have to have retinal detachment surgery next week. Suffice it to say... my fears are being realized. I work full time, assist my hubby who is 66 and a T11 complete and manage all the household stuff. Don has never been empathetic to other peoples' problems and was like this even before he was injured 4 years ago. I will have significant restrictions after surgery for a month... no bending, lifting, have to keep my head in a certain position 24/7, etc. I will have 4 full days of recovery (although the surgeon is recommending 7 days) before I have to go back to work. Luckily, I have a job that does not require strenuous activity or I would have to be off much longer.
    Anyway... my husband is certainly capable of taking care of most of his needs but he is not capable of taking care of me. He just has no desire to.... Even if he was vertical, he would not be a good caregiver. He thinks that I will not need any help during recovery and I really think I will need some. I'm tempted to go and stay with friends or relatives and just leave him at home during the first week... What do you guys think?? How do I survive, take care of myself, and not get crazy???

    #2
    If he isn't willing to help you definately go stay with someone that will be able to help you out the first week or so.
    Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

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      #3
      If he needs assistance, arrange a caregiver or homemaker from an agency for at least the first 2 weeks for him, then stay at a nice hotel or with friends yourself. Don't risk your vision. Caregivers are notorious for neglecting their own health in favor of the one they care for. Don't get sucked into this. Tell him your plans now, and see how he responds, but tell him you need to take care of yourself for now.

      (KLD)
      The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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        #4
        Based on what you have said, I think the sensible thing to do is to stay with a friend or family member. I am a C-5-7 quad who is nearing 72, and during the past 10 years I have cared for my wife while she was recovering from colon cancer surgery, and a hip and knee replacement. I did the household chores, shopping, and cooking in addition to attending to her when she was confined to bed. Your husband is an adult and he better learn to care for himself. He should not be so dependent and self-centered. If I were in your shoes, I would make plans for myself and tell him to deal with the rest.
        You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
        http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

        See my personal webpage @
        http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

        Comment


          #5
          stay with friends - maybe he'll realize you could use some TLC too. It's a give & take, and it's time for him to stop taking it all & giving some back

          Comment


            #6
            Thanks guys... I guess I just needed to hear it from my CC buds! I will be taking care of business and keeping you posted.

            Comment


              #7
              You know sieg it's the damndest thing ..... when they gotta do it ... they gotta do it .... and somehow miracle of miracles ... they manage and the world keeps turning !!
              All the best with the surgery and take care of you blessings !!

              Obie
              ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


              " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
              Jane Siberry

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                #8
                Thanks Obie.... I will take care of me!

                Comment


                  #9
                  He is self-centered and you must put yourself first. Stay with someone and somehow hubby will find his way. He is much too dependant on you always being there. Now it's time for you to have someone.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Well... my surgery went well. The day before my surgery Don fell out of his chair (murphy's law) and fractured his right femur! He is scheduled for surgery tomorrow. He has been sleeping pretty much all the time since breaking it. I know his body is reacting to it. I have lifting, bending and activity restrictions so I will be limited in how much I can assist after he gets home. He has already had his right tibia plated last year. He will be in a brace as I will not allow them to cast him.
                    I wonder if we should have an aide come in morning and evening for the first week.... What do you think??

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Aggghhh ..... I can't frickin' believe it sieg ....

                      I don't quite know what to say .. except no matter what ... do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and let "them" take care of Don and only do what is safe for you to do !!! Cripes .......

                      ... hopefully I'll get my wits about me and have something more useful to say later .....

                      Obie
                      ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


                      " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
                      Jane Siberry

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I wonder if we should have an aide come in morning and evening for the first week.... What do you think??
                        Absolutely! Lay it on the line to the discharge planner at the hospital about what needs to be done and put in place. Refuse to bring Don home until they make it happen.

                        Is Don a veteran? Can you get VA respite care to give you a break?

                        I am glad your surgery went well, hope things continue to improve for both of you.
                        Every day I wake up is a good one

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi Guys...

                          I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing well and that Don is also. A tough couple of weeks but we made it. Don survived in spite of being in the hospital... God... I literally hired our own nurse to keep an eye on him because they kept him overnite after the femur repair. The bed he was on was a disaster and so she had to turn him every 2 hours. The patient in the next room was psychotic and so Don came home with no sleep and spent the next couple days sleeping. As for me... my surgery went great and I'm back to my normal activities. We are scheduled to fly to San Francisco next week for one of my meetings and we are so looking forward to it!
                          Thanks so much for the support. I love you guys!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Very glad to hear that you managed to get through it all. The hospital situation is the pits. Hospitalization is really a life threat around here for SCIs. Sadly, with all the healthcare reform talk, these kinds of issues are not being dealt with.

                            Hope things continue to go well.

                            55
                            You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
                            http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

                            See my personal webpage @
                            http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

                            Comment

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