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    looking for someone to talk to

    Hi. I just found this site tonight, read a few posts, thought I would introduce myself. My husband is a c6/7 quad. He was in a car accident 11 years ago. I met him in college, post injury. We have been married for 3 years now. I've been caring for him for 4. I tried an online support group a few years ago, but didn't get a very supportive response from the other members, so I was kinda shy about posting here and am really just looking for someone to talk to who understands.

    #2
    Hi. My son's a T12,complete. 6 months post from a car accident. I think its better (ha!) as a para, but maybe tougher as a parent. hmmm.
    BeeBee

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      #3
      kcbug

      This place will give you alot of support! there are alot of VERY good people here.

      you also have Dr. Wise Young and there are nurses you can ask question's.

      I my self am a T 12 Incomplete

      Doug

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        #4
        Welcome kcbug ... I believe you've found the right place [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] ... you will find not only the support and info you desire but it can also provide some entertainment from time to time [img]/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif[/img] ..it is a diverse community. Sorry you had to find us but glad you did!!

        Obieone [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]
        ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


        " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
        Jane Siberry

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          #5
          Thanks for the welcome [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] I am curious to know some others experiences...I work a full time job and do my best to take care of my husband as well. I am finding that right now I'm getting really burned out. I don't have any time for myself and I don't know how to make time. I have talked to him about maybe working part time but he's not real keen on that idea and we can't afford to hire someone outside to help and no family close enough to help out. I've looked into seeing if there is any kind of assistance available in our state to help but hard to get anyone to listen. I am at my wits end, this time last year I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. I've talked to my parents about it but its like they don't understand...friends at work are like "i don't know how you do it" and honestly i don't know how i'm doing it right now either. I know there's gotta be other ppl out there dealing with the same things just haven't found em yet.

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            #6
            Hi, kc, and welcome. I'm married to a guy with a c6 incomplete injury sustained 4 years ago . . . he's working his way through the world's slowest recovery, but he IS still getting return and still trying to make the most of it.

            I think that working fulltime and being primary caregiver would lead anyone to depression and burnout. Have you talked much with your husband about how seriously this is getting to you? Do you know what his issue is with getting back to work? Lots of people with his injury level not only work but live alone and take care of themselves, including plenty here at CC.

            Keep us posted, and don't feel alone!

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              #7
              KC

              I agree with a lot of what Kate said. It sounds like you have a lot going on and my guess is that you need to focus on you more than you have. Its hard to provide specific advise with limited information and I don't want to come off sounding critical of your husband or yourself. Maybe you can put a plan together that will work for you, takes some of the pressure off and that fits into what your husband can and can't do based on what you know. I would have a few smaller things (helping with some of the household chores like dusting) on the plan and maybe one or two larger things (part time job for him). You probably need to have some things that are "non-negotiable" and if he doesn't do just let them go. On the caregiving side, that might be tough but think about the things you do for him and search around this site because my guess is there is someone here with a similar injury that has figured our how to do it by themselves. If he won't come here and search it may require you to do it but I think the fact that you are "working the process" might be helpful. Sorry I couldn't be more specific than that.

              Steve

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                #8
                Hi, KC - glad you found us!

                Just a quick tip for maybe getting some help in getting DH back in the work force - check with your Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation. THey're out of the Social Security office, and their main job is to get people back in the work force.

                _____________
                What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. - Margaret Mead
                _____________

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                  #9
                  DH is currently working, which seems to make him all the more lazy when he gets home. I took your advice and I did talk to him about it all last nite. He truly does seem like he wants to help out as best he can and I even got him online looking for anything that might help. I think the main thing is the little things that I know he can do for himself, like getting a glass of tea or doing his self-cath, whenever I'm around he asks me to do those things for him and I'm just going to have to start telling him no. Before he went back to work, I was working full time and he took care of everything at home except the dishes, I was afraid he'd break them so I forbid him to touch them, but now that he is working and I am working he doesn't wanna do anything else. Anyway, thank you guys so much for listening and talking it really does mean a lot.

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                    #10
                    Hi kcbug!

                    I totally understand how you feel! My loved one is a para and was able to care for himself completely until several years ago when he began having a health decline, which I won't bore you with the reasons of what, or why. Anyway, what this caused was not only a terrible strain on him, but on me as well. Worse on him, but very hard on me too. I also work full time and because of his health issues he is now unable to work at all. We also have no one in our family to help much.

                    I have some major burnout sometime when I feel that the weight of the world is on my back and I have no where to set it down! I don't really have any good advice for you since I'm struggling with the same lack of time for myself like you are. One thing I DO TRY to do is to TAKE time for myself even if it's only 5 minutes here and there doing something I love to do. You may already be doing this. If I didn't do that I'd go insane. There was a time that I could work in my flowers, or brush my dogs, or do anything at all that I loved whenever and how much I wanted to. Those days are gone and I've been blessed with my precious loved one in their place. Doesn't mean I don't miss doing things the way I used to. So, I grab what I can here and there, even if it's just a little of it. I'd be interested in hearing some more coping techniques for the over worked and over run! Anyway, I'm not much help, but I just wanted you to know I understand. Sometimes that helps me a lot, so I hope it helps you too! [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

                    ~~~Honesty is the best policy~~~Treat others as you would like to be treated~~~Play hard, but play fairly~~~
                    "I just want you to know, it was the best time ever." J.F.F.

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                      #11
                      WM, thanks so much for your post. Yes it really does help to know that I'm not alone in all this. This time last year I had been diagnosed with depression and was put on paxil for awhile. I wasn't real crazy about that but it did make me feel better for awhile, but I don't want to have to resort to drugs for that, just doesn't feel right to me. I think I've done pretty well until the last few weeks when everything just seems to go wrong. His van was having problems and the morons at the shop couldn't figure out what it was and for two weeks I was having to get him into my van with hoyer lift and ramps and take him to work and then me go to work and then pick him up and go home. We finally got that fixed for something else to go wrong in it, got it fixed again and then the goofball leaves his ramp open yesterday and it poured rain on it for about 5 hours and now the lift has a mind of its own lol! I swear if I don't laugh at it all I'll just start crying. Wait! I didn't mean for this to turn into a vent session, really just wanted to thank you all for posting! [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

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                        #12
                        It's nice to meet you kcbug. I am a C5 since under a couple of years. This would be a great place for your hubby to check out too. It's helped me along my road a great deal. It's also a good place to unload your thoughts. I like reading peoples vent sessions so keep'em comeing.

                        My Dirt Bike Misses Me

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                          #13
                          Hi there! More of a reader than a poster but I'm the wife of a para that also doesn't have a lot of spare time. While he's pretty self-sufficient, I'll admit I find myself doing a lot of things that most married women wouldn't dream of doing.

                          But hey, nothing wrong with that sometimes. With his guidance and instruction, we've saved a boatload of money in auto repair labor. I know how to change brake pads! How many women can brag about that? [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by Rollwithit:

                            I know how to change brake pads! How many women can brag about that? [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
                            [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img] LOL, not me, that's for sure. Then again, I have actually successfully used something called "wirenuts"--along with a bunch of other gizmos-- to hang a light over our dining room table . . . with him giving me careful instructions all the way. It's very satisfying!

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                              #15
                              Kate and Rollwithit cracked me up a little. I found myself under the Corvette last spring with a digital camera. I took some pictures so that Simon could see the underside and tell me where to hit the starter with a hammer to get the thing started. We had to get the starter replaced and needed to get it started to get it to the repair shop.

                              Since then I've changed air cleaners and other stuff too. The guys in the Corvette club think it's a real hoot that I'm doing so much of the auto related stuff.

                              Si does pretty good helping out around the house. Kitchen cleanup has always been my least favorite task. Now I make the messes (cooking) and he does all the cleanup. Having a standing wheelchair really helps out there though.

                              mrsnomis
                              (spouse of imnomis, T-12)

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