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    #16
    Originally posted by gurly2356
    Wow, how do you do that?? Thats one thing I havent figured out yet!
    I had some portable hand controls I rigged up on the brake on the mower. I can't do the trim work anymore which is annoying. It was really hard and stressful the first time but like everything it gets easier each time. Transferring is usually the hardest part or cleaning the limbs before mowing. I love it bc I feel like the old me in a skimpy top on my mower. My legs don't always stay put so I have to be careful there and I always make sure the gas is full and I have my cell phone.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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      #17
      Originally posted by abcboys
      Honestly he has not been depressed. I would be able to tell if he was. Even when he answers the phone in his room, I can hear him and he is always chery. I think he just has it in his mind that he can't do these things and he wasn't much of a housekeeper before, so why start now.

      .

      I have another question. How do you hold stuff on your lap and push the wheelchair at the same time. Is it a balancing act or is there another method I could mention to him?
      Just because he answers the phone cheery doesn't mean he is. I was a master at faking it when I first got home. When I did go out people would be amazed at how well I was handling things. I wouldn't say yea that's bc my mom is in town. For the last 4 days before I stayed in bed and never changed clothes.

      I have baskets all over the place that I put stuff in and then push around with them on my lap. Most are full of hot wheels and various kid stuff but they are good for anything. I also always have a cutting board nearby for cooking or stability for other things.
      If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


      Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

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        #18
        Good grief, what I would give to have that much function. I could be independent again and not have to worry about caregivers quitting or not showing up I could drive basically any kind of car I wanted. Life is harsh when you're paralyzed but he's got a look at what he has as a good thing and get over the fact that his legs don't work.
        C-5/6, 7-9-2000
        Scottsdale, AZ

        Make the best out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Nobody knows that better than those of us that have almost died from spinal cord injury.

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          #19
          If he is depressed at all he is not showing any signs. I am living right here with him and neither me nor my husband have noticed any changes in him.
          Last night I'm sitting here at the computer and he asks me to pop him a bag of popcorn. Now, our microwave does sit up a little high. It's a little over 4 1/2ft. but I even sat in a chair by there and I was able to reach the microwave and the buttons but instead of trying just to do it himself he calls me in there. I would even care if he just ATTEMPTED to do these things before calling me to do them (like the microwave and laundry)

          Amazingly enough, he got a motorized scooter a few days ago so he can get around town and run to the store and stuff. The past 2 days he has taken his kids out on their bikes and let them bike ride around town. He has lived here at my house almost 3 years (in the basement apartment) and I can tell you he has NEVER taken his kids out on a bike ride before. My husband said its less effort for him now?

          Anyway, I know its going to take time for him to learn to do things, I don't expect him to do things like a pro right here at first, but he'll never learn to be independent if he doesn't start these everyday tasks on his own. That's where I start to feel resentful about things

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            #20
            Originally posted by addiesue
            I had some portable hand controls I rigged up on the brake on the mower. I can't do the trim work anymore which is annoying. It was really hard and stressful the first time but like everything it gets easier each time. Transferring is usually the hardest part or cleaning the limbs before mowing. I love it bc I feel like the old me in a skimpy top on my mower. My legs don't always stay put so I have to be careful there and I always make sure the gas is full and I have my cell phone.
            I mow as well, with a hydrostatic drive mower. It has one lever for stop/go. I agree, always take your phone! I've had flat tires, gotten stuck, had the drive belt came off, it's a long butt boost back to the garage!
            Andrew

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              #21
              How long has he been in a chair? (missed it if it was printed already)

              Did his divorce take place after his accident?
              Does he have a weight issue?

              Not defending him in the least.. but it's possible his x did everything for him and he is just in the stupid male- I don't do housework-mode.
              I do stuff at home, but only if the wife lets me.
              Anyway.. does he have a weight or other health issue?
              Going to a power chair at his level of injury sounds like he's physically lazy or has some issue with fatigue. I can tell you, as others here can, that if you don't exercise and try to stay somewhat physally fit you feel dragged down.

              Next time he asks you to pop popcorn ask him to come over for a moment.
              Ask him can you reach the microwave?
              can you open the door? Show me..
              Can you press the button for popcorn?
              Then inform him he's graduated Popcorn 101.
              Rick Brauer or just call me - Mr B

              http://www.riseadventures.org

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                #22
                Originally posted by abcboys
                If he is depressed at all he is not showing any signs. I am living right here with him and neither me nor my husband have noticed any changes in him.
                Last night I'm sitting here at the computer and he asks me to pop him a bag of popcorn. Now, our microwave does sit up a little high. It's a little over 4 1/2ft. but I even sat in a chair by there and I was able to reach the microwave and the buttons but instead of trying just to do it himself he calls me in there. I would even care if he just ATTEMPTED to do these things before calling me to do them (like the microwave and laundry)
                HELLO? If you got up and popped the popcorn I really don't feel sorry for you.
                If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


                Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

                Comment


                  #23
                  im t12 and i do everything around the house you just have to put your mind to it and do it...

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                    #24
                    I am a T8 at home mom that does the laundry with regular(washer is not a front loader) machines. I cook, clean (do get help with some) drive, etc. I found early on in my injury that when I wasn't being independent that I felt more depressed. With his trunk control and transfer ease, there is no reason he cannot do it. I have to say you need tough love here.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      He is of regular height and weight. About 5'10" 5'11" 180 or so pounds. He has been divorced for about 3 years. He came to live at our house right after he got divorced. We have a basement apartment at our house and that is where he has lived for almost 3 years until his accident. Of course he can't get down there now so he is upstairs for now.

                      He just got a motorized scooter so he can get around town. Go to the store or get something to eat. He doesn't drive yet, so I can understand that. He uses a regular wheelchair here in the house.

                      I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just nice that I can have a place to go here and vent my frustrations to strangers who won't make me feel guilty about the situation. I'm hoping with time things will get back to normal. He is suppossed to be ordering a lift to get him back into the basement and back to the way things were before.

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                        #26
                        Carrying plates of food is dicey, I'll admit. I try to avoid it. My dog is too fat already! Re the rest, I was doing it at c5-6 before I got home from rehab. I have a lap tray I use constantly to carry hot coffee, empty glasses to the kitchen, etc. It's just a pretty tray from Target, such as you might throw keys or mail in in your entryway. It needs to have a rim so any spills won't burn his legs. Some dycem non-slip fabric on it will help prevent spills as well. It is a bit expensive so you can cut it up and use it in various applications.

                        Can he get into the laundry room in his chair? He can DEFINITELY fold/hang his clothes. May need the closet bar lowered to get them hung up.

                        I had a dowel rod w/ a hook on the end, called a dressing stick. It enabled me to fish the wet clothes out of the top-loader washer in rehab. Available for less than $10. I actually have more trouble accessing my home's front loader; the door opens on the wrong side. Of course!

                        When he asks for popcorn, say I want to see if you can do it yourself first. If not, maybe we can figure out a way. When you move out, you might want popcorn! He'll need the lap tray here again, to carry hot popcorn without burning himself.

                        A reacher/grabber might really help w. things like this. He can reach anything in the cabinets with it. Great for grocery shopping, getting stuff out of the fridge.

                        Great that the scooter lets him entertain his kids.

                        If he went to rehab at the VA, he'd never have to ask you for another thing. (hint hint) I came home from rehab with the gadgets linked above.

                        We excel at these kinds of problems, feel free to ask. But make him get off his ass! You're doing him no favors, hurting him actually, by allowing him to be dependent. What if, say, you need an emergency appendectomy? Your kids will need to be cared for by their Dad, and bro-in-law will be wallering around in dirty clothes. With no popcorn!
                        Blog:
                        Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

                        Comment


                          #27
                          im T-5/6 complete for 4 years now. the first six months home for me were hard, prolly hardier for my wife though. theres no reason he cant do for himself unless hes in alot of pain. i do things now i thought i could never do, i wash and fold clothes, wash dishes, cook, mow the grass, change the oil in my car and truck, load my handcycle into back of my truck and go for a ride, in which my wife doesnt like to much, but she gave up because i would just wait till she went to work and then go anyway. i cant sit up on the side of my bed without holding on to something, no balance what so ever. i learned more from a guy who vol. at the rehab i went to than any therapist. when i have a problem i just give him a call and he gives me suggestions, its trail and error though. sorry so long, but its sounds like he needs some tough love.

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                            #28
                            Previous related threads for this situation and family:

                            /forum/showthread.php?t=104027

                            /forum/showthread.php?t=105072

                            Suggest you do some reading about enabling behavior. You and your husband have it down-pat.

                            (KLD)
                            The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Originally posted by abcboys
                              I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just nice that I can have a place to go here and vent my frustrations to strangers who won't make me feel guilty about the situation.
                              I don't feel sorry for you at all you have been told at least 3 times now not to do it and you keep doing it. He is like a junky and you keep giving him the drugs, don't whine here anymore.
                              Originally posted by fuentejps
                              injecting is way better for your body. but imo opinion its the only safe way

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Oh yeah, he is milking this for all it's worth. I am a C5/6 quad and live mostly independently. I can fold my laundry and I certainly can put it away. Jeeze, at t-12 he should be not only doing his own thing but maybe helping you out with household chores too as a thank you for the housing. I don't even know him and I want to light a stick of dynamite under him.

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