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    Newbie

    I am Shelby, Danine's partner. I decided to join for many reasons, foremost in support of Danine, but also to find others who are in a caregiver role and have had similar experiences.

    It's been almost a year and a half since Danine's sci. There were other health concerns that were presented in January of 2007 that began my journey as caregiver. I had not previously been a caregiver; however, my natural instincts, or possibly my mind's way of dealing with the shock and utter fear of the situation, set me in motion.

    I am grateful beyond words every day that Danine is still with me. I almost lost her twice in a 6 month period and that was enough to scare the hell out of me. Although I do not believe her doctors thought she would recover as well as she has, her stubborness and desire to persevere have undoubtedly been instrumental in her continued recovery.

    I cannot say that I have had time, or allowed myself time, to deal with all of this. I find that I still wake up and find myself in shock that this has happened. I have kept myself as sane as possible by being as supportive as possible. At times, it seems as if Danine is dealing with the situation much better than I am lol. My hope is that I will meet others that are dealing with similar emotional distress so that we may help each other through our own healing process.

    I look forward to meeting everyone!
    When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

    #2
    Welcome Shelby ...... when you're ready maybe if you share a little of your experience with us it might help you to heal. That feeling of shock can take a while to subside ..... but it does .... I think as care"givers" we get caught in a kind of limbo and it feels like we don't fit any more ... any where .... I still feel like that sometimes. Eventually we get used to the new normal of our lives and we go on ... but it ain't easy.

    Come here ... vent.... read our stories .... we're getting through this somehow .. together ..... sorry you had to but glad you found us!!

    Obieone
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

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      #3
      Welcome, Sweetie. Glad you're finally here...just don't tell 'em how horrible I am to live with, OK...lol.

      Seriously, I'm glad you signed up. I hope you will begin to feel comfortable enough with this site to share our story from your perspective. You've been so supportive of me, but you've not really had anyone to lean on for yourself. Hopefully you can find a supportive outlet here.

      Last edited by Danine; 28 Sep 2008, 12:12 AM.
      "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

      Comment


        #4
        Hi Shelby. Welcome to CC. My partner, Debbie, and I have been together 13 years. Her SCI (result of hit and run) happened in 1969(at the age of 13) She's had a plethora of other injuries and illnesses over time and isn't too healthy these days. She doesn't post here - she thought about it for awhile but somewhere along the line developed computer-phobia and won't touch it for fear of it crashing the moment she does.

        Obviously, I wasn't around when Debbie was first injured so I don't know what it's like to be with someone with a new injury. I can only imagine the shock, but it's clear that you two are very close and supportive of each other and I know that has helped Debbie and I make it through some very rough times over the years. At the time I met Debbie, I was caring for ill family members. I knew diddly about SCIs, and learned only what I needed to as it pertained to Debbie's particular situation. I've learned so much more since I found CC. This is a pretty amazing site for information, and there are some very caring people here as well. I hope it helps you as it's helped me.

        Side note to Danine - Debbie might have a few things to say about living with me so don't feel too bad.
        Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
        - Albert Einstein

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Kendell
          Side note to Danine - Debbie might have a few things to say about living with me so don't feel too bad.
          LOL...gotta keep it real, right?
          "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

          Comment


            #6
            Welcome aboard Shelby. I'm glad to see you join Danine here at CC.

            I had to laugh about what she said about keeping it real.

            Comment


              #7
              Its cool to see lesbians and their partners in loving relationships, I have male gay friends and none are into relationships, they're so busy bouncing around, I often hear of their shenanigans about who was cock blocking who when they're out clubbing -- they're hot messes -- but I love them. Anyway, Hi Ladies
              A dolla makes me holla, honey boo boo! - borrowed from Honey boo boo child

              Comment


                #8
                I saw "cock blocking" and decided this was a good time for me to jump back in

                Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome! I am especially happy to see other lesbian couples here

                Kendall, thank you for sharing a piece of yours and Debbie's story.

                I look forward to knowing everyone more!
                When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

                Comment


                  #9
                  I'm so glad to be a part of this site and meet amazing women such as yourselves. We all deserve way more than a pat on the back for our triumphs, I believe.

                  I had not previously been a caregiver; however, my natural instincts, or possibly my mind's way of dealing with the shock and utter fear of the situation, set me in motion.
                  Shelby, I cannot agree more with you here. I was a whirlwind of emotions but I kept them all inside because I knew they weren't anywhere near as important to face, as helping Megan get through everything first. I pushed them all to the side, forgot about my feelings, and focused EVERYTHING I had on getting her better. I did this for as long as it took for Megan to finally get her strength back and also her independence.

                  Maybe that was an unhealthy thing to do, but I did what I had to do. When you're in love, nothing else matters.
                  True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love doesn't end.

                  - Shannon



                  To get a closer look into my life:
                  www.lovecommashannon.blogspot.com

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by peasnluv


                    I was a whirlwind of emotions but I kept them all inside because I knew they weren't anywhere near as important to face, as helping Megan get through everything first. I pushed them all to the side, forgot about my feelings, and focused EVERYTHING I had on getting her better. I did this for as long as it took for Megan to finally get her strength back and also her independence.

                    Maybe that was an unhealthy thing to do, but I did what I had to do. When you're in love, nothing else matters.
                    Shannon,
                    i thank you for doing this. Let me say that i would have done the same for you. I love you more than anything else in this world. We need to focus on your feelings now!! agreed?
                    T-7 Complete
                    "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by dsgirl
                      I am Shelby, Danine's partner. I decided to join for many reasons, foremost in support of Danine, but also to find others who are in a caregiver role and have had similar experiences.

                      It's been almost a year and a half since Danine's sci. There were other health concerns that were presented in January of 2007 that began my journey as caregiver. I had not previously been a caregiver; however, my natural instincts, or possibly my mind's way of dealing with the shock and utter fear of the situation, set me in motion.

                      I am grateful beyond words every day that Danine is still with me. I almost lost her twice in a 6 month period and that was enough to scare the hell out of me. Although I do not believe her doctors thought she would recover as well as she has, her stubborness and desire to persevere have undoubtedly been instrumental in her continued recovery.

                      I cannot say that I have had time, or allowed myself time, to deal with all of this. I find that I still wake up and find myself in shock that this has happened. I have kept myself as sane as possible by being as supportive as possible. At times, it seems as if Danine is dealing with the situation much better than I am lol. My hope is that I will meet others that are dealing with similar emotional distress so that we may help each other through our own healing process.

                      I look forward to meeting everyone!
                      Shelby welcome!!! I am so glad to see you on here!! I hope that me and shannon are able to meet you soon in charlotte sometime within the next few months. And also so glad that there are more lesbain couples out there going through what we are.

                      Megan
                      T-7 Complete
                      "If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

                      Comment


                        #12
                        You don't need to thank me, it's just the way love moves you. I didn't mean for it to sound like I am still pushing my feelings to the side. For the sake of getting you better, I disregarded my shock and pain, which I think is a good thing. Focusing on you, helped me get through it all. I didn't have time to be depressed. The fact that you are so positive about everything has also been a tremendous help in keeping me positive as well. I love you so much!
                        True love doesn't have a happy ending because true love doesn't end.

                        - Shannon



                        To get a closer look into my life:
                        www.lovecommashannon.blogspot.com

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi dsgirl
                          Nice to meet another NC person here. Welcome to the group. Hope you come often and find all the support you need here here.
                          If the Army & the Navy ever look on heavens scenes, they will see the streets are guarded by United States Marines!

                          sigpic
                          www.jccarolinaformals.com
                          www.myspace.com/jccarolina
                          http://www.facebook.com/pages/JC-Car...10436735695158

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                            #14
                            Originally posted by peasnluv
                            Shelby, I cannot agree more with you here. I was a whirlwind of emotions but I kept them all inside because I knew they weren't anywhere near as important to face, as helping Megan get through everything first. I pushed them all to the side, forgot about my feelings, and focused EVERYTHING I had on getting her better. I did this for as long as it took for Megan to finally get her strength back and also her independence.

                            Maybe that was an unhealthy thing to do, but I did what I had to do. When you're in love, nothing else matters.
                            Shannon, it's nice to find someone who understands. Hopefully we can help each other get through some of the same issues.

                            I seem to be stuck, for lack of a better word, in this place where I am still very nervous about being away from Danine. Although she seems to be moving along emotionally and has a lot of confidence, I still worry that if I'm not right there with her that she may find herself in some crazy situation where she may injure herself further. I'm still not at a place where I can relax and not worry.

                            I do think that I need to start working with all of these emotions. I'm not sure yet how to do that, as just a hint of opening the tightly sealed box they're sealed in, is quite overwhelming for me. Making the step to sign up here and make my first post was very emotional. It kind of scared me, to be honest. I know that I will need to deal with this, however, the idea of not having control of my emotions, and thus the situation, makes me quite uncomfortable, if that makes sense.

                            How are you coping?

                            I look forward to knowing you more!
                            When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Seenkid101
                              Shelby welcome!!! I am so glad to see you on here!! I hope that me and shannon are able to meet you soon in charlotte sometime within the next few months. And also so glad that there are more lesbain couples out there going through what we are.

                              Megan
                              Thank you, Megan! It's nice to finally "meet" you and Shannon. Danine has been very excited to have met other women, especially Lesbians , that she can connect with at the Charlotte meeting.

                              I'm excited about meeting you both
                              When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

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