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    Questions on getting married

    I'm a 36 year old C5-6 from Louisiana. I've never been married before, but have the opportunity to with a wonderful woman. It seems like the government can take away my SSI & Medicaid if we do though. I know there are SCI's who are married. How do you do this & still get government assistance, or can you? It doesn't seem right for the system to take away what I have simply because I'd be married. I live with my parents now & they make much more & have more assets than I would if I were married, including my spouse-to-be's income & assets. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I'm in over my head on these government subjects. Thanks!

    #2
    Yes, unfortunately your spouse's income and assets are combined with yours after marriage for figuring your income and eligiblity for any needs-based programs. It is a real problem. As an adult child, even as a dependent, your parent's income does not impact your eligibility. Unfair? Certainly. Unsolvable? Not necessarily.

    Most people solve this by simply living together. If you have moral or religious issues with this, you might want to speak to your pastor or minister. In my state, it is possible to get a religious marriage that is not registered and does not require a license. This does not give your spouse legal rights, but also is not legally recorded so that their income and assets count against yours.

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      #3
      I may have a problem with living together & not being married. I'd much rather be married. These are just my feelings. I'd never find fault with anybody who chooses another way. How can I find out about religous marriages? I'd be interested in that. Thanks!

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        #4
        Talk to your pastor or minister. It is not possible in all states, but you should at least explore it with your spiritual advisor.

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          #5
          don't let money get in the way of love. if indeed it is a spiritual issue, i understand... i'm a Christian and a firm believer in marriage (although i'm not yet married).

          regardless, of all things, focus on the relationship first.

          (edit: snip)

          if you're interested in discussing this further, email me @ scott@sixteeneleven.com. usually if anything religious gets brought up on these threads, people just get annoyed and give up trying to discuss things in a civil fashion.

          (edit: snip)

          [This message was edited by jmublueduck on 04-01-03 at 11:30 PM.]

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            #6
            Scott, I think KLD was advocating talking to a spiritual leader to see if a religious marriage is possible in his area without the legal filings. It sounds like the perfect solution! Good luck!

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              #7
              yeah I got that after the fact... no hard feelings... sorry about this misunderstanding.

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                #8
                We're in a similar situation. My fiance is c4 sci and i'm ab. We're getting 'married' this year under the eyes of god and in front of our families and friends. Plus saving the $40 for the marriage license! since technically we are not getting married in the eyes of the state/government. That way your 'spouse' is still able to recieve benefits - we're planning on setting up legal documents for heirs and one another that will cover our situation legally- just have to get the atty and file the paperwork. We had a hard time deciding how to do this too but when it came down to it we really didn't care what the government recognized as a 'legal' marriage... because the people we want and love will be the ones supporting us and will recognize our new life together.
                Hope that helps.

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                  #9
                  As a non religous person, I dont understand the mindset on this. I'm NOT trying to put anyone down, but how do you reconcile calling yourselves married 'in the eyes of God' while doing it this way specifically to cheat the government? What I'm hearing is that you want all the benefits of a legal marriage without any of the burdens. 'In sickness and in health...' I'd never leave him/her because of illness/injury. 'For richer, for poorer' Well, we dont want to be poor, so we just wont register our 'marriage'. Or do you just not include the 'for richer or poorer' phrase in your ceremonies?
                  It just irritates me when I hear of people cheating me, because those are my tax dollars you're using. I work 2 jobs, 7 days a week, in part to offset some of the costs of living for my bf. Otherwise, I'd have quit the weekend job a long time ago. Do you do the same?

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                    #10
                    Lass

                    I was wondering the exact same thing. Funny isn't it? [img]/forum/images/smilies/confused.gif[/img]

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                      #11
                      Lass & LindsayS, I understand what you're saying and a part of me may agree with you. But like everything, there is more than one way to look at the issue.

                      I think this boils down to the gov't penalizing people for getting married and I think that is a travesty. If we weren't married, my husband would qualify for assistance that he and I have already paid for but can't get. We can't get it because we are married. No other reason than that. We've paid for collectively over 65 years, but we can't get a penny of it. We're broke because the gov't won't help by giving back what was ours to start with.

                      In a couple of weeks, I will be 52. I have worked with only a one week interruption since I was 16. That's 36 years of paying into the system and generally at the highest rate. My husband steadily paid into the system, again usually at the highest rate, for about 25 years. However, in the 10 years prior to his accident he had some other health problems and wasn't able to work all of the time. Since the last 10 years is all that SS looks at to determine your eligibility for SSDI or SSI, he didn't qualify. So, despite the fact that jointly we've paid about 65 years in at the highest rates, we are getting absolutely nothing back from the gov't. He also doesn't qualify for Medicaid because I supposedly make too much money. Forget the fact that every penny I make goes to pay our bills which have increased substantially because of his SCI. Forget that we've already spent the retirement that we worked all those years for because doctors want to be paid and medicines must be bought. Forget that we're further in debt than we've been in our lives with no hope of ever catching up again. And this because we can't get out any of what we put in SIMPLY BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED.
                      Would I lie in order to get back part of what I've paid in? You betcha.

                      As a young person just starting out in life and in love, would I lie to keep the person I love and want to spend my life with from having to spend it in poverty because the gov't insists on taking away MY benefits? Yes. If these people live together, the gov't doesn't care in the least and yet the financial situation is the same as being married. If they marry, they get cut off. What is fair about that?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by martha:

                        Would I lie in order to get back part of what I've paid in? You betcha.

                        As a young person just starting out in life and in love, would I lie to keep the person I love and want to spend my life with from having to spend it in poverty because the gov't insists on taking away MY benefits? Yes. If these people live together, the gov't doesn't care in the least and yet the financial situation is the same as being married. If they marry, they get cut off. What is fair about that?
                        I get your point but,
                        What is fair about my working a 40hr week, paying my attendants most all my income, federal and state unemployment taxes, bwc, liability ins, medicare, their and my share of social security, ect and not even being called "disabled" by SOcial Security anymore.
                        the answer? Nothing

                        If people choose to marry, they should deal with it or legislate for change just like the rest of the "legal" tax paying population.

                        You wonder why their is so much Medicaid fraud, its people who "screw" the system like you. Life is not easy, but better live it legal cause you could be in major fraud trouble. I see people cheating all the time, deep down it really burns my butt.

                        I think some states have provisions to keep spouses on medicaid, you need to investigate. Never hurts to try.

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                          #13
                          --------------------------------
                          posted by Lizbv

                          You wonder why their is so much Medicaid fraud, its people who "screw" the system like you.
                          --------------------------------

                          Since you were directly quoting my post, I assume you have just accused me of screwing the system. Back up. I have NEVER screwed the system. Yes I did say I would lie if I could get back part of what I've paid in but I can't and I haven't and I won't. I certainly may have lead you to believe that I don't mind if young lovers "screw" the system in your opinion by having a reglious wedding and living together, but I heartily resent being accused of screwing it myself. Rather than screwing (the system), like Jimmy Carter, I've just lusted in my heart (in my case after my long gone $$).

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                            #14
                            ok [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]
                            sorry to "accuse" you.

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                              #15
                              lass and Lindsey

                              So, are the people that decide just to live together without being married cheating you out of your tax dollars also?

                              It just so happens that the current legislation in most states inadvertently discriminates against marriage. What's wrong with being married in the 'eyes of God' and enjoying the same financial benefits of people who choose to live together and not be married? Just because you promise to love 'for richer or poorer' doesn't mean you stop making good financial decisions together.

                              Everybody,

                              It's not fair for any of us who are disabled, who have or have not paid into the government system for many years, to not receive assistance when we most need it -- married or not. We all need to lobby for changes in legislation that benefit all of us. That way people will not need to work two jobs, pay their own insurance, pay for their own PCAs, send loved ones to nursing homes, etc, etc.

                              Matt

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