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    #16
    This is in very late post to "lass" regarding my message about our pending wedding and her disagreement about the whole situation.

    martha and mattc thank for your well thought words!!

    And "lass" YES I DO!! Just to clarify here, yes Shawn (C234 injury) is on SS, and i am currently working 2 fulltime jobs- with a possible 3rd partime to just offset the costs we have and top it off with being oncall 24 hours a day 7 days a week, 365 a year. Am i cheating the government - definately not in my eyes. I am working my butt off and paying very high taxes into this system of government. We have been together before, during and after this life event and will continue to be together. Dealing with a lot of the same issues you probally are - PCA's who don't show up, pulling down 24 + hours with maybe 2 hours of sleep and money problems.

    If you have a problem with that you are all entitled to do so. If you don't understand it or agree with it so be it. Our situation has forced him to get rid of all his assets and has made me the principle wage earner even with what SS is giving him i am still supporting him and getting no recognition for it and no gains. Current legislation has forced our hand in that we have to marry this way until they change NO we change the system.

    We are checking into his working again and he will hopefully be up and wheeling - earning an income of his own and get off of most of the assistance they have given him so far with the ever present threat that they are going to continue to cut the little bit he does get - we have a spenddown that does not include a lot if incidentals for daily living just for him. You add 2 people to that equation and it is very challenging. Our state -fortunately- has a program that we just became aware of that may allow 'legal' spouses to have seperate incomes as long as he is employed.
    I have consistently worked since I was 11 years old and the majority of my working life I have pulled down more than 2 jobs at a time and yes i even pay taxes.
    Shawn has worked since he was 12 years old and paid taxes the entire time.

    We are not cheating the government. The government taxes me at a much higher tax rate with no deductions because having to work more than one 40 hour a week job - that would be a dream right now if it was just 40 hours. Maybe if we had millions of dollars than we could just send it off to offshore accounts but that is not our situation.

    Technically if your living with your love interest aren't you doing the same thing without labeling it marriage? Just as you and other posts do not understand our way of thinking we certainly do not understand yours.

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      #17
      Too bad so much money has been wasted over the years on pet projects of our illustrious leaders. If common sense would prevail instead of political correctness, if those entrusted with tax payers money would take ownership and act responsibly instead of frivolously, then at the end of the day when the bill comes due, maybe we could afford important things such as assisting those who wish to live independently. For those who wish to beat the system... there would be no system without those who pay into it!
      Kath

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        #18
        Originally posted by KDK:

        Too bad so much money has been wasted over the years on pet projects of our illustrious leaders. If common sense would prevail instead of political correctness, if those entrusted with tax payers money would take ownership and act responsibly instead of frivolously, then at the end of the day when the bill comes due, maybe we could afford important things such as assisting those who wish to live independently. For those who wish to beat the system... there would be no system without those who pay into it!
        KDK Just a fyi- we (I and Shawn) are paying into the 'system' dearly 40%+ of my checks go into the system and we fight daily to maintain the bit of independence we currently have as well as vote for overhauls. My 100 hours a week are funding the monies that we do use as well as his bit of money that he does get.

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          #19
          Originally posted by lass:

          .... how do you reconcile calling yourselves married 'in the eyes of God' while doing it this way specifically to cheat the government? What I'm hearing is that you want all the benefits of a legal marriage without any of the burdens. 'In sickness and in health...' I'd never leave him/her because of illness/injury. 'For richer, for poorer' Well, we dont want to be poor, so we just wont register our 'marriage'. Or do you just not include the 'for richer or poorer' phrase in your ceremonies?
          I don't see the answer to my question, which wasn't about whether the government 'owes' someone a certain standard of living, but about how you see it as a moral choice. I don't care how much you've paid in taxes over the years, or whether someone else gets better benefits because they aren't married. Because everyone else does it, that makes it moral? It just seems you want the benefits of marriage without the price. You want the community to see you as married. Why? And no, I don't live with my boyfriend.

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            #20
            I totally understand the arguments posted here on both sides but haven't seen some suggestions that made a huge difference in J's life. (J is T5) and last summer when we met most of his disability - over 50% went toward paying for his prescriptions since Medicaid didn't cover that - not to mention the expenses incurred with normal ADL stuff (ky jelly, catheters,etc.)

            To make a long story short - I was able to get applications - and approval from the pharmaceutical companies to cover (FREE) his ditropan, imiprimine, minocyline, etc. as each had a "patient assistance program."
            I began buying the KY jelly by the case - 20 tubes - (12.00) at a medical supply store instead of him paying 7.00 for one tube.

            In a matter of weeks he was able to actually begin to use part of his income for something besides living...

            Nope we don't live together, we are the best of friends, but technically not even boyfriend/girlfriend.

            As a Christian who believes in good stewardship I understand the impulse/thought of both sides.
            But I have also been continually amazed at the unexpected ways that things can be obtained cheaper if you investigate and ask the right people. Things were a little easier for us because my day job involves a lot of case management for patients so I knew who to call with the different drug companies.

            I hope this helps - Almost every drug company has a website, and many have patient assistance programs with applications online that you can submit. I also know the advantage financially of ordering supplies/buying in bulk from medical supply stores.

            Hang in there!!

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              #21
              Originally posted by KDK:

              Too bad so much money has been wasted over the years on pet projects of our illustrious leaders. If common sense would prevail instead of political correctness, if those entrusted with tax payers money would take ownership and act responsibly instead of frivolously, then at the end of the day when the bill comes due, maybe we could afford important things such as assisting those who wish to live independently. For those who wish to beat the system... there would be no system without those who pay into it!
              very nice. thank you.

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                #22
                I married my sweetie in November a lot earlier than we'd planned because it looked like we were never going to find a rehab center without my insurance helping, but now I have spent the last month on pins and needles worried that SC medicaid was going to rejecty him for being married to me- we got our approval today so i no longer have to consider selling a kidney to pay for his nursing while I'm at work.
                So this does work out sometimes. [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

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                  #23
                  Michelle,
                  It exhausts me just thinking about your hundred hours! Hope evrything works out for you. This is a very hard life for everyone involved, quite costly, as well. We too have made many changes in our life and lifestyle to cope with all that has come our way.
                  Kath

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                    #24
                    The government seems to penalize folks who are disabled...and maybe it feels that way because our country in general cares so little for its disabled population...our children...and our old folks...for examlpe, all of my husbands medical needs are met by a Texas L and I claim, however according to the state of Idaho he wasnt able get insurance on 2 children.No doctor visits, no check ups, no hospital coverage, no dental, try buying prescriptions without insurance. The kids suffered by not having the help they needed, or my husband suffered by paying cash and not having enuff to cover food, house payment etc. To show you how screwed up our state insurance coverage is...he made $186.00 too much on his disability to qaulfy for ANY help..no help with in home care for him, no help with food or utilities or property taxes, and especially no health care for his family (he was a single parent at the time raising kids on his own after bitch ex-wife took off on him 1 1/2 years after his accident on an oil rig left him paralized from his nipples down!!!)Now here is the kicker....our backward state of
                    Idaho gave the federal government 300 millon dollars BACK 2 years ago...because they claimed they didnt need it for anything!!!! Not many folks can qualify for medical help here because the income guidelines are so messed up!!! It is ridiculous. We are now married, I work, I have great insurance for myself and my kids, and we keep insurance on his step kids who are now with their mother. We do this because it is the right thing to do for kids who have been out of health care because one parent was critically injured and the other parent didnt have any coverage(and/or took off) Our government needs to help the poor more, the disabled, the children, help with daycare for working parents provide a place for old folks who sometimes are left homeless etc...thanks for letting me rant...

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                      #25
                      Hello everyone! I was told by social security that if I got married I wouldn't lose any benefits.

                      Doreen

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                        #26
                        For the people who are getting religous marriages that are not recognized by the state, is the bride keeping her own last name or changing it to the name of her new husband? I like the idea of a 'religous marriage', but I'd want my bride to take my last name, too.

                        Also, any idea how I can find out what states this is legal in? Is there a site on the internet that would say, or do we have to call and ask?

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                          #27
                          It's legal to use any name you want, in most states just by beginning to use it. Unless, of course, it's to perpetrate a fraud.

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                            #28
                            Ssi

                            I am married and collect SSI. I was injured after marriage, but still recieve benefits.I am not allowed to work over a certain amount of hours. So you rate may decrease but you still will have benefits.
                            Jennifer

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                              #29
                              Doesn't any of your states have common-law marriage laws? Here in MT if a couple portrays themselves to the public as being married, they are in the eyes of the law married and both incomes are, I believe, counted toward eligibility for needs based programs.

                              It is something that definately needs to be changed!
                              www.facebook.com/hoff_10
                              www.twitter.com/hoff10
                              www.summitilc.org

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                                #30
                                California (the home of palimony) does not recognize common law marriage.

                                (KLD)
                                The SCI-Nurses are advanced practice nurses specializing in SCI/D care. They are available to answer questions, provide education, and make suggestions which you should always discuss with your physician/primary health care provider before implementing. Medical diagnosis is not provided, nor do the SCI-Nurses provide nursing or medical care through their responses on the CareCure forums.

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