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How to get through the hard days

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    #16
    Thanks Ladies for your kind words . if my grin was any bigger my face would split in two ! now if i could just find a SINGLE , eager , attractive , atheletic , well heeled , nymphomaniac lady who felt the same way about me ? [img]/forum/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
    when i am having a bad day i let the frustrations build up for a while , then loudly and in no uncertain terms i voice my feelings on the world generally and any person [ normally unjustifiably ] who i think could have remotely caused me to be experiencing the current problems ! after i settle down from this tirade i feel much better . i live by myself and my nearest neighbours are 10 miles away so there is not much risk of upsetting anyone else . i don't think this method would go over very well in suburbia . in the event of this not working i have the option of resorting to plan B , consume the contents of the beer fridge .

    thank you
    dogger

    every day i wake up is a good one .

    [This message was edited by dogger on 03-02-03 at 23:22.]
    Every day I wake up is a good one .

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      #17
      Ok, dogger has a fan club! Good, where do we send the love cards and little stuffed animals? Anybody has an address?

      I have calmed down after reading the forums for past hour. I think there must be something in the air, Stacey. Bob has been getting in one of his moods since Friday night off and on. We ended up watching separate TVs on Friday, I did some shopping on Saturday and then I got saved by his mom and stepdad who came to visit... Thanks for in-laws!!! (and I mean it!!!) [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] This morning everything topped the glass off and I didn't hold it back anymore and just spilled everything out. At last he apologized and admitted how mean he had been. I don't blow up very often, but when I do, I catch up on those times when I don't. But we talk it thru and over, and at the end we end up hugging and kissing - apologizing to each other. So that's our "spout off".
      Many times I just fix him everything he might need at night and leave him downstairs and I take up the upstairs and just watch TV or read. Close the door, turn the volume up and relax.

      Hey, just hang in there... and come here and vent out!!! Or just send a fan mail to dogger, boost his ego up [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]!
      http://www.tickercentral.com/view/2qot/2.png

      http://www.geocities.com/krajaxa/fair05copy.jpg

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        #18
        Stacey , i was reading through this thread [ giving my ego bit of a boost from the kind comments from the ladies who have posted] and thought i would follow up Betheny's comments on recovery by relating my experience . i am 12 years post next month .the accepted view at the time of my injury in terms of recovery beyond what was considered the norm for the level of lesion was that at some time return of function will plateau and that will be end of story . as you would be aware , nowadays with locomotor training , 4-AP and other therapies [ all admittedly in their infancy ] this has proved to be wrong .
        the first lower body movement i had was movement of a big toe about 4 weeks post . with PT this allowed me to begin walking about 3 months post . at this stage i had only tendonisis grip in my hands . around 4 months i started to get some ab muscle function which eventually got good enough for me to do sit ups . around 6 months some finger movement until i could grip and move fingers independantly [ still well short of normal , but very useful ] . i left rehab about 8 months post with the above function but not very much more sensory than any other C5/6 . 11-12 months i regained some bowel function , enough to be able to not have to do a B.P. anymore . it is still not normal , accidents still occur [ had one last night while i was out ] but these are mainly due to the fact that i walk so slowly that if i am not close to a toilet the time factor beats me . since then i have recovered sensory [ not good on sharps/blunts or hot/cold ] over all but a couple of small areas of my body . last year i recovered enough hot/cold to feel air temperature changes . so small improvements can continue for a long time . the worst that can happen by doing PT etc is that the body will be fit and ready for new therapies as they eventuate . there is also the feeling that a cure is achieveable in the near future . 1991 the thinking was ''maybe in the next 100 years '' . i hope this helps .

        thank you
        dogger

        every day i wake up is a good one .
        Every day I wake up is a good one .

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          #19
          I love what you said marmalady - (I too wake up some mornings with that familiar feeling that yall have described)- I try to focus on all the great things we share - I cannot imagine my life without my husband - When I think back I realize how lucky I am for him to be here. With this in mind my mood usually shifts a little .. however often I remain fragile on such a day and any little glitch can easily cause cloudy vision & teary eyes. I like to talk with my hubby when I am in such a mood, he has such a way of calming me. He has those days too and when he does I try to support him - he is more of the silent type and it kills me not knowing whats going on in his head !!! I want to know .. on his "bad" days I usually try to do something special that I know he appreciates , either a favorite meal, picking him up a video game (which seems to be his escape), or some other little attention. Soon Stacey those days become not as frequent hopefully for you and your husband.

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            #20
            To Olossgirl -

            Your quote - "often I remain fragile on such a day and any little glitch can easily cause cloudy vision & teary eyes."

            Darlin', my son is over 4 years post, and believe me, there are still times when I get teary eyed. Sometimes just the sight of him spending a half hour to put a T-shirt on will do it; or looking at the pics on his wall with his friends; I think I'll just stop here!

            We all have those feelings; I hope they never go away. They ground me, somehow, and make me more determined to work as hard as I can to find a cure for this damnable condition.

            _____________
            Tough times don't last - tough people do.
            _____________

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              #21
              Thank you everyone, you are all so kind. I have read the posts many times, just haven't been able to respond. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster the past few days. I am trying to put it all into place and get over it.
              Sometimes it all piles on at once, bill collectors, attorneys, kids' teachers, clogged pipes in the house.....yuck..... most of all trying to figure out how to pay for Joe's therapy when the insurance says his 60 days of rehab are done with at the end of April. Trying to arrange a companion to stay with him while I'm at work. Too much stuff to deal with. I always thought I would have to be doing this for my parents, not for my husband when we're only forty.

              Allright, enough whining for now. I can actually handle it, just sometimes I don't want to. Would be nice for someone to come and take care of it all for me, and a nice back rub wouldn't hurt. Maybe a bubble bath, the dishes done............


              Thanks for being here, I couldn't make it without all of you. STacey

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                #22
                Stacey,
                You might want to take a minute to call Easter Seals. They have adult services. Do you have a friend who would like to help you out, but doesn't know what to do? Put him or her on this search. Have them contact The Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation and duke it out for services. There are many things they will pay for, but you must be persistent. You mentioned that your husband was embarking on new studies, well you should be able to get financial assitance with this from them. Their goal is supposed to be to get him back to work, which includes education toward a new career (if nec.), driving lessons, vehicle modifications,ramps, bathroom alterations, stair lifts. Those are the ones I am familiar with. It took many months and an advocate who advised us how to "unfreeze" their funds. It was some of my most frustrating moments, but well worth it in the end. Please try to find someone to handle this for you, as working full time will not allow you the fortitude you will need.

                Does your husband see you coping too well? It's possible he needs to know this is all too much and you need his help. Any chance he could "research" these services? or talk to your childrens teachers? My husband did not have any additional fight left in him to do these things, so I will be surprised if yours does, which is why I suggest a friend to help.

                Any chance members of your church would volunteer some time to stay with your spouse? In our experience people truly wanted to help out, but I had to figure out what they could do and then graciously allow them to do it. It is very hard to accept or ask for help when it is usually the other way around. You need help! There is no way you can handle all this. Just remember you would have done the same for a friend; moreover, you are the needy one now. Brainstorm with your family about sharing responsibilities and see if they have any ideas who can do what.

                Stacey, your children have lost a great deal, but part of coping is taking responsibility. I wish we could protect them forever from the heartache, but we can't. I think one of my greatest fears was that we would lose so much of what we had and would be forced to change everything about our lives. I wanted to preserve what we had and keep my family intact. Well, I couldn't stop change from coming,like anything some hase been good and some not.

                The best thing that has happened is we ended up spending much more time together, we all became reacquainted. Three years ago we were all so busy running from event to event that we were not connecting in a caring way, just touching base here and there. Now we talk about what is important in our lives, we try harder to reach out to each other and take care of each other. My husband and I discovered that we enjoy spending time together (boy have we ever been together). Our children have grown emotionally in ways I could never have forseen. Make no mistake we have all the usual teenage agendas (they are now 17 and 19), but I believe they are far more responsible, mature and empathetic than they would have been had we not all experienced this life altering event. Please trust that it will get easier and you will again know true joy in your lives.
                Kathy

                [This message was edited by KDK on 03-04-03 at 14:19.]
                Kath

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