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Kate's On Line Journal

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    just checking in , no need to reply to my post..I'm just babbling


      OMG .... its pouring rain and I heard thunder last night ...... yahoo .. Spring has sprung .... so we get bogged down in the mud instead of snow drifts .... oh well its a tad warmer ... we'll take it !!!!

      Hope everyone is hanging in and on ! We're getting ready for another graduation in our house this June ..... 3 down and one to go {{{whewwww} .... Laure-Jane is only 12 so we get a reprieve for a few years before the next one !! Bill is having trouble remembering things .. I think maybe we need to evaluate his meds but we haven't got a doctor here right now .. they don't seem to want to hang around on the prairies very long before they move on ... we import them from overseas and once they become Canadianized (?) they're outta here ... actually we do have one doc here {from Iraq if you can believe it} but she isn't very familiar with sci and isn't ER ready plus she is very very busy serving a huge area so we have to go much farther to see a doctor who can help us ..... the joys of rural life ... other than that we're maintaining ..... hope everyone out there survived the Winter .. anxious to hear how you'all are doin' .....

      ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

      " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
      Jane Siberry



        Spring is definitely in the air and these strikingly beautiful colors - plum, pink, yellow, green - have got me in the mood to read poetry and think long crazy thoughts all day. Aaah...


          Originally posted by roshni

          Spring is definitely in the air and these strikingly beautiful colors - plum, pink, yellow, green - have got me in the mood to read poetry and think long crazy thoughts all day. Aaah...
          roshni, I recommend Mary Oliver for that kind of mood:

          " . . . tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"


            Hi Obieone
            I've just been lurking here again this week after a long time of not posting. Springtime in San Diego means here come the rains. It has been a very mild winter but still too cold for my son Chris to go out. He has such a difficult time with temperature regulation. I wonder how you northerners do it.

            Kate, I'm going to check out your poetry recommendation, it sounds like just the mood I need to get in.

            "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner"


              Darthe, I'm with you on the question of Obi does it--and I don't just mean the weather. She's been quietly radiating strength and warmth from the great White North for as long as I've known her.

              I got to see Mary Oliver read last winter here in Seattle. Amazing woman! Here's a whole poem:

              The Journey

              One day, you finally knew
              what you had to do, and began,
              though the voices around you
              kept shouting
              their bad advice—
              though the whole house
              began to tremble
              and you felt the old tug
              at your ankles.
              “Mend my life!”
              each voice cried.
              But you didn’t stop.
              You knew what you had to do,
              though the wind pried
              with its stiff fingers
              at the very foundations,
              though their melancholy
              was terrible.
              It was already late
              enough, and a wild night,
              and the road full of fallen
              branches and stones.
              But little by little,
              as you left their voices behind,
              the stars began to burn
              through the sheets of clouds,
              and there was a new voice
              which you slowly
              recognized as your own,
              that kept you company
              as you strode deeper and deeper
              into the world,
              determined to do
              the only thing you could do—
              determined to save
              the only life you could save.


              I've loved this poem for a very long time . . . the sense of what it means to "stride into the world" has changed for me over all these years, lol--when I was young I thought it was about taking responsibility and making choices for myself. Now that I have been intimately involved with my sci husband and our daughters, I hear it a different way. "Saving my life and moving into the world" now has to do with some kind of refusal to let circumstances separate me from those I love, no matter what.


                I saved this to savor. "and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as you own". That resonates as I try to find my own life and learn to honor my own needs after a long journey through mothering, wife-ing and now caregiving. Thanks Kate.
                "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner"


                  I have never posted anything In Kates Journal but I am sitting here this morning catching up on CC having been pretty much gone from this site since February. A few posts about exercising has made me start thinking about Jesse and his "therapy". He seems to have gotten to a point in this injury where he feels all he wants to do is the standing frame, the total gym, and his FES bike. He never does anything else. He is so busy with his days....working bees, practicing rugby, working on his jeep. I wanted him to go to Minneapolis and try some braces for his legs. He wont do it. He says he is just too busy. I feel so bad, like he has given up. He actually doesnt care anymore if he walks or not. He is living his life as before, even better according to him, but I so wish he could take time out to do some kind of exercises. He is very good at doing the standing and the other machines. I cant make him do anymore. Well, I guess I am not asking for advise or anything, just wanted to get my thoughts out of head today.


                    At long last

                    Kate and I met on a street corner in Crystal City. We hugged and held on to each other at random, crazy momennts during the 3 days. It was as if we knew each other for ever...and perhaps we have. I am still checking into the elementary school name, Kate. We were both in Duluth and grade school at the same time.

                    Wow, I feel like I found a sister, if not biological one connected by the soul and pain of SCI.
                    Every day I wake up is a good one


                      Hello all!

                      I haven't posted here for a while either... I still come and check the new posts, but that's about it. I guess I just stay busy with the boys...
                      Jesse's mom, I'm in pretty much same situation. Hubby just stretches in the mornings, he will do e-stim every other day, but that has been about it for quite a while. He keeps telling me he is gonna start standing on braces again, but there they are - collecting dust in the corner. He spends most of the day caring for the boys (since I work full time), and the two-year olds just wear him out, so he has no energy to do too much in the evening when I get home, so I understand recovery has not been his priority lately. I do have to admit, that his depression has been gone for almost two years now. He has been cutting down on his meds lately too, he is weaning himself off what he knows he can.

                      Anyways, glad to see everyone still checks in here...

                      You all take care of yourself!

                      (a wife to t10 and mother of twin boys - 3/27/04)




                        Sometimes I still wake up and think all of this was a strange dream.

                        Mother's Day is not my favorite day, because my father died on Mother's Day in 2001, about 10 days before Bruce finally came home from Harborview Medical Center--all broken and frail and ill, with no promise that he would ever be himself again.

                        I had to leave my girls alone that weekend with the kind people who had come to help us get the house ready for a wheelchair. I had to fly alone to upper Michigan for the funeral. It was like a 36 hour trip, total--my father in a coffin, my exhausted mom, my strange siblings . . . and then back on the plane and it was time for the home "practice run" the very next day. Another nightmare, in which we spent the small hours of the night struggling to get his spasming legs to calm down so we could sleep.

                        Ah, God, I'm so glad that is all behind us. I remember reading a post from Wise one time where he said that a T injury steals a couple of years, and a C injury steals 5. We are 5 years out now, and I'm beginning to know in a gut-level way what he meant. We have jobs again, and income, and a measure of health and independence. Our girls are no longer looking as if they think the ground might swallow them at any moment. They are, as a matter of fact, kind of wonderful and very strong.

                        I worry about him aging with sci. I worry about falls, and broken bones, and what if I get sick myself. I worry about an earthquake, since we live right on top of a fault line. I do all this worrying, lol, on some kind of just below the surface level, but it's definitely there.

                        Jesus, I want the cure so much. I want to see him run again, and all the rest of it, before we are both so old that it doesn't matter.


                        Cheese, darlin', did you find out which school you were at yet? Wouldn't it be strange, people, if she and I actually both went to Lowell Elementary in the mid-sixties together? She would have been the first-grader, me the big kid, passing each other in the halls. I hope it's true, sista!


                          Hey! I went to Lowell Elementary School!!! It was in Madison, Wisconsin though, and in the dark ages. The one thing that I remember is that I was the smallest kid in our class and got to "do" the bulletin spaces. We had moved from down South, Charleston in fact, and spoke with military correctness, lots of yes sirs, ma'ams and such. Well the other kids thought I was brown nosing and beat the hell out me after school. Funny remembrances. Then we moved out to the country and got to go to the stereotypical country school--which was much more fun.

                          Worry, Kate, I hear you. If there was nothing to worry about, I bet I would worry about that! I constantly worry about Jim, if I should have something happen to me. We are the only ones left in our family, with most friends falling in the wayside after the accident. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wonder which is the worst, SCI or Insulin dependent diabetic or TBI. My poor kitty must get tired of the constant flopping around. It's funny, the physical problems seem so much less to me than the future.

                          We are finishing the renovation of our new home and will be in the Parade of Homes June 4th--we will be the remodeled accessible home. It has been a joy to get tools back in hand again, I seem to like the process more than the results, must be the reward of your own labor. Can you imagine the excitement of Jim's first shower at home in over 5 years? I actually thought of getting some Champagne, or at least beer to celebrate! Our routines are much easier now and will get better with Phase Two! I am going to contact the local ILC and OT Department at the hospital to see if they are interested in seeing, for examples to newly injured. Remember how just having them live seemed to be all the focus you could maintain?

                          I'm sorry I didn't get to meet you and Bruce, reconnect with Cheese and most of all add our voice to the Rally. I do clearly remember the goosebumps of the Rally of '05. Next time, eh?



                            OK, Kate~ Mom hits 70 this 70 this year but this is the best I can get. We lived on 40th Avenue in Deluth in a big white house. She is looking for my kindergarten report card to see if the school was Lowell Elem. BTW, I never made it to 1st grade there, was Dad shipped out to Anchorage Alaska. Cool Lil'Sis that you were a military kid too. Yes sir, yes, mame still runs through my blood.
                            Every day I wake up is a good one


                              Kate, it was wonderful to meet you, Bruce and your daughters. You are clearly a gentle and caring soul. Btw, next year, ahem, that book thing we discussed...

                              cheesecake - as always a pleasure. Keep up the fight, you are inspirational whether you know it or not. I'm proud to be a friend.

                              lilsis - missed you and Jim this year... Hope you guys are well.

                              Peace all, onward and upward.


                                Thanks again Chris. You know why. I am passing the favor along to another CC'er here shortly when I get a big contract payment soon. My business is feast or famine and I was in famine then (still am until the mailman brings my check!!).
                                Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager