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    Originally posted by jukespin
    roshni: for you to know that (I'm not talking about sisterly supportiveness here) you would have had to have been there and seen and heard all that went on between Kate and the supposed "moron'.

    Or are you saying that if you got into a conversation with a stranger and talked about how unplesant the odor of your officed pal is and the stranger was (unknown to you) your pals husband, that would make you a moron?

    Trying to keep things all warm and fuzzy is one thing; seeing things objectively as they are is another.

    Now you can exclude me from the girls club.
    OUT! OUT! BE GONE! (you can't see me so you don't know my tone .... )

    I agree, that dude was insensitive at the very least and a moron at the worst (likelier, lol!). I know exactly what you mean though Kate about hearing something that you KNOW that person would not have said if they knew who you were .... grrrrrr. Somewhat similar is when I sometimes walk farther back from Chad because I am putting the ramp up in the van and he goes ahead of me in to wherever we are going, and I hear comments about him from people who had passed him coming the other way (e.g. towards me) like "wow, that's a really weird site" or "uhhhh, how can he be a father to a little kid being like THAT?", etc .... grrrr. I'm on the sisterly support side firmly.

    Ami
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

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      Originally posted by jukespin
      roshni: for you to know that (I'm not talking about sisterly supportiveness here) you would have had to have been there and seen and heard all that went on between Kate and the supposed "moron'.

      Or are you saying that if you got into a conversation with a stranger and talked about how unplesant the odor of your officed pal is and the stranger was (unknown to you) your pals husband, that would make you a moron?

      Trying to keep things all warm and fuzzy is one thing; seeing things objectively as they are is another.

      Now you can exclude me from the girls club.
      Oh, and yes, absolutely I would consider myself a total moron if I engaged in the scenario you described above about BO. I would feel like a total jerk if I found out later I was speaking with the stinky woman's husband!!!
      Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

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        Kate, Roshni, Jukespin, etc.--I've been a moron like that, later mortified...did this moron have some beer sloshing around in the area of his feet, by chance? So, how was his game?

        I'm glad you've got a place to vent, Kate--I'd have been furious, too!

        Jake is through his femur surgery today. Whew! What a drain...but it was without incident and he was resting well at ICU, and now we'll see how the next couple of days go and when he can come home. His sister from the Chicago area and her family will be here Thursday, so all of this is overlapping! The trip had been planned for some time, so the sister had to do some thinking about whether or not to come out early for this, but images of Dad with the two little boys on the plane...hmmm. I think she's still thinking about it, and now it's over!

        Time to sleep, but wanted to check in. This really is a nice thread, and feels nice to not be too far off-topic!

        Roshni--I haven't got that album yet, but looks like a possible break in the intensity for a day or two...I might actually get 20 minutes to go to the music store! I'm looking forward to a comfy chair and a chance to listen!

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          Wow, I feel like I have been away from home for a long time and just arrived into a nice warm kitchen. Sort of like home for the holidays. Glad to see this thread awakening again.

          You know it is a funny thing when you "hear comments" about family members. The natural inclination is to want to shelter and protect. Only we know the real struggles and progress, so sometimes what may appear as little slights cause us to boil over.

          My 13 year old plays little league, started late in life compared to the other kids and works hard at what he does. He plays fall ball, travel team and has become quite good actually for his age and size. Last fall at 12, he played in a 14-16 league. One game he missed a grounder, it shot up right past his right side and he didn't jump fast enough. Recorded as an error. What I took as an "ignorant parent/fan" made a comment, "Give me a break, any 8 year old could have caught that ball." I was annoyed, pissed and hurt. Stewed on it for hours/days, hell this is months later now.

          Rewind 12 years back. We are in a clinic being told our 9 month old has spastic CP, he most likly will never walk, talk and will have limited hand use. Go forward a month and we are putting a feeding tube in so our son can grow and have brain development,go forward 2 years and we are told on MRI that our son does not have a left anterior lobe in his brain that developed properly, we need to accept that he will always be "different", go forward the next 3 years, at least 2 times a year where he goes into "comas" from a metabolic disorder". We are told that weening off the feeding tube will not be possible. Now, lets move up to age 9, first yr of little league. He is 43 lbs, dripping wet, the size of a 1st grader...maybe. His feeding tube has been removed of 5 months, all is clear for sports. He can't throw, catch or hit a ball. He can however run faster than anyone else on the team (wasn't supposed to walk). Fast forward to last fall, a innocent, typical little league comment made me furious. Should it have, maybe not...did it, damn right. Only my husband and I knew the gains our son made to get to that missed ball. They were long hard, scarey battles that as a parent, spouse or sibling you wish you could shield your loved one from but instead you guide them through.

          Life is funny, it has a way of shaping us rather than us shaping life. Each of us will respond differently to the same thing. Neither is right or wrong.

          Nice thing about this thread/shelter/haven is that we do understand. We might not agree but we do understand..generally. Oh yeah, men are welcome, there are several who do jump in. Some took their lashes early on (ask Chris) others just joined us at the table (Dogger). Come on in an sit a spell, maybe we can all learn a thing or two from each other.
          Every day I wake up is a good one

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            Cheesecake,

            Thanks for sharing that. It is interesting how we can all look at the same thing from different vantages based on our personal experience. When that grounder was missed, it was not within the ken of that parent to see the amazing story behind it. He was just being very reactive...based on what he knew or in this case, didn't know. You are entitled to be furious given all the struggles you've been through together. Being mindful, in the end, of what you pointed out so poignantly: "Life is funny, it has a way of shaping us rather than us shaping life. Each of us will respond differently to the same thing. Neither is right or wrong."

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              Cheesecake ~ ya had me in tears. That was the most lovely explanation. Thanks, it's something that is so true, but hard to remember when someone says something so off-the-cuff about someone we love. Kate ~ I would have wanted to pummel the guy ~ I think you showed a lot of restraint and dignity with your response.


              Shelley

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                Ida probably popped him, at least verbally. I admire those with cooler heads and kinder hearts.
                Blog:
                Does This Wheelchair Make My Ass Look Fat?

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                  Betheny--I'll fly you out to meet a couple of Jake's nurses so you can give them a verbal pop for me! Fortunately, the one who was outspokenly anti-esc research has quit--she wasn't making enough money in home healthcare, I guess.

                  We're all so human--what's really cool is when someone with a cooler head and kinder heart hits that speed bump and blows a little o-ring, and then us reactives turn tender and say, "Hey--that's alright!" 'Cuz it is!

                  Beautiful story, Cheesecake. It is incredibly encouraging; it's the kind of experience that restores hope to us when we are looking everywhere for it and it's hard to find. And the entire audience would have booed that comment in the movie version! Later, perhaps, a sensitivity to the boor may have developed...like, which character in the story would I want to be? Sure not THAT one! Then you feel kinda sorry for someone who so doesn't get it...(unless we get into politics, then it's a new ballgame.)
                  Last edited by bobbyg; 24 Jan 2006, 1:34 PM.

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                    I know Ida but generally she is pretty easy going. Sometime Shoulda steps in and it becomes a real mess.
                    Every day I wake up is a good one

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                      Originally posted by cheesecake
                      I know Ida but generally she is pretty easy going. Sometime Shoulda steps in and it becomes a real mess.
                      LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I've gotta remember that one ...!
                      Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

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                        Tori Amos...Little Earthquakes...Bob picked it up for me yesterday at Budget CD's, and it's sitting on my little player in the kitchen for my next chance to take a break! I'll let you know how I like it!

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                          Kate, you will have to point this guy out to me .. I'll show him where it really matters .. out there on the croquet pitch, his a** is grass

                          Cheesecake, what a story, thanks for sharing it here with us!

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                            Thought I'd share one of my favorite poems and see what you folks thought.


                            "Late Fragment" by Raymond Carver

                            And did you get what
                            you wanted from this life, even so?
                            I did.
                            And what did you want?
                            To call myself beloved, to feel myself
                            beloved on the earth.

                            Comment


                              Can a has-been, used-ta-be caregiver pop in and say "Hey?"

                              Man, reading those early entries was such a blast from the past! So much has happened since then. I loved Jimmy Mack's movie remarks, and how we all chose who was going to play each of us in the film version!

                              Cheesecake~Lovely, just lovely. Thank you.

                              Roshni~I love the poem...and "Little Earthquakes" too! I think Tori was spying on me in my former marriage at times!

                              Betheny~I LOVE the avatar! Are you getting younger??

                              Kate~Grrr...ouch. Let it go. That was the advice you gave me. Don't waste precious time on it.

                              Ami~I admire you and your dedication to your family. Take a little time for yourself...you deserve it!

                              Carry on....check in!
                              Vicky
                              ____________________________
                              "God warns us not to love any earthly thing above Himself, and yet He sets in a mother's heart such a fierce passion for her babes that I do not comprehend how He can test us so."
                              ~Geraldine Brooks, "Year of Wonders"


                              "Be kind...for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."
                              ~Philo of Alexandria

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                                Thanks SCI mom!!

                                And Little Earthquakes ... I literally have goosebumps just THINKING about that album and the concert I saw of it. I was at a very noisy bar and when she started playing, within 20 seconds it absolutely SILENT in the bar. Her singing was so intense and if you've seen her in concert, you'll know she writhes on the piano bench as if she were .... er .... well, you know what I mean, let's say "enjoying it" tremendously. But, the words are sooooooooooooooooooooooo intense and haunting beauty of her voice juxtaposted against the solo piano is a true piece of aural art.

                                I MUST go dig up that album now .....
                                Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

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