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    Hi, Kath -

    Could it be hormonal? Hmmm, could be.

    Could it be stress? Hmmmm, could be.

    The dreaded 4 year plateau - never heard of that one!

    Missing the big strong arms - definitely!

    Kath, My personal take, for what it's worth; we never 'get over' the catastrophic changes in our loved ones, be they spouse or children, or sibs. Certainly, as time goes on, the raw feelings get pushed down by other, more pressing daily issues. Just speaking from personal experience, tho, sometimes the reality rears its head like an ugly ogre, all the sorrow hits ya in the face, and it's overwhelming all over again. Matt's approaching his 5 year in November, and I'm having a rough time, too. Nightmares (AWFUL ONES), depression, tears, the whole works. Maybe the added stress of our recent move and being worn down by that is contributing; in my case, hormones definitely aren't! But I really think it's just a 'revisiting' if you will, of our grief for our family members and ourselves.

    As for the big strong arms - tell him he has to wrap his 'psychological' arms around you when you're needy - being a caregiver is a two way street - our family members need to know that we need their support as much as they need ours.

    Love ya,

    Jackie

    _____________
    Tough times don't last - tough people do.
    _____________

    Comment


      Okay...I'm calm now! [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] To explain...after spending half an hour this morning typing a reply to add here before going to work - my devil-machine computer froze on me and I lost everything before I had a chance to post it!! It was such a good one too... [img]/forum/images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]

      Anyhow I'm back now and all I really wanted to add here is this:
      a. everything Jackie says is true (course she's so smart)

      b. and Kathy I completely relate to your feelings. Whenever I get stretched to the limit(most often when I'm tired) I usually crash and burn and feel just as you describe. I feel like I've begun grieving all over again...of course we need to remind ourselves our families are ever changing, the injury becomes older,we get older - everyday can bring a whole new set of circumstances and situations that need to be dealt with and it seems like starting from scratch! I too miss Bill's burly woodsman presence, he's so different now not just physically but emotionally crying easily some days, so centred on himself and getting through the day and sometimes ordering us around like minions. But I made up my mind we were going to survive this and make the best new life for ourselves...that's it... [img]/forum/images/smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

      c. Stacey I'm so sorry that you've had to join our little club but make sure to come and vent and complain and share your smallest accomplishments with us whenever the spirit moves you...our situations are unique but mostly the feelings are the same.

      d. The sense of humour thing.....absolutely your best line of defence....

      I really appreciate you guys [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]

      Take care all! Will catch you up when I have more time to sit at the devil-machine and think with a clear mind!! [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]
      Obie
      ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


      " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
      Jane Siberry

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        Obi - Good to hear from you! I think we should all ditch the computers and get a flock of pigeons!!!!

        PS - I ain't so smart; I have all the stuff the rest of you folks have, believe me! Different issues because it's my son, but loads of 'baggage', believe me!

        Let's get the 'journal' going again - and MARTHA - WHERE ARE U??????

        [img]/forum/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/smilies/cool.gif[/img]

        _____________
        Tough times don't last - tough people do.
        _____________

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          I'm not posting in response to anyones else's posting...I just need to vent. I am the sister of a quad, and life has had huge ups and downs in the past 6 months since her injury. I am also an academic advisor at a community college. I had a student come in and freak out on me today and it made me really realize that people can get upset over the stupidest things.

          There are more things in the life to cry about then a bad score on a math test. I just felt like slapping her and making her look at mine and my families life for 2 seconds. She had no idea that I stayed with my sister last night, and was up at 4:30 in the morning with her, and still here at work with a smile on my face this morning.

          Is it just human nature to think of yourself all of the time? I guess that's what I'm doing now...so I guess I just answered my own question. I just feel like screaming right now, going home and crying! It pisses me off that I have let this upset me so much. Maybe I'm just finally letting my guard down a little and all of the emotions that I have been holding so dearly are coming closer to the surface...Or maybe I'm about to start my period and I'm just emotional. HA HA

          Thank you to everyone for listening. Sometimes life really sucks, but you know it could always be worse. And I know that I am blessed in this life that I am living.


          ...Life goes on [img]/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif[/img]

          Comment


            Butterfly,

            Sometimes our emotions reach a high for no apparent reason. One time a song came on the radio that I knew my daughter Karen loved, and I started crying uncontrolably. It was just so sad to think that she may never be able to dance again.......a trivial thing in the whole scheme of things, but it hit me hard.

            In your case, I don't blame you for feeling emotional. You had been up all night with your sister, and someone came in upset with a petty problem - although I am sure it was important to her. It is ok to cry and to grieve....in fact I am sure it is good for us. It is something we all need to do in our own time.

            My thoughts are with you and your sister, Neise. I hope she is ok. I know she has been having more problems. Give her a hug for me.

            Darlene

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              I'm working on this idea and need some help from my good friends. As most of you know I accepted a new position in May working for a company that does fund-raising in schools and for non-profit groups. We offer the Entertainment coupon book as a fundraiser. I am trying to figure out a way to raise money for spinal cord injury through Entertainment. Before I pursue this any further I could use some feedback from you. What group would you donate the proceeds to and would you buy a book in your market if you knew a good percentage was going to this cause? kathy
              Kath

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                We are all a bit of an emotional mess SCI or no. Vent here, please, we all do. Scream, cry, be joyful, be accepting... and I believe we should all be totally honest. Tell that silly girl to get a life...tell her about yours and she may learn something she will never forget.
                Kath

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                  Marmalady, I am a bit worried about you, as you are struggling with so much right now. You are our rock and now you could use a bit bracing up...how can we help you, my friend? For myself, today is a better day.
                  Kath

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                    Kath, Thanks - Just reading your post 'braced me up' some!

                    There is a lot to handle right now, still juggling with getting things in a row here. Matt's been in a 'downslide', and that always sends me in a funk; we're just trying to work it out with him and get some cognitive therapy for him down here. Brain injuries suck worse than SCI.

                    Jackie

                    _____________
                    Tough times don't last - tough people do.
                    _____________

                    Comment


                      Jackie, so sorry to hear Matt's not doing well. As we all know, moving (even a move you make by choice) is one of the most stressful times in a person's life, right up there with divorce, death of a loved one, etc. etc. I'm sure adjustment for him is even more difficult than for most of us as he "processes" differently. I wish there was some way we could all help. As Kath said, you've been a rock for all of us and it's so difficult to not be able to return the favor. But know that we're thinking of you and wishing you the best.
                      love ya,
                      martha
                      {{{{{{giant hug}}}}}}

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                        Jackie, I hope things are better for you and Matt soon. Your supportive posts have helped us all.

                        Russ Byrd

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                          Hi Jackie~ You know how to reach me..please call or email. I am more than willing to lend an ear.
                          Moves are so stressful but the transition can be so very positive. Take time to care for yourself...nothing will happen if you are pulled down....maybe Kate has a cot to spare!
                          A big cyber ((((((((((HUG))))))))

                          "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles"....C. Reeve 1998

                          Every day I wake up is a good one

                          Comment


                            What a roller coaster this is... are we all a bit sick to our stomachs? I am looking for the comfort zone...hmmmmm! On the bright side, we have had one beautiful day after another. The dark side is the locusts are coming, we have already spotted some early ones (17 year cidadas)and major increase in other insects now such as crickets, grasshoppers , spiders and daddy long legs. Ugh!

                            Jackie, is anything the same right now? Your family is together (both sons), you have your personal possessions and are embarking on a grand new adventure. Then again, have you sold your house? everything is strange and different, living out of boxes is a B.... and no pictures on the wall? Good grief, am I jumping around, or what?

                            Tell me about brain injury and how it complicates these changes, cause I do not know and want to. What is happening with your family returning together, what you expected, or no? Husbands new job and your? gees! how many changes at once, cut yourself some slack, please! Deep breaths and long walks with the dogs!
                            Kath

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                              p.s. and the 4 year thing, I just made it up, never heard of a 4 year crises, but I'm having one. Kath
                              Kath

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                                Thank you all for the words of support - it means so much to me. We're pretty much settled in from the move - still pics to hang, stuff like that, but the house is functioning, and I know where to find things now!

                                Living with a person with a brain injury is a daily challenge; first and foremost, you can't 'see' it; we look at someone in a wheelchair, and automatically say, oh, that person can't walk. TBI is different, because there is nothing to see, and you make assumptions that the wiring is intact, when in reality the 'hard drive got fried', as hubbie likes to put it!

                                It's about the mechanical, which in Matt's case, is a memory and cognitive deficit. IE, we can sit down and have a lengthy, 'come to Jesus' talk about his goals, where he's going, etc., and he'll present very lucid plans and actions. The next day - they're gone. He'll remember we talked, but the details are lost; 'files cannot be accessed'. The ability to process what they call 'executive' functions, ie getting from step A to B to C, is lost, so problem solving on his own is almost nonexistant. Example - he calls the pharmacy to get a med refilled; pharmacist says he's used his last refill. Matt can't 'logic' beyond that concrete statement to realize that he's got to call the doc to get a new script.
                                Those are the mechanical 'issues'.

                                The behavioral stuff that goes along with that is even tougher - perseveration (repeating or going back to the same thought or idea over and over), getting 'stuck' in a routine, and being rigid when that routine is changed, and his biggest problem which is denial that he even HAS a problem - he knows intellectually, and can say, 'yes, I have a brain injury'; but totally denies that it affects him; also will tell us he's 'adjusted' to his SCI, not depressed over it, when it's obvious that he hasn't dealt with it.

                                So - that tends to wear a body down after a while, and since several 'issues' came to a head here this week, I guess it showed through.

                                I can only hope and pray that some of the wonderful trials and research going on for SCI will benefit those with brain injuries, also. If Matt 'only' had the SCI, I think he'd be well on his way to participating in life again; the TBI is what has ground his life to a halt.

                                I have the name of a neuropsych doc I'm going to speak with on Monday, re more cognitive therapy. Hope he'll have some good news for us.

                                On the bright side, Matt's new physiatrist has gotten him 3 months of outpatient physical therapy, twice a week; he's getting back on the stim master, and just bought himself an Oxycycle to work out with at home. His new aide is VERY proactive with him, and enthusiatic about learning exercises they can do at home. And - Cheesecake! - we've set up the therapy table that was so generously donated to us [img]/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif[/img], so that he can do mat exercises at home.

                                Hubbie has been wonderful - he gets 'down' cycles too - but fortunately, our 'cycles' have not been concurrent, so there's one of us who can pick the other up!

                                Thank you all - you folks are great!

                                Jackie

                                _____________
                                Tough times don't last - tough people do.
                                _____________

                                Comment

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