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    #16
    Jane Q Public Here

    So what DO I do?

    Friend was involved in an accident two weeks ago and will never walk again. We are all in shock, and he doesn't even know yet because he is so heavily medicated. We (family and friends) are trying our best to be ther for his wife and children - taking care of the household, running errands, listening and crying with her.

    But after reading these posts, I'm afraid I may be saying the wrong thing. So what is the right thing? Nothing I say can make this better or change it, but is there anything that I can say or do to ease the pain? I can't imagine that there is.

    And when he comes home . . . . Honestly, I can't imagine treating him any differntly than I ever did . . . . . but will I? and how do I guard against that?

    So many emotions and questions. Thank you for reading.

    Basia

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      #17
      Basia

      There is a wealth of information in these forums. Print out some of the cure research articles from the CURE forum for your friend. Remember, just becasue a docs tells you your friend will never walk, it does not make it true!

      Russ Byrd

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        #18
        take heart

        Basia , i heard all that over 11 years ago . i do walk , not very well but it is walking . not everyone has this happen , but he is 11 years further down the road regarding therapies etc [which were pretty basic in my time , mostly lifting weights , the higher the injury the lighter the weight ] and a lot closer to medical breakthroughs . give his family the message that determination and patience will be required . and remember , every day you wake up is a good one .
        dogger
        Every day I wake up is a good one .

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          #19
          Great thread, I can relate to just about everything everyone's said. It's interesing to note that children under twelve are accepting and tolerant, it's during adolescence that they begin to exclude and judge people based on differences. That attitude carries over into adulthood.There's also a difference between the way a child or adolescent will treat an adult with a disability and the way they'll treat a peer with a disability.

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            #20
            Basia, need to chat with you--email me!

            18 months ago, I was the wife with kids reeling under the news that my husband would never walk again. My friends were you, in shock, wanting so much to be helpful. Here's a short list of what they did:

            ORGANIZED A HOSPITAL COMPANION SCHEDULE SO THAT BRUCE WAS NOT ALONE

            CLEANED MY HOUSE FOR ME

            ORGANIZED A DINNER-DELIVERY SCHEDULE THAT WENT ON FOR SIX MONTHS, LONG AFTER HE CAME HOME

            TOOK MY KIDS ON VACATIONS, WEEKENDS, OVERNIGHTS, ALONG WITH THEIR FAMILIES

            SENT MAIL TO ME, HIM, AND THE GIRLS

            PRAYED WITHOUT CEASING

            HELPED ME DECORATE HIS ROOM IN REHAB AS THE WEEKS PASSED. IT'S SO IMPORTANT THAT THE NURSES AND THERAPISTS GET A FEEL FOR THE PERSON THEY'RE TAKING CARE OF, AS HE ACTUALLY IS, NOT AS THE SICK, DISORIENTED GUY THEY SEE

            HELPED US GET OUR HOUSE READY FOR HIM TO LIVE IN AGAIN. THIS MEANT WORK PARTIES TO HAUL AWAY TRASH, REPAINT, REPAIR, CLEAN, DO YARD WORK. THEY WIDENED DOORS, REBUILT OUR BATHROOM, BUILT US A RAMP INSIDE THE GARAGE . . .NONE OF WHICH I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HIRED PROFESSIONALS TO DO.

            That's a short list, very incomplete and not even close to doing justice to these amazing people. The thing to do is, show up. Show up and you'll see what needs to be done. Plenty, believe me!

            Finally, good for you for asking this question here, where people who know the answer are. Tell your friend about us, and stay on these forums yourself.

            Kate

            ps--for all of you and for Basia and her friends, here's my great news: my husband, the one who also would "never walk again" climbed STAIRS the day before yesterday. Yes! a set of 4 steps, 6.5" high, up and down, 4 times, holding on to the rail with his good hand and leaning on his crutch with the other. yowza!!!

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              #21
              Basia, please print this one for your friend.

              Originally posted by russell:

              There is a wealth of information in these forums. Print out some of the cure research articles from the CURE forum for your friend. Remember, just becasue a docs tells you your friend will never walk, it does not make it true!

              Russ Byrd
              A really good therapy is the swimming pool. Take him to the pool as often as possible.

              "And so it begins."

              [This message was edited by TD on Sep 27, 2002 at 06:31 PM.]
              "And so it begins."

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                #22
                Thank you

                Thank you everyone for your replies. His wife and family (and we've been following her lead) keep saying Never say Never! He is a strong willed man and I beleive if there is a way he will find it!

                Thanks for the advice on how to help. It is truly amazing to me how many kind and generous people are in this world. It just sucks that it takes something like this to pull them together.

                I will certainly direct the family to this site - you are a warm and welcoming group of people.

                Thanks once more!
                Basia

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